Changes, Part 8 (You & Me Series)
Aug. 11th, 2011 10:15 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soulmatejunkeeTitle: Changes, Part 8/? (You & Me-Series)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 2.885
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta: My lovelymander3_swish - thank you :)
Ts ts ts... as I told you 2 chapters before that I might be evil, but I am not that evil! Unfortunately some you had already forgotten that line as soon as Chapter 7 was out *LOL*!
So, this is the last chapter before I leave for vacation on Saturday!!
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
01. Listen to me
02. Trust me
03. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
04. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
05. ...remember what's missing?
06. The Party
07. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
08. 1 wedding, 4 rings... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
09. The first Webcam Sex Chat
10. The first call
11. Expectations - Happy Valentine | Revenge
12. March 18th 2006
13. Aftermath - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
14. Be careful what you wish for
15. Changes - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
Brian's POV
I kept my shirt and looked down at it. It was an Armani shirt, expensive and that little fucker threw it at me. Fuck! Fuck everything! How dare he? How dare he to call me just to tell me that he wanted to have a break and then show up later that night? How dare he to blame me for not falling onto my knees because he came back?
“Fuck this!” I yelled and threw the shirt to the floor. I hated feeling like this. Why does this keep happening?
“Brian…”
And why couldn’t he just leave me alone and try to find someone else, someone who could easily answer his questions and know how to react to all that fucking relationship bullshit? I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I heard him coming back to the bed and crawling on it again. Why was he here? Why did he come back?
I knew what a ‘break’ meant. They’re usually the beginning of the end. With him living in New York and me living in Pittsburgh this would be the final break up.
“Look, I’m sorry…”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear an apology. I wasn’t angry, at least not much, and not so much at him. I was angry at myself. I should’ve seen it coming. I always should be able to see it coming, but I never did because I had no fucking idea how this was supposed to work.
“Ted and Blake want to adopt a child,” I told him. “That’s what he told me this morning and that he needed a few days off to take care of it. Two minutes later you called me and told me that you wanted a break, and that you didn’t want to come hom… to Pittsburgh this weekend. And I thought about it. A kid, a home... a monogamous relationship.”
“And you didn’t like the thought of all that?” Justin replied.
“It scared the shit out of me.” I looked at him, and I was sure he could see the angst in my eyes. “I can’t do this.”
“Still, it’s not an option right now, but… you never broke the rules, why are you so sure you would fuck this up?” he asked and I looked down again. How was I supposed to explain that? I couldn’t take the risk and end up like my father. Unhappy, depressed, and caught in a life he never wanted to live. What kind of life did I want to live?
“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” Justin said. “Because I said I wanted a break and it reminded you of what had happened before, how I left you twice. Brian, it had nothing to do with you.”
Yeah, sure. I gave him a How could it not have anything to do with me? look - after all, I was still a part of what he wanted to have a break from, wasn’t I?
He sighed. “I mean, it was not because of you. You didn’t do anything wrong. At least nothing I hadn’t done, too. And it was never meant as a break up, never, not for a second, I swear.”
I looked down again when he took my hand in his. This would be harder than all the times before. He wouldn’t just leave; he was not agreeing with me that he should find someone else. I still thought in the end he would leave anyway, it was just a matter of time.
“It’s easier for me than it is for you,” he said. “I know that you’ll be here, always, and that you would never leave me and… that you will never fall for someone else. I admit that having the privilege to be the only guy you have ever really fallen in love with is a great feeling and a wonderful comfort. I wish I could do anything to make you feel the same about me, but I guess… with two break ups in our history, it’s too late for that.”
Why the fuck did he had so much trust in me? No one ever had! I looked up.
“I know you don’t believe in promises, so I won’t offer you one, but…” He crawled a little closer and smiled at me, why the fuck was he smiling? I wouldn’t survive this being-in-love-shit, it would kill me sooner or later. “I can tell you that there hasn’t been one single day since we met that I haven’t been totally head over heals in love with you. Sometimes it’s just no so easy to be with you. And I don’t know what’s going to happen in one year or ten years or twenty years, but right now… I want to be with you and only you.”
