Changes, Part 6 (You & Me Series)
Aug. 8th, 2011 09:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soulmatejunkeeTitle: Changes, Part 6/? (You & Me-Series)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 2.014
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta:mander3_swish - thank you so much!
So, here's the deal: I'll travel to Malta for 10 days on Saturday. So there won't be any update from Saturday till ... mh, 10 days later! And as it's already confirmed, I can be a little evil, buuuut... I'm not that bad!
So this chapter won't be the last (except my beta-sweetheart disappears ;) ) for this week, there'll be one - probably even two - more! So remember this okay? :)
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
01. Listen to me
02. Trust me
03. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
04. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
05. ...remember what's missing?
06. The Party
07. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
08. 1 wedding, 4 rings... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
09. The first Webcam Sex Chat
10. The first call
11. Expectations - Happy Valentine | Revenge
12. March 18th 2006
13. Aftermath - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
14. Be careful what you wish for
15. Changes - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
Brian's POV
It kept going on as always.
Justin spent one week at home during Thanksgiving and a few days during Christmas and everything was fine. For everyone who saw us, we were a happy couple without any problems. We had been doing this long distance relationship for over two years by now, and practically everyone gave us respect for that and so did I. Even though things were changing in front of us all the time, we weren’t unhappy. There were no fight, no arguments, nothing. It’s not that we didn’t talk; we just left out some… stuff.
It wasn’t that I wanted to leave that shit out. When I came home every evening, sometimes very late, I wished he was there just to ask me how my day was, so that I could tell him how shitty it was. I’ve never shared the big details with him, but even talking about the small things would make a difference. It would be easier to relax, to free my mind of the stresses of the day.
Going out and fucking some nameless idiots didn’t do that for me anymore. That was also a change – and so far not a good one. Normally going out and getting my dick sucked always had helped me to relax. Now it was just… a blowjob that didn’t change anything.
My life was still in Pittsburgh. I worked every day to keep my business thriving, but the worldwide economic downturn didn’t make it easy for us. We lost some of our clients. Not the big ones, but a lot of smaller ones who simply couldn’t keep their businesses alive. That sucked for us, too, because I had to lay off some of my workers and I hated to do that.
“It’s the best you can do now,” Ted said. “You have to take care of your business and to keep it up as good as we can.”
He wasn’t very optimistic. He told me that he expected to lose a lot more clients than we had lost so far, which totally ruined any plans I had been thinking about to expand the company to New York City.
“Fuck!”
“Yeah, it sucks,” he nodded, “but there’ll be better times again. We just have to survive this, and we can’t survive if we don’t keep costs down.”
Keeping the costs down was also something else I hadn’t planned on. I was still running Babylon and I still had to pay for the house and the loft. I had a lot of running costs. What if I wasn’t able to pay all of it, if I had to sell one of them?
I tried to figure out what I would sell at first and the result was that I didn’t want to sell any of them.
“Fuck!”
“It’s not that bad,” Ted said. “We still do have the big clients and they’re still paying us. We also have some reserves. Don’t worry.”
“Can I still afford the running costs of every month? Babylon, the loft and… the house?”
“Well, it’s all fully paid so you only have to pay the maintenance costs, and for Babylon of course the compensation. Shouldn’t be a problem yet. As long as the club keeps running as good as it is, it practically pays itself. And the costs for the loft aren’t that high. The house does cost a lot, well, it’s a big house and the costs for the pool… maybe you could ask Justin to…”
“No.”
“He’s doing well at his job, Brian. You really should consider it.”
“No!” I shook my head. “No word to him, got it?”
“Sure.”
I would find a way, I always did. I had to.
Justin's POV
I spent one week at home during Thanksgiving and a few days during Christmas and everything was fine, practically perfect.
And my life seemed to be perfect, too. I had everything. A good job, a place to stay and a lovely roommate, and a very good agent who really pushed me in every way I could even think about. My first show in New York was very successful. The reviews weren’t all about me, but I was mentioned and not in a bad way. So far it hadn’t helped me to get another show in New York, but I got shows all around New York and even one offer from Montréal.
My sister adored me more and more every day. I had no idea why, but I also didn’t care. Every time we talked to each other over the internet she told me how cool it was to have a brother living in New York City. I assumed she wanted to get an invitation, but there was no chance that my mother would let her come here – alone. I also didn’t have any time since every weekend was planed and during the week I was busy.
My job at Zack’s agency was a fulltime job now. I got a full contract and the clients loved my ideas and I really liked that job. It was fun and exciting and never boring. Not to mention that Zack paid me very well. He also was very flexible for my art shows and the times I was away. We really found a good balance.
