Aftermath, Part 3 (You & Me Series)
Apr. 5th, 2011 09:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soulmatejunkeeTitle: Aftermath, Part 3 (You & Me-Series)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 4.018
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta:mander3_swish - thank you so much!
Look what a reader on the german board did for me (for Part 2 of "Aftermath") :)
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
01. Listen to me
02. Trust me
03. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
04. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
05. ...remember what's missing?
06. The Party
07. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
08. 1 wedding, 4 rings... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
09. The first Webcam Sex Chat
10. The first call
11. Expectations - Happy Valentine | Revenge
12. March 18th 2006
13. Aftermath - 1 | 2 | 3
Brian's POV
I was listening to the guy who wanted to sell me a fencing to fence around the house. He seemed very excited…it was going be a very big fence since our property was really huge. Not to mention the gate I had planed, which add even more to the expense of it all. That guy had some really big plans in mind.
While he was still talking I saw a car pulling into the driveway. I excused myself from the still very enthusiastic sales guy, and then I realized who the visitor was. The second he got out of his car, he saw the red letters painted on the side of the house. He seemed really shocked about it.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him.
He looked at me and got a cane out of the car. “Wow, it’s a really big house.”
How exactly did Craig Taylor find out about the house? “May I help you?”
“I hope so. Did you talk to Justin… today?”
“No,” I answered. “I tried to reach him yesterday, but his cell phone was off. Guess the meeting went longer than expected.”
He nodded. “What happened?”
I pointed to the wall. “I’m taking care of it.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
I shook my head. “No. Thanks.”
He closed his eyes and leaned against the car. “But there’s something you can do for me.”
“And that would be?”
“Justin. He’s totally… unpredictable.” He looked at me. “I can’t talk to him. I mean, I try. I call him and I try some normal small talk, but he barely answers. When I ask him something, he doesn’t want to talk about it. Yesterday… he finally started to talk. He told me that… someone had thrown stones through the windows. He didn’t tell me about the new paint job, though.”
“He doesn’t know. He already freaked out about the stones; I didn’t want to upset him more than he already is.”
“Do you know who did it?” he asked.
“So far no.” Unfortunately, the two guys caught two nights ago by the private investigators I hired weren’t been the ones who attacked us with stones, nor were they responsible for the spray paint and egging. They turned out to be just two kids who were out and had to pee, choosing our driveway to do it in.
Craig nodded. “Anyway… when Justin told me about what happened, I asked him the same question. I asked him if maybe the neighbours feel provoked or anything and he totally freaked out.”
Wasn’t he just hilarious? Craig really had no idea who his son was, well… how could he? “And do you think asking Justin if he had done anything to elicit people throwing stones at him was a smart question? …coming from a homophobic asshole, such as yourself?”
He just took it, he didn’t say anything, and he didn’t start defending himself, nothing. I was really surprised. “It was just a question. I didn’t intend to make it sound like an accusation or anything.”
“Guess you failed.”
“I tried calling him again, but he won’t answer his phone anymore.”
So that was the reason, and not the meeting with that guy who wanted to make Rage a famous TV-Hero. Fuck! Justin was already angry and his father only made it worse…seeing as how Justin won’t even want to talk to me… “Fuck.”
“I thought maybe you could give me… his address in New York?” Craig asked.
“You want to show up there, without warning?”
“I doubt that he’ll ever show up at my place for a visit, and I do have a lot of time lately, so why not fly to New York to try and fix things with my son?”
I have to admit that I was moderately impressed. It seemed to be very important for him to talk to Justin. I knew Justin wouldn’t agree with me, but I admit that I think it would be a good idea for them to finally talk to each other in person, not just on the phone. So I gave him the address.
“Thank you.”
Justin's POV
I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to hear about anything. I just tuned my cell phone off. I knew that Brian would worry about that, but fuck… I needed a little time to calm down. I was still wearing the bandage on my foot, so the memory of the attack on the house is still fresh. I was still extremely pissed off about all of that. It was my house, my home, and they ruined it. Sure, we would get an alarm system, but that didn’t make it any better.
Brian would be here on Friday and I was happy that we’d be here in New York for the weekend. I didn’t want to go back home yet, even though I was sure Brian had already taken care of the windows and that there wouldn’t be any trace of the attack once I returned to the house.
On Thursday night I was working on my website… well, working on my site was my alibi. I wasn’t really working; I was just sitting, staring out of the window.