Would he ever understand that words like that scared the shit out of me? How was I supposed to respond to that?
Justin's POV
There were two possibilities what the look he gave me could mean:
1. He would burst into tears
2. He would burst out into laughter
Well… he didn’t do either… he just looked at me. He was obviously scared – again. How the fuck could one person be so fucking insecure about everything that had to do with love and trust? I knew his parents sucked, but… good god, it must have been hell on earth. That man had absolutely no trust in love. He practically expected people to leave him sooner or later and when they do… he just lets them leave him. I always wondered why he did that. Why he never asked me to stay when I was about to leave him. I’m still not sure if I’ve figured it out, but maybe he was just scared of getting dumped anyway. Maybe he was just so scared that if he asked someone to help him, to stay with him, to love him… that this person would say “No”. Maybe that’s what his parents did…
“So, Ted told you this morning that he and Blake want to adopt?” I asked him and he nodded. Great, my final decision for the fucking break I thought I needed, but didn’t really want was because I thought he had kept that from me. “That’s… cool.”
“Why are you here?” he asked.
“Because I wanted to.” As stupid as it sounded, it was that simple. “Why are you here?”
He shrugged. “Where else would I be?”
And then he says things like that, simply adorable things… I’m sure he didn’t even realize what he just said because in his head he was still caught up with all the fears he had about being in a relationship. Words like that never came out of his mind, they came from his heart.
“We’re drifting apart, Brian,” I said. “I don’t know when it started, but it did and it kept going on and on and I’m scared that we can’t stop it anymore.”
He nodded.
“I thought staying in New York instead of coming home would help me. I thought I could take the time to figure out what we could do… should do.”
“And you did?”
“Yes, I did.” Because someone said something that just clicked. “When I got home from work, Josh was there and he was surprised to see me, of course, since I never come home from work on a Friday. Then he asked me why I was still living there, why I never moved into a new apartment, a better place. I could easily pay for it and the shit-hole we’re living in not worth staying there if you don’t have to.”
He nodded. “And now you’re finally looking out for a new apartment?”
I stroked his hand. “I don’t want to say goodbye every Sunday and then be alone every day and every night. I want to be a part of your life and I need you to be a part of mine. Daily emails or phone calls are not the same.”
“Guess long distance relationships aren’t as easy as we thought.” He gave me a little smile. It wasn’t an honest smile, but at least he seemed to slowly leave his this won’t last attitude. “Unfortunately it’s too soon for Kinnetik to expand. I went through the calculations: I would have a huge loss, I wouldn’t be able to keep the prices stable, and the wage costs would explode. I could even lose some big clients and that’s not a good start. Not to mention that the economic crisis doesn’t help me either. If I want to expand to New York I have to plan for it as a long-term goal.”
I stared at him. And again I wondered if he realized what he was saying. Sure, he always dreamed about New York, but there was no fucking doubt that the reason for him to do those calculations was to be with me. So … in his head this wouldn’t last because we didn’t fit and he could never give me what (he thought) I wanted to have. But in his heart he was searching for ways to be together. “You really thought about expanding to New York?”
He shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to live there, remember?”
“You know what sucks the most? That you have no idea how incredibly amazing you are.” I leaned forward and kissed him, before he could say anything to ruin this moment again. After a few seconds he finally relaxed and grabbed my sweater to pull me closer. I leaned my forehead against his and laughed. “You’re such an idiot. You won’t fuck anything up, you’re just scared.”
“Shitless.”
“So am I. I don’t have a master plan either. I’m scared, too.”
“You’re going to be successful and famous and…”
I put a finger on his lips and looked him straight in the eyes. “I’m going to be with you. No matter where. And… I don’t have a problem with you tricking.”
Now he laughed at me. “Of course you do. You always have.”