I talked to my father once a week. He called every Wednesday, and our relationship was very relaxed lately. He never tried to push me to anything and I never forced him into a conversation about gay rights. We had found a middle ground that worked very well.
But the daily routine problem was still there. By accident I heard that Kinnetik had lost one of its biggest clients and also some smaller ones and that the economic crisis was having a negative impact on the advertising industry.
When I asked Brian about it he told me that I don’t have to worry. I knew he was playing it cool. Not that I could have changed anything or that I could’ve prevented it, but I would’ve liked to know about it. It was important for him, so it was important to me.
We were totally stuck in our long distance relationship. He had his life in Pittsburgh and I had mine in New York. We met on the weekends and had 48 hours on our little island – either in the hotel room or our house – a safe place where no one would disturb us. Then we went back into our daily routines… him in his and me in mine… and that was what was wrong.
It wasn’t only him who didn’t tell me anything, it was me who stopped telling him stuff, too.
This situation got depressing. We both knew what was going on, but we also had no idea how to change it. Every phone call was the same “Is everything okay?” “Yes, sure.” And since we both didn’t want our weekend bubble to burst, we didn’t say anything.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy during the weekend, I was. As soon as I left or he left I missed him and every Friday I was excited to see him. Sometimes I wanted to talk about it. But… then I said his name and he looked at me and gave me a soft smile and I didn’t say anything, I just kissed him. I didn’t want to cause any problems between us, as ridiculous as it sounds, since we were both pretty aware that we already had problems, but no solution.
I still had shows all around the east coast. Philadelphia really loved my work, it was amazing. Every time I got the good reviews or good news and I went home, I had no one to celebrate with, no one who just hugged me and told me that he was proud of me or that it was cool. Of course I told Brian about every show and sure he was happy for me, but it wasn’t the same. It was always hours between being euphoric and coming home and talking to him and so…
I spent my birthday alone – again. You know, I really don’t need to celebrate that day with a big party every year, it’s absolutely not necessary. I did get a lot of calls; it’s not that people forgot about me. I also talked to Brian and he was really cute. He told me that he wished he could be with me and that it sucked that this new client was in town only during my birthday.
“We’re celebrating when you’re home this weekend,” he promised, and it made me smile because I missed him.
The situation really started to bother me; it made me unhappy and angry. I wasn’t angry at him, he didn’t do anything wrong, at least nothing more than I did. And it was also not his fault.
But it seemed that I got caught in an angry mood and it made me even angrier. I wasn’t willing to keep things going on like this, but as I said before, I hadn’t any solution. So I decided that we needed to change something and that I would figure out what that would be.
I got a call from Michael on Thursday, and we talked about Rage and possible new stories. It was a welcome distraction. During the small talk, he told me that things weren’t easy for Brian lately because of the business stuff and that Ted had told him that keeping the club, the loft, and the house was very expensive and that they really had to keep their costs down lately.
Of course, Mr. Kinney hadn’t told me how bad it was.
And then Michael told me that Ted and Blake had decided to adopt a child, to become a real family, and that they were totally euphoric about it and totally into it and how excited everyone was for them.
Of course, Mr. Kinney hadn’t told me that either.
So I called him on Friday morning – still not in my best mood and very angry about our situation and the news I had heard from Michael instead of my partner during phone calls, the weekends or when the fuck ever – and I was absolutely determined to find a solution.
“Hey,” he answered his phone at Kinnetik.
“Hey. I’m just calling to tell you that I won’t come to Pittsburgh this weekend.”
“That’s short. Other plans?” he asked.
I had to cancel our weekend once before because I had a show in Chicago, but that was months ago and it really had only been once. Somehow every show I was a part of always happened during the week. That wasn’t the routine actually, but so far it hadn’t been really big shows, so it’s probably pretty normal.
“No, no other plans. I just… I don’t want to come,” I answered. I was very rude and I knew that was wrong, it was unfair and bitchy. But it was in my mind that we were headed in a bad direction and we needed to change something and I needed time to figure out what and how. “Look, I… I need a break.”
There was silence. I totally caught him off guard. I’m sure I hurt him, but I didn’t want to, I never wanted to. But I was hurt, too, and as I said, I was really annoyed and angry and I felt totally helpless. I really thought that not going to Pittsburgh would help me to figure things out. You know, a little distance…
“Okay.”
I closed my eyes briefly. I felt like an asshole. I acted like an asshole. I didn’t even give him a reason for not coming and I knew he wouldn’t ask, at least not now, maybe later. Maybe never. Sometimes Brian just accepts all the shit people put on him even though he didn’t deserve it, usually.
