In Between, Part 2 (Cancer)

[soulmatejunkee]

Title: In Between, Part 2/?
Author: soulmatejunkee 
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: What happened between episode 4.09 and 4.10 (POV’s). It starts right after "Eat some fucking chicken soup". 
Word Count: 400 words (drabbles)
Summary: I am writing on it since weeks, so I just thought, maybe I should start posting it
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: No beta, I hope there aren't so many mistakes in it! After all, I am a german girl, so don’t be so strickt. Every comment is welcome. Let me know what you think. Thanks!

Part 1


Brian's POV

1)
Of course he was right, I should’ve told him about the cancer. I knew that he wouldn’t leave me. He would’ve stayed, he would’ve taken care of me and that is exactly what I didn’t want him to do. Or rather, what I couldn’t stand. I hated being weak and sick and I hated not being able to take care of myself. I always did everything by myself. I never asked anyone for anything since I was a child, old enough to realize that I have nothing to expect from my so called parents.

2)
I remember when Michael was sick once – of course, nothing serious, just a flu. We were 15 years old. And I remember how I felt when I saw Debbie taking care of him. Cooking chicken soup, touching him, hugging him, holding him, helping him. He was annoyed by it, but I was fascinated. Debbie isn’t a good example for what a normal mother should be, most of time she’s way too much to take and it can be very embarrassing to be her child, but she did everything for Michael, always, and all I wanted – back then – was what he had.

3)
Soon I started to make their home my safe place. But not when I was sick, after all, Debbie wasn’t my mother, so I didn’t ask her for anything. When I got sick I just tried to get over it. The older I got the easier it was. My mother barely noticed me.

I started to take care of myself. I know smoking and drinking isn’t anything good, but I thought I could balance that with healthy food and sports. It worked. I was healthy and in shape, everything was perfect. Until I got a blow job from a doctor.

4)
If it was possible, my body hurt even more when I tried to climb up the stairs to my bed. I was tired, I just wanted to sleep, but I was aware that Justin might want to talk. He knows I don’t do apologies, unfortunately he gives a shit about what I do and don’t do. Most of time, in the end I do things I thought I would never do – just because of him. And sometimes I do things I shouldn’t do - just because of him. Like admitting that we’re partners! Me - a partner – in a relationship.


TBC

Comments

[bksbracelet.livejournal.com]

nicely written POV from Brian he tries to justify his position and why he chose not to share his news. For the moment the fight is gone from Brian and he wants to soak up the attention.

[soulmatejunkee.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading :)

[perdita1000.livejournal.com]

really enjoying reading this, nice to get to read Brians thoughts, QAF never really adressed the cancer issue once they showed Brian was clear of cancer

[soulmatejunkee.livejournal.com]

Thanks.
I'm glad (and proud) that you enjoy this story :)

[sjmpets.livejournal.com]

baring his soul seems to be good for him even if he's keeping it to himself.

[soulmatejunkee.livejournal.com]

I would've loved if he would had opened up to Justin right here, but I guess that would be AU and I am just planning a gapfiller... *gg*

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

omg!! it's absolutly beautiful!! I wish I could just crawl into your drabble and hug Brian until the pain goes away!! :('
thanks so much for sharing,Steffi.

[soulmatejunkee.livejournal.com]

Thanks so much for reading and for your lovely comment *kiss*

[guavejuice.livejournal.com]

right back at ya! *hugs*

[manueladb.livejournal.com]

I'm really liking to get inside Brian's mind like this. I especially liked the memories of his past. Is Brian going to express all these things coming to his mind to Justin? I'm looking forward to see if he is.

The drabbles form is working very well, btw. Keep up the good work :)

[soulmatejunkee.livejournal.com]

Thanks Manu :)
Well, actually I have no idea if I will let Brian express some of those feelings to Justin. I really try to stay in character, because it's just a gapfiller... but I think, yes, he will express some of those things to him.

[bknjt.livejournal.com]

I am glad that Brian admitted to himself.. that he and Justin are partners in a relationship.... I just hope that he finally says these things... to Justin... lol...

[soulmatejunkee.livejournal.com]

He did, more or less, in 4.01.
"I thought we're partners."
"We are."
Actually I think that is a lot - after all we're still talking about Brian Kinney here. *LOL*
But ... lets see what I will let him admit and express to Justin. :-)

[pam81.livejournal.com]

You're really making a great job with Brian's POV.
Here you can quite feel the same pain as young Brian.
It broke my heart to read his thoughts.
The last drabble, part 4 is quite perfect. Everything is so true!!!

[spike7451.livejournal.com]

You are getting into Brian's head very well, capturing his thoughts.