I sighed. He was right, more or less. It wasn’t so much the tricking as itself, it was more the talking about it, the watching it to happen. As long as he was doing it but not in front of me, and as long as he didn’t tell me about a hot guy he had fucked – I didn’t have any problems with him tricking. However, as soon as it happened in front of me, it hurt. “I didn’t expect you to stop the tricking when I was living in New York, but…”
“But when you were here you wanted me to stop,” he nodded.
“Well, sometimes I just… wonder why I’m not enough for you. I mean, we always have a lot of sex and sometimes I don’t understand why after being with me you need to go out to fuck someone else.” I shrugged. “Guess from time to time it makes me feel… well… as if I’m not good enough.”
“O Christ.” He leaned his head back. He hated that kind of talk, I knew that. He hated having to explain himself and his behavior. I was willing to accept the tricking because I didn’t want him to stop being who he was and if he really needed to fuck other guys, I just wanted him to not tell me.
“Look, I just want you to…”
“It’s just fucking,” he said, and looked at me again. “I thought you knew that. I thought you knew that it doesn’t mean anything.”
“If it doesn’t mean anything then why are you doing it?”
“For fun. Just for fun. It’s just sex, just fucking, just getting off…”
I nodded. I knew that none of those guys meant anything to him, and as I told him before I wasn’t jealous of them. Sometimes it just hurt, but I wasn’t even sure what hurt more. Was it that he wanted or needed to fuck other guys, or that he didn’t care if I fucked someone else or if someone else fucked me? “And when you have to … get off, can’t you just… fuck me?”
“No!” He looked as me if that had been the stupidest question I’ve ever asked him. “I can not just fuck you. Thanks to your undeniable obsession for us to become partners, a real couple, and all that fucking romantic lesbian shit. I can not just fuck you! I always have to take care of your needs and make sure you are comfortable and all that.”
“Wow, having sex with me is really hard for you, huh?” I teased him, but couldn’t help smiling. He was just incredible.
“Very hard.”
I laughed and bumped his shoulder. “Look, I will always prefer to have you all to myself and that my ass is the only ass you want to fuck, but I won’t force you to live monogamously. Just… don’t tell me when you’re fucking around okay? And don’t do it when I’m there. All I want is something stable.”
He nodded. “Exactly what I never wanted.”
“O please!” I rolled my eyes at him. “You’re the shining example of wanting life with stability. Every time something changes you’re running straight into a midlife-crisis.”
“Houh wouh wouh… Fuck you! I never ran into a midlife crisis. I’m way too young for a midlife crisis.” He pulled me closer and kissed me again, longer, softer, but more passionate.
“You don’t want to break up with me, do you?” I whispered on his lips.
“No, I think I’ll keep you around for a while.”
I kissed him again and took off my shoes with my feet. What the fuck was I thinking when I told him I wanted to have a break? “And you still don’t want to live here?”
He stroked my cheek and frowned. “Is that a question?”
I shrugged. “If I would come home…”
“You can’t leave New York,” he shook his head. “We’ve already been through this. I don’t want you to sacrifice your career for me. We’ll find another way.”
“I did,” I said. “And it was so fucking easy, Brian. When Josh asked why I never looked for a better place to live, it was like … WHAM! Other than you, I never really dreamed about New York, at least not the way I got to know it. When I moved there, it was a challenge and it was kinda cool, but I always wanted to come back home. I know you can’t understand that because New York still has this magical super-image for you, but I never planned on staying there forever, I never planned on settling there. It never became home to me. I don’t need to live there just to visit art shows all around New York. I don’t even have a studio there. And if it’s really necessary for me to be there, where’s the problem? Bill doesn’t need me to live there.”
“What about Zack?” he asked. “You want to quit your job? You’re practically the star of his company.”
“I’m working online, I’ve never met any of my clients in person and sending emails or making phone calls can easily be done from here. I’ll put a desk in my studio and that can be my workplace. I haven’t talk to Zack yet, but theoretically it’s possible for me to work from here. And again, if he really needs me to be in New York for a project or whatever… I can go there. It would be a business trip. I…”
I stopped myself when I saw the look his face, and I burst out laughing. He looked as if he was freaking out every second. “Having me around 24/7 scares you a lot.”