“I’ll call you.”
“Take care of yourself,” he said with a low voice.
“Bye.” I just hung up and stared at my cell phone. What had I done?
TBC
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 2.014
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta:
mander3_swish - thank you so much!So, here's the deal: I'll travel to Malta for 10 days on Saturday. So there won't be any update from Saturday till ... mh, 10 days later! And as it's already confirmed, I can be a little evil, buuuut... I'm not that bad!
So this chapter won't be the last (except my beta-sweetheart disappears ;) ) for this week, there'll be one - probably even two - more! So remember this okay? :)
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
01. Listen to me
02. Trust me
03. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
04. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
05. ...remember what's missing?
06. The Party
07. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
08. 1 wedding, 4 rings... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
09. The first Webcam Sex Chat
10. The first call
11. Expectations - Happy Valentine | Revenge
12. March 18th 2006
13. Aftermath - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8
14. Be careful what you wish for
15. Changes - 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
Brian's POV
It kept going on as always.
Justin spent one week at home during Thanksgiving and a few days during Christmas and everything was fine. For everyone who saw us, we were a happy couple without any problems. We had been doing this long distance relationship for over two years by now, and practically everyone gave us respect for that and so did I. Even though things were changing in front of us all the time, we weren’t unhappy. There were no fight, no arguments, nothing. It’s not that we didn’t talk; we just left out some… stuff.
It wasn’t that I wanted to leave that shit out. When I came home every evening, sometimes very late, I wished he was there just to ask me how my day was, so that I could tell him how shitty it was. I’ve never shared the big details with him, but even talking about the small things would make a difference. It would be easier to relax, to free my mind of the stresses of the day.
Going out and fucking some nameless idiots didn’t do that for me anymore. That was also a change – and so far not a good one. Normally going out and getting my dick sucked always had helped me to relax. Now it was just… a blowjob that didn’t change anything.
My life was still in Pittsburgh. I worked every day to keep my business thriving, but the worldwide economic downturn didn’t make it easy for us. We lost some of our clients. Not the big ones, but a lot of smaller ones who simply couldn’t keep their businesses alive. That sucked for us, too, because I had to lay off some of my workers and I hated to do that.
“It’s the best you can do now,” Ted said. “You have to take care of your business and to keep it up as good as we can.”
He wasn’t very optimistic. He told me that he expected to lose a lot more clients than we had lost so far, which totally ruined any plans I had been thinking about to expand the company to New York City.
“Fuck!”
“Yeah, it sucks,” he nodded, “but there’ll be better times again. We just have to survive this, and we can’t survive if we don’t keep costs down.”
Keeping the costs down was also something else I hadn’t planned on. I was still running Babylon and I still had to pay for the house and the loft. I had a lot of running costs. What if I wasn’t able to pay all of it, if I had to sell one of them?
I tried to figure out what I would sell at first and the result was that I didn’t want to sell any of them.
“Fuck!”
“It’s not that bad,” Ted said. “We still do have the big clients and they’re still paying us. We also have some reserves. Don’t worry.”
“Can I still afford the running costs of every month? Babylon, the loft and… the house?”
“Well, it’s all fully paid so you only have to pay the maintenance costs, and for Babylon of course the compensation. Shouldn’t be a problem yet. As long as the club keeps running as good as it is, it practically pays itself. And the costs for the loft aren’t that high. The house does cost a lot, well, it’s a big house and the costs for the pool… maybe you could ask Justin to…”
“No.”
“He’s doing well at his job, Brian. You really should consider it.”
“No!” I shook my head. “No word to him, got it?”
“Sure.”
I would find a way, I always did. I had to.
Justin's POV
I spent one week at home during Thanksgiving and a few days during Christmas and everything was fine, practically perfect.
And my life seemed to be perfect, too. I had everything. A good job, a place to stay and a lovely roommate, and a very good agent who really pushed me in every way I could even think about. My first show in New York was very successful. The reviews weren’t all about me, but I was mentioned and not in a bad way. So far it hadn’t helped me to get another show in New York, but I got shows all around New York and even one offer from Montréal.
My sister adored me more and more every day. I had no idea why, but I also didn’t care. Every time we talked to each other over the internet she told me how cool it was to have a brother living in New York City. I assumed she wanted to get an invitation, but there was no chance that my mother would let her come here – alone. I also didn’t have any time since every weekend was planed and during the week I was busy.
My job at Zack’s agency was a fulltime job now. I got a full contract and the clients loved my ideas and I really liked that job. It was fun and exciting and never boring. Not to mention that Zack paid me very well. He also was very flexible for my art shows and the times I was away. We really found a good balance.