Noelle knocked on my door, bringing me out of solitude, “Justin?”
“What?”
“There’s someone here for you.”
Brian? Was he worried so much that he came sooner? I got up and opened the door, only to see my father standing behind her. What the fuck?!
“Hello Justin,” he said.
Noelle nodded. “I leave you two alone, I’m out tonight.”
I sighed and turned around to go back to my room. Of course he followed me. Still – what the fuck?!
“It’s a… nice place.”
He was definitely the first person who said that about this shitty apartment. I shook my head and looked at him. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to talk to you. You won’t answer my calls and… I thought it would better to try to talk to you in person, rather then sending you an email.”
So far so good… I crossed my arms and shrugged. “You can start now, I’m listening.”
“I want to apologize. I didn’t mean to offend you the other day…you took it the wrong way.”
“How exactly did I take did they feel provoked the wrong way? It’s impossible to take it the wrong way.”
“Justin…” he sighed and closed his eyes briefly, “talking with you feels like I’m trying to diffuse a time bomb. One single word, one misunderstanding, and you hang up on me! Then you don’t answer your phone anymore, which then gives me no chance to clear things up!”
Our conversation started to get louder.
“What exactly do you expect me to do when I tell you that someone threw stones at me and vandalized my house? Your first response is that Brian and I are to blame because we might have provoked them!”
“I never said that you are to blame! I was just asking if anything happened that someone might feel provoked and do something like that! What kind of response did you expect?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Huh, let me think, something like: You got hurt? Is everything okay? Do you know who did this? That would’ve been a nice, normal reaction, but that would require that you actually care about me.”
“I do care about you.”
He was still able to intimidate me with his angry look. When I was younger, I liked to play jokes on people. Once I painted the neighbor’s dog with yellow paint. Even though the neighbors saw me do it, I ran away and told everyone that I didn’t do it. Dad was really pissed back then. He had that look on his face and I broke down and told him the truth. Today was different. Everything was different.
“You still hate me for who I am!”
“I don’t hate you! I just don’t understand you!”
I was hurt. Every time I saw him, every time I talked to him, it all came back. The moment when he told me that I couldn’t come home; the moment when he told me that I had to follow those ridiculous rules if I wanted to be a part of the family; the moment when he told me that he wouldn’t pay for college if it wasn’t Dartmouth; the moment when he told me that people like me would ruin the holiness of marriage; and the moment when he had me arrested. I have no idea which moment hurt the most.
“Listen,” he said and walked closer to me. “I try. I really do. I want to know you and who you are and… I didn’t say anything about your life, your … relationship or your professional career. But I cannot promise you that I will always say the perfect thing or have the right answer.”
I nodded. “And how do you want me to respond in moments like that?”
“Tell me that you need to hear something else.”
I sighed and shook my head. “Why are you doing this, Dad? Really, I want to know. You threw me out, you cut me out of your life… fuck, you even blackmailed me, you gave me weird rules and ultimatums. You attacked Brian. You supported people who bombed a gay club, you…”
“I had nothing to do with that bomb,” he interrupted me. “I swear you. I had no idea about tha…”
“That doesn’t matter!” I interrupted. “You’re supposed to be on my side, always! Even if you don’t understand what I’m doing and even if you don’t like it, even if you wish I would be a straight businessman. The second you start to support a group that is willing to take away my rights of being an accepted part of the society, you humiliate me! God, you even told me that people like me were soiling the sanctity of marriage and family. You of all people… you sucked as a father! What the fuck do you know about family?!”
Obviously I pushed a button. He got really angry.
“And what the fuck do you know about having a gay son and being commiserated for it all the time by business partners, old friends, and customers?!” he yelled back at me. “What the fuck do you know how it feels when you realize that everything you had built, every plan you had, every dream you had… is worthless?!”
“Do you know how it feels to know that your own father isn’t willing or able to love you, just because you don’t fit into his pathetic, idiotic picture of the perfect son?”
“Pathetic?!”
“Yes!”
We were really loud. I was sure the neighbors could hear us easily.
“You think wanting my son taking over what I have built is pathetic? Wanting my son to become a successful businessman is pathetic? Wanting to have a normal life… is pathetic? And don’t tell me it could’ve been normal, Justin! A 30 year old guy taking home a teenager is not normal!”
I shook my head. “Don’t make this about Brian! Brian is not the problem, he never was! When I asked you for help, paying for my school, I wasn’t with Brian anymore… and I told you that. It didn’t change anything!”