“Well, I didn’t see that coming.”
I didn’t see it coming either, but since Josh had asked me that simple question I knew it was the answer I was looking for. “You don’t want me to be here?”
He rolled his eyes. “Stop talking shit!” And then he kissed me.
That kiss was even more amazing than the others. It was wonderful and relaxed and lovely. He pushed me down on my back and rolled onto me. Unfortunately I was still fully dressed.
“You do want me to be here,” I whispered on his lips.
He was stroking my hair and kissed my cheeks, my nose, my lips… “I’m keeping the loft. It’s easier for early meetings or business trips.”
And for fucking tricks. I appreciated that he called it early meetings and business trips and I just nodded. “I love the loft.”
He kissed my chin. “I hired a manager for Babylon last month; I don’t have to be there every night anymore.”
And during those nights I was enough for him to “get off”. I nodded again. “I love Babylon.”
“I found a vegetarian restaurant with delivery service 10 minutes from here, very tasty and no carbs.”
That probably meant exactly what he said. I let my fingers stroke over his back. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of making sure there’s some carbs for me in the house.”
He smiled at me and pressed himself against me. “I’m going to fuck you all night.”
I closed my eyes. “I love you.”
TBC
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 2.885
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta: My lovely
mander3_swish - thank you :)Ts ts ts... as I told you 2 chapters before that I might be evil, but I am not that evil! Unfortunately some you had already forgotten that line as soon as Chapter 7 was out *LOL*!
So, this is the last chapter before I leave for vacation on Saturday!!
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
01. Listen to me
02. Trust me
03. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
04. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
05. ...remember what's missing?
06. The Party
07. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
08. 1 wedding, 4 rings... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
09. The first Webcam Sex Chat
10. The first call
11. Expectations - Happy Valentine | Revenge
12. March 18th 2006
13. Aftermath - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
14. Be careful what you wish for
15. Changes - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
Brian's POV
I kept my shirt and looked down at it. It was an Armani shirt, expensive and that little fucker threw it at me. Fuck! Fuck everything! How dare he? How dare he to call me just to tell me that he wanted to have a break and then show up later that night? How dare he to blame me for not falling onto my knees because he came back?
“Fuck this!” I yelled and threw the shirt to the floor. I hated feeling like this. Why does this keep happening?
“Brian…”
And why couldn’t he just leave me alone and try to find someone else, someone who could easily answer his questions and know how to react to all that fucking relationship bullshit? I leaned my head back and closed my eyes. I heard him coming back to the bed and crawling on it again. Why was he here? Why did he come back?
I knew what a ‘break’ meant. They’re usually the beginning of the end. With him living in New York and me living in Pittsburgh this would be the final break up.
“Look, I’m sorry…”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear an apology. I wasn’t angry, at least not much, and not so much at him. I was angry at myself. I should’ve seen it coming. I always should be able to see it coming, but I never did because I had no fucking idea how this was supposed to work.
“Ted and Blake want to adopt a child,” I told him. “That’s what he told me this morning and that he needed a few days off to take care of it. Two minutes later you called me and told me that you wanted a break, and that you didn’t want to come hom… to Pittsburgh this weekend. And I thought about it. A kid, a home... a monogamous relationship.”
“And you didn’t like the thought of all that?” Justin replied.
“It scared the shit out of me.” I looked at him, and I was sure he could see the angst in my eyes. “I can’t do this.”
“Still, it’s not an option right now, but… you never broke the rules, why are you so sure you would fuck this up?” he asked and I looked down again. How was I supposed to explain that? I couldn’t take the risk and end up like my father. Unhappy, depressed, and caught in a life he never wanted to live. What kind of life did I want to live?
“It’s my fault, isn’t it?” Justin said. “Because I said I wanted a break and it reminded you of what had happened before, how I left you twice. Brian, it had nothing to do with you.”