I talked to my father once a week. He called every Wednesday, and our relationship was very relaxed lately. He never tried to push me to anything and I never forced him into a conversation about gay rights. We had found a middle ground that worked very well.
But the daily routine problem was still there. By accident I heard that Kinnetik had lost one of its biggest clients and also some smaller ones and that the economic crisis was having a negative impact on the advertising industry.
When I asked Brian about it he told me that I don’t have to worry. I knew he was playing it cool. Not that I could have changed anything or that I could’ve prevented it, but I would’ve liked to know about it. It was important for him, so it was important to me.
We were totally stuck in our long distance relationship. He had his life in Pittsburgh and I had mine in New York. We met on the weekends and had 48 hours on our little island – either in the hotel room or our house – a safe place where no one would disturb us. Then we went back into our daily routines… him in his and me in mine… and that was what was wrong.
It wasn’t only him who didn’t tell me anything, it was me who stopped telling him stuff, too.
This situation got depressing. We both knew what was going on, but we also had no idea how to change it. Every phone call was the same “Is everything okay?” “Yes, sure.” And since we both didn’t want our weekend bubble to burst, we didn’t say anything.
It wasn’t that I wasn’t happy during the weekend, I was. As soon as I left or he left I missed him and every Friday I was excited to see him. Sometimes I wanted to talk about it. But… then I said his name and he looked at me and gave me a soft smile and I didn’t say anything, I just kissed him. I didn’t want to cause any problems between us, as ridiculous as it sounds, since we were both pretty aware that we already had problems, but no solution.
I still had shows all around the east coast. Philadelphia really loved my work, it was amazing. Every time I got the good reviews or good news and I went home, I had no one to celebrate with, no one who just hugged me and told me that he was proud of me or that it was cool. Of course I told Brian about every show and sure he was happy for me, but it wasn’t the same. It was always hours between being euphoric and coming home and talking to him and so…
I spent my birthday alone – again. You know, I really don’t need to celebrate that day with a big party every year, it’s absolutely not necessary. I did get a lot of calls; it’s not that people forgot about me. I also talked to Brian and he was really cute. He told me that he wished he could be with me and that it sucked that this new client was in town only during my birthday.
“We’re celebrating when you’re home this weekend,” he promised, and it made me smile because I missed him.
The situation really started to bother me; it made me unhappy and angry. I wasn’t angry at him, he didn’t do anything wrong, at least nothing more than I did. And it was also not his fault.
But it seemed that I got caught in an angry mood and it made me even angrier. I wasn’t willing to keep things going on like this, but as I said before, I hadn’t any solution. So I decided that we needed to change something and that I would figure out what that would be.
I got a call from Michael on Thursday, and we talked about Rage and possible new stories. It was a welcome distraction. During the small talk, he told me that things weren’t easy for Brian lately because of the business stuff and that Ted had told him that keeping the club, the loft, and the house was very expensive and that they really had to keep their costs down lately.
Of course, Mr. Kinney hadn’t told me how bad it was.
And then Michael told me that Ted and Blake had decided to adopt a child, to become a real family, and that they were totally euphoric about it and totally into it and how excited everyone was for them.
Of course, Mr. Kinney hadn’t told me that either.
So I called him on Friday morning – still not in my best mood and very angry about our situation and the news I had heard from Michael instead of my partner during phone calls, the weekends or when the fuck ever – and I was absolutely determined to find a solution.
“Hey,” he answered his phone at Kinnetik.
“Hey. I’m just calling to tell you that I won’t come to Pittsburgh this weekend.”
“That’s short. Other plans?” he asked.
I had to cancel our weekend once before because I had a show in Chicago, but that was months ago and it really had only been once. Somehow every show I was a part of always happened during the week. That wasn’t the routine actually, but so far it hadn’t been really big shows, so it’s probably pretty normal.
“No, no other plans. I just… I don’t want to come,” I answered. I was very rude and I knew that was wrong, it was unfair and bitchy. But it was in my mind that we were headed in a bad direction and we needed to change something and I needed time to figure out what and how. “Look, I… I need a break.”
There was silence. I totally caught him off guard. I’m sure I hurt him, but I didn’t want to, I never wanted to. But I was hurt, too, and as I said, I was really annoyed and angry and I felt totally helpless. I really thought that not going to Pittsburgh would help me to figure things out. You know, a little distance…
“Okay.”
I closed my eyes briefly. I felt like an asshole. I acted like an asshole. I didn’t even give him a reason for not coming and I knew he wouldn’t ask, at least not now, maybe later. Maybe never. Sometimes Brian just accepts all the shit people put on him even though he didn’t deserve it, usually.