Yeah, sure. I gave him a How could it not have anything to do with me? look - after all, I was still a part of what he wanted to have a break from, wasn’t I?
He sighed. “I mean, it was not because of you. You didn’t do anything wrong. At least nothing I hadn’t done, too. And it was never meant as a break up, never, not for a second, I swear.”
I looked down again when he took my hand in his. This would be harder than all the times before. He wouldn’t just leave; he was not agreeing with me that he should find someone else. I still thought in the end he would leave anyway, it was just a matter of time.
“It’s easier for me than it is for you,” he said. “I know that you’ll be here, always, and that you would never leave me and… that you will never fall for someone else. I admit that having the privilege to be the only guy you have ever really fallen in love with is a great feeling and a wonderful comfort. I wish I could do anything to make you feel the same about me, but I guess… with two break ups in our history, it’s too late for that.”
Why the fuck did he had so much trust in me? No one ever had! I looked up.
“I know you don’t believe in promises, so I won’t offer you one, but…” He crawled a little closer and smiled at me, why the fuck was he smiling? I wouldn’t survive this being-in-love-shit, it would kill me sooner or later. “I can tell you that there hasn’t been one single day since we met that I haven’t been totally head over heals in love with you. Sometimes it’s just no so easy to be with you. And I don’t know what’s going to happen in one year or ten years or twenty years, but right now… I want to be with you and only you.”
Would he ever understand that words like that scared the shit out of me? How was I supposed to respond to that?
Justin's POV
There were two possibilities what the look he gave me could mean:
1. He would burst into tears
2. He would burst out into laughter
Well… he didn’t do either… he just looked at me. He was obviously scared – again. How the fuck could one person be so fucking insecure about everything that had to do with love and trust? I knew his parents sucked, but… good god, it must have been hell on earth. That man had absolutely no trust in love. He practically expected people to leave him sooner or later and when they do… he just lets them leave him. I always wondered why he did that. Why he never asked me to stay when I was about to leave him. I’m still not sure if I’ve figured it out, but maybe he was just scared of getting dumped anyway. Maybe he was just so scared that if he asked someone to help him, to stay with him, to love him… that this person would say “No”. Maybe that’s what his parents did…
“So, Ted told you this morning that he and Blake want to adopt?” I asked him and he nodded. Great, my final decision for the fucking break I thought I needed, but didn’t really want was because I thought he had kept that from me. “That’s… cool.”
“Why are you here?” he asked.
“Because I wanted to.” As stupid as it sounded, it was that simple. “Why are you here?”
He shrugged. “Where else would I be?”
And then he says things like that, simply adorable things… I’m sure he didn’t even realize what he just said because in his head he was still caught up with all the fears he had about being in a relationship. Words like that never came out of his mind, they came from his heart.
“We’re drifting apart, Brian,” I said. “I don’t know when it started, but it did and it kept going on and on and I’m scared that we can’t stop it anymore.”
He nodded.
“I thought staying in New York instead of coming home would help me. I thought I could take the time to figure out what we could do… should do.”
“And you did?”
“Yes, I did.” Because someone said something that just clicked. “When I got home from work, Josh was there and he was surprised to see me, of course, since I never come home from work on a Friday. Then he asked me why I was still living there, why I never moved into a new apartment, a better place. I could easily pay for it and the shit-hole we’re living in not worth staying there if you don’t have to.”
He nodded. “And now you’re finally looking out for a new apartment?”
I stroked his hand. “I don’t want to say goodbye every Sunday and then be alone every day and every night. I want to be a part of your life and I need you to be a part of mine. Daily emails or phone calls are not the same.”
“Guess long distance relationships aren’t as easy as we thought.” He gave me a little smile. It wasn’t an honest smile, but at least he seemed to slowly leave his this won’t last attitude. “Unfortunately it’s too soon for Kinnetik to expand. I went through the calculations: I would have a huge loss, I wouldn’t be able to keep the prices stable, and the wage costs would explode. I could even lose some big clients and that’s not a good start. Not to mention that the economic crisis doesn’t help me either. If I want to expand to New York I have to plan for it as a long-term goal.”
I stared at him. And again I wondered if he realized what he was saying. Sure, he always dreamed about New York, but there was no fucking doubt that the reason for him to do those calculations was to be with me. So … in his head this wouldn’t last because we didn’t fit and he could never give me what (he thought) I wanted to have. But in his heart he was searching for ways to be together. “You really thought about expanding to New York?”
He shrugged. “I’ve always wanted to live there, remember?”
“You know what sucks the most? That you have no idea how incredibly amazing you are.” I leaned forward and kissed him, before he could say anything to ruin this moment again. After a few seconds he finally relaxed and grabbed my sweater to pull me closer. I leaned my forehead against his and laughed. “You’re such an idiot. You won’t fuck anything up, you’re just scared.”
“Shitless.”
“So am I. I don’t have a master plan either. I’m scared, too.”
“You’re going to be successful and famous and…”
I put a finger on his lips and looked him straight in the eyes. “I’m going to be with you. No matter where. And… I don’t have a problem with you tricking.”
Now he laughed at me. “Of course you do. You always have.”
I sighed. He was right, more or less. It wasn’t so much the tricking as itself, it was more the talking about it, the watching it to happen. As long as he was doing it but not in front of me, and as long as he didn’t tell me about a hot guy he had fucked – I didn’t have any problems with him tricking. However, as soon as it happened in front of me, it hurt. “I didn’t expect you to stop the tricking when I was living in New York, but…”
“But when you were here you wanted me to stop,” he nodded.
“Well, sometimes I just… wonder why I’m not enough for you. I mean, we always have a lot of sex and sometimes I don’t understand why after being with me you need to go out to fuck someone else.” I shrugged. “Guess from time to time it makes me feel… well… as if I’m not good enough.”
“O Christ.” He leaned his head back. He hated that kind of talk, I knew that. He hated having to explain himself and his behavior. I was willing to accept the tricking because I didn’t want him to stop being who he was and if he really needed to fuck other guys, I just wanted him to not tell me.
“Look, I just want you to…”
“It’s just fucking,” he said, and looked at me again. “I thought you knew that. I thought you knew that it doesn’t mean anything.”
“If it doesn’t mean anything then why are you doing it?”
“For fun. Just for fun. It’s just sex, just fucking, just getting off…”
I nodded. I knew that none of those guys meant anything to him, and as I told him before I wasn’t jealous of them. Sometimes it just hurt, but I wasn’t even sure what hurt more. Was it that he wanted or needed to fuck other guys, or that he didn’t care if I fucked someone else or if someone else fucked me? “And when you have to … get off, can’t you just… fuck me?”
“No!” He looked as me if that had been the stupidest question I’ve ever asked him. “I can not just fuck you. Thanks to your undeniable obsession for us to become partners, a real couple, and all that fucking romantic lesbian shit. I can not just fuck you! I always have to take care of your needs and make sure you are comfortable and all that.”
“Wow, having sex with me is really hard for you, huh?” I teased him, but couldn’t help smiling. He was just incredible.
“Very hard.”
I laughed and bumped his shoulder. “Look, I will always prefer to have you all to myself and that my ass is the only ass you want to fuck, but I won’t force you to live monogamously. Just… don’t tell me when you’re fucking around okay? And don’t do it when I’m there. All I want is something stable.”
He nodded. “Exactly what I never wanted.”
“O please!” I rolled my eyes at him. “You’re the shining example of wanting life with stability. Every time something changes you’re running straight into a midlife-crisis.”
“Houh wouh wouh… Fuck you! I never ran into a midlife crisis. I’m way too young for a midlife crisis.” He pulled me closer and kissed me again, longer, softer, but more passionate.
“You don’t want to break up with me, do you?” I whispered on his lips.
“No, I think I’ll keep you around for a while.”