“I’ll call you.”
“Take care of yourself,” he said with a low voice.
“Bye.” I just hung up and stared at my cell phone. What had I done?
TBC
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2011-08-08 08:12 pm (UTC)I hope they'll figure it out sooner or later ;)
I like that Brian begins to feel bored with tricking...
great update
*hugs*
V.
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on 2011-08-09 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-09 08:22 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-09 09:25 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-08 08:43 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-09 08:05 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-08 09:34 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-09 08:03 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-08 09:59 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-09 08:04 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-08 10:23 pm (UTC)another excellent update! I so envy your muse lol Mine has totally deserted me.
So loving this story.
Gina
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on 2011-08-09 08:02 am (UTC)Missed your comments at the last chapters. Glad you're still on :)
no subject
on 2011-08-08 11:03 pm (UTC)PLEASE say you have the next chapter almost done! :-D
Hugs, Cindy
no subject
on 2011-08-09 08:02 am (UTC)It's completely done, I'm just waiting for my beta to return it :)
Honestly, I expected more "WTF Justin"-comments *LOL*
It's funny that they're not really coming *gg*
no subject
on 2011-08-09 12:15 am (UTC)Please make them talk. Make Brian get mad at Justin.
I need our beautiful boys happy.
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on 2011-08-09 08:01 am (UTC)I'm sure Brian knows that Justin makes him happy, he just doesn't ask Justin to do it - unfortunately.
Next chapter is on its way :)
no subject
on 2011-08-09 01:14 am (UTC)Dee Dee
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on 2011-08-09 07:58 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-09 03:57 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-09 06:39 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-09 11:36 am (UTC)Shit! Double shit!!!Oh man, at first letting things slide until it gets that bad and then THAT?!? Bad choice of action, Justin, really bad... also, I don't get him here, he used to be so much more agressive in his actions towards Brian but that appears to be sort of skimping out. And why for fuck's sake when he knows how Brian will react to that?!? Ugh... yeah... rant over ;)Hugs, Rena
no subject
on 2011-08-09 01:14 pm (UTC)Everything is going to be okay.
no subject
on 2011-08-09 05:34 pm (UTC)Okay, I trust you to make it all better again :D
no subject
on 2011-08-09 04:13 pm (UTC)And shit. When I saw this post I sweared to wait, I had such a growling feeling after the last chap and expected one new evil!soulmate end sooner or later but hoped that you won't leave us with a bad cliffhanger before you leave for Malta and thought it would be better to wait for all chaps which come before...and failed...and am pissed off now at me. See? I knew it!
You said above it's because they're men. Right. But on the top they are Brain and Justin and that means retarded men when it comes to communication skills. Hell and all. They spent every weekend together. I can understand their wish to keep the world outside, yes, but once you have realized that this might cause a problem on the other side then you have to open your mouth. And not to stick some dick in it, for a change!
This said: what the hell is Justin doing now? He, the one with the big plan before, has lost his mind now? I can't even say that I'm surprised about Brian's lethargic reaction...yes, I know it's not real letharguc, it's just Brian. Anyway and all: they are both pathetic, even now, after all the time. I guess you had quite a bit of work to do with throddling them and making this mess all fine again, right? I am really glad that you'll update soon. Now I won't even try to wait, I want to know what happens now really bad!!!!!!!!!!
Thanks for your steadily writing on and on. Incredible. And don't leave your muse in Malta, please! Hugs, Pet
no subject
on 2011-08-09 06:44 pm (UTC)You can not say that I didn't warn you.
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on 2011-08-10 06:02 am (UTC)Thanks for reading.
no subject
on 2011-08-09 11:08 pm (UTC)Morons! Both of them.
Com'on... why aren't they talking about the situation?
Why aren't they fighting for their relationship???
*sigh* and then *sigh* again....
But you know that I love my evil!soulmate, right?
Can't wait to read more ♥ So well done!
no subject
on 2011-08-10 06:03 am (UTC)Keep that feeling alive :)
Thank you so much for your lovely comment.
Glad you still like my little series.
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on 2011-08-10 03:02 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-10 06:02 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-10 10:07 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-11 06:06 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-08-11 02:11 am (UTC)That was just so immature & so hurtful,,like WTF!! As IF BK really needs that shit,,he already feels unworthy,,that's been his problem all along,,& JT is one of the most selfish little shits on the planet,,I hope he feels awful,,you need to fix them,,OK!!!
Love Jx
no subject
on 2011-08-11 06:06 am (UTC)