I kissed him again and took off my shoes with my feet. What the fuck was I thinking when I told him I wanted to have a break? “And you still don’t want to live here?”
He stroked my cheek and frowned. “Is that a question?”
I shrugged. “If I would come home…”
“You can’t leave New York,” he shook his head. “We’ve already been through this. I don’t want you to sacrifice your career for me. We’ll find another way.”
“I did,” I said. “And it was so fucking easy, Brian. When Josh asked why I never looked for a better place to live, it was like … WHAM! Other than you, I never really dreamed about New York, at least not the way I got to know it. When I moved there, it was a challenge and it was kinda cool, but I always wanted to come back home. I know you can’t understand that because New York still has this magical super-image for you, but I never planned on staying there forever, I never planned on settling there. It never became home to me. I don’t need to live there just to visit art shows all around New York. I don’t even have a studio there. And if it’s really necessary for me to be there, where’s the problem? Bill doesn’t need me to live there.”
“What about Zack?” he asked. “You want to quit your job? You’re practically the star of his company.”
“I’m working online, I’ve never met any of my clients in person and sending emails or making phone calls can easily be done from here. I’ll put a desk in my studio and that can be my workplace. I haven’t talk to Zack yet, but theoretically it’s possible for me to work from here. And again, if he really needs me to be in New York for a project or whatever… I can go there. It would be a business trip. I…”
I stopped myself when I saw the look his face, and I burst out laughing. He looked as if he was freaking out every second. “Having me around 24/7 scares you a lot.”
“Well, I didn’t see that coming.”
I didn’t see it coming either, but since Josh had asked me that simple question I knew it was the answer I was looking for. “You don’t want me to be here?”
He rolled his eyes. “Stop talking shit!” And then he kissed me.
That kiss was even more amazing than the others. It was wonderful and relaxed and lovely. He pushed me down on my back and rolled onto me. Unfortunately I was still fully dressed.
“You do want me to be here,” I whispered on his lips.
He was stroking my hair and kissed my cheeks, my nose, my lips… “I’m keeping the loft. It’s easier for early meetings or business trips.”
And for fucking tricks. I appreciated that he called it early meetings and business trips and I just nodded. “I love the loft.”
He kissed my chin. “I hired a manager for Babylon last month; I don’t have to be there every night anymore.”
And during those nights I was enough for him to “get off”. I nodded again. “I love Babylon.”
“I found a vegetarian restaurant with delivery service 10 minutes from here, very tasty and no carbs.”
That probably meant exactly what he said. I let my fingers stroke over his back. “Don’t worry. I’ll take care of making sure there’s some carbs for me in the house.”
He smiled at me and pressed himself against me. “I’m going to fuck you all night.”
I closed my eyes. “I love you.”
TBC
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on 2011-08-11 08:35 pm (UTC)good chapter sweetie
thank u ^^
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on 2011-08-12 08:02 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-11 09:10 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 08:06 am (UTC)But it can be funny *LOL* because they never really lived together in that house.
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on 2011-08-11 09:23 pm (UTC)Justin has to be very strong to not let Brian keep pushing him away for his own good...and Justin just can't move out again or it would permanently rip poor Brian's heart to shreds.
now, enjoy your vacation...but I hope to see some very porny B/J make up sex installment (no plot necessary) in my inbox when you get back! :P
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on 2011-08-12 08:06 am (UTC)Pffff... well, we'll see.
There are still some "Changes" in my mind, we're not done yet, buuut... give me a little time ;)
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on 2011-08-11 09:34 pm (UTC)i love his chapter!! im so glad they figured sth out n its about time to end this 'long distance' thing..it doesnt suit them..
oh,n i thought brian have stopped tricking..ah well,i cant wait for them to be together!! thank you so much for the wonderful update ;)
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on 2011-08-12 08:07 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-11 09:34 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 08:08 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 08:09 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-11 09:55 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 08:09 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-11 10:03 pm (UTC)enough said *happy sigh*
great chapter , Steffi.
btw, I agree with mander :)))
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on 2011-08-12 08:10 am (UTC)You're such a PWP Junkie *LOL*
Well, we'll see.
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on 2011-08-12 09:26 am (UTC)I'm all for TEH B/J love. cant wait to see where will you lead them.
have you packed, yet?
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on 2011-08-12 11:12 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 11:19 am (UTC)huge hugs
V.
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on 2011-08-11 10:04 pm (UTC)And yes, I read the warning and didn't forget about it but I like this rollercoaster even when I feel the need to throddle them regularly....
Enjoy your vacation and mail me afterwards, ok? Hugs, dear soulmate! Pet
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on 2011-08-12 08:11 am (UTC)If there's anything going on you can reach me via SMS (I won't take the phone with me - but I'll check on it).
Thank you *hugs*
And hey, B/J always were a rollercoaster...
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on 2011-08-11 10:38 pm (UTC)After the last heart attack I have to say that I love this chapter, I was afraid that they just have the fight and run away apart but finally, they talk about it and...¡¡find a way!! tachán!!!!!
I love you. Really.
Ask me for it again after the next chap, right?
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on 2011-08-12 08:14 am (UTC)Hey, come one, no matter how many heart attacks I give you, you'll always love me *gg*
I'm your EVIL!Junkee.
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on 2011-08-11 11:15 pm (UTC)Dee Dee
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on 2011-08-12 08:15 am (UTC)My pleasure to make you happy :)
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on 2011-08-11 11:41 pm (UTC)Yay, Justin is finally coming home. I am not sure that I will ever understand why Brian is so scared but I am so happy that he can admit it.
I love these two. Great chapter.
Kate
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on 2011-08-12 08:16 am (UTC)Thank you *LOL*
That was the permission I was waiting for :P
Brian is scared of everything he can't control.
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on 2011-08-12 12:26 am (UTC)Gina
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on 2011-08-12 08:17 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 12:26 am (UTC)Susan
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on 2011-08-12 08:17 am (UTC)But in the end... they belong together.
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on 2011-08-12 02:53 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 08:18 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 06:43 am (UTC)Hugs Linda
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on 2011-08-12 08:16 am (UTC)Thanks Linda :)
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on 2011-08-12 01:09 pm (UTC)Wonderful chapter!
God, these guys are going to give me a heart attack one of these days.... You don't know what is going to happen.
One minute they fight, the next one, they're kissing and touching...
That's one we love them so much, and that's why I'm madly in love with your fic.
It's always a surprise.
Justin is coming home? For real?
No more lonely nights for them both... ♥ ♥ ♥
Thank you Steffi ♥
*hugs*
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on 2011-08-12 08:39 pm (UTC)And yes, Justin is coming home for real :)
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on 2011-08-12 01:15 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 08:39 pm (UTC)Thanks a lot Sabine :)
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on 2011-08-12 05:08 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-12 08:43 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it.
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on 2011-08-13 01:37 am (UTC)Simply perfect babe,,omg I could see them both on that bed & it made me feel all warm & fuzzy all over.
I loved how they finally 'talked' to each other,,about freaking time,,I realy enjoyed this chapter,,you are forgiven *grins*
Have a great trip,,Ill miss you,,Hugs Jx
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on 2011-08-24 08:34 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-14 02:50 am (UTC)anyway i really100x appreciate u r doin this cuz it's just what i'm lookin for..a continuation of QAF, and god, u r amazing!!!
thank u so much for this!
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on 2011-08-24 08:37 am (UTC)I'm happy to read that you enjoy it.
1 week is pretty far, but trust me, I didn't need much longer either *LOL* It's an obsession.
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on 2011-08-22 01:56 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-24 08:35 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-09-07 07:07 am (UTC)I am completely in love with this series! I enjoy your writing emencely. I am looking forward to your next update. Please tell me is it coming soon? Take care and thanks again for a great story!
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on 2011-09-08 11:44 am (UTC)