He sat down on my bed and looked down. Suddenly it was very silent, it was almost terrifying. “What do you want me to do? Tell me.” He looked up to me. “I can’t turn back the clock - I can’t undo what has happened.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
“Give me a chance. I know that you’re scared, but so am I. I know that we still don’t fit. Maybe I will never understand you, just as you’ll never understand me, but I’m trying. I need you to meet me halfway.”
“I don’t trust you anymore.”
“We can work on that.”
“I’m not sure if I… fuck!” I really couldn’t deal with it. It was too much. I was waiting for this to happen for so long, but now that my father was willing to accept me, even asking for forgiveness, I couldn’t handle it. “Dad…”
“I saw your house,” he said.
I knew he tried to support me, to prove to me that he really meant it and he was probably afraid I would reject him. “How do you know…?”
“You told me… and your sister told me the rest. Don’t kill her.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll consider it.”
“It’s a really… impressive house.”
“Yes,” I nodded. “It is a beautiful house.”
He stood up and shrugged. “Why don’t you tell me about it while we have dinner?”
I just looked at him.
“Come on Justin, it’s just a dinner.”
It was just a dinner… what could happen? I nodded and took my jacket. “Okay, let’s go.”
Brian's POV
Since I knew that Craig would show up in New York, I decided to not call Justin. If a phone call with his father made him angry enough to avoid me, what would a face-to-face talk do to him? I assumed that Craig might have told him that he got his address from me, so I would wait to see if he wanted to tell me about or not.
I flew to New York on Friday evening and went straight to the hotel room. I knew there was the possibility that he was angry at me, too… I wasn’t even sure if or when he’d show up, so I just watched TV and waited.
It was almost midnight when he finally showed up. He leaned against the door frame and looked at me.
“Hey,” he said.
I nodded. “Hey.”
“You didn’t call.”
“Neither did you.” I turned the TV off. “I thought you might need some time to think. If you wanted to talk to me, you would’ve called me.”
He sighed. “It was a weird week.”
“I know.” It was a very weird week, but I had other reasons for thinking so. “How are you?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged and walked over to me.
I was sitting on the bed, looking at him, and waiting to see what might happen. I thought about every possible scenario over the course of the last day. He could be thankful; he could be pissed; there could be a fight; maybe he wanted to fuck and not talk – I admit, that was more a wish than a possibility. The second Justin stops talking I start to worry.
“Michael told me about the comic offer.”
He sort of smiled, not really, but almost. “Let me guess, you’re answer was, you’re so pathetic.”
“I was wondering why you didn’t tell me about it.”
“It was a weird week.” He crawled onto the bed, fully clothed, and kneeled in front of me. “Do you think I’m a good person?”
People say that after a while a relationship gets boring. Actually, I was one of those people who always said that. God, I was so fucking wrong. What the fuck was this about now? A good person? “What did you do?”
“Nothing, I was just thinking about it.”
“Because…”
He shrugged. “Just thinking about why some things happen to me over and over and over again. Maybe it’s Karma?”
“It’s not Karma, it’s homophobia. If it only happened to bad people, every gay person on this planet would be considered a bad person.”
“But it doesn’t happen to every gay person.”
“What about the bombing? Do you think every person there was a bad one? Or the ones that died were they bad people?”
“No! I think that maybe it just happened because of bad Karma and all the others were… just there.”
What the fuck happened to him the last few days? Was this about his father? I didn’t expect Craig to fuck it up again. Why would he fly to New York, just to fuck up again? I shook my head and frowned. “Are you really telling me that you think you and your Karma are responsible for the bombing and the bashing and the stones?”
He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. “No…or yes, maybe. I don’t know.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Why?” He looked back at me. He was still kneeling beside me. “Why is it bullshit? It all keeps coming back to me.”
“What if it’s about me?” Really, I didn’t believe that, but if I followed his logic – which I would still call bullshit – me being the target would make way more sense than his theory.
“What?”
“Well, it started when you met me, right? You got bashed because I showed up at your prom.”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t your fau…”
“You got bombed in my club,” I interrupted him, “and I was the one who bought the house were someone threw stones at you. So what if it is my Karma? What if I am the bad person? You surely find tons of people who would agree with that theory and definitely a lot more than you could ever make agree with your theory!”
“What about my father? He attacked you twice, he could’ve killed you! It only happened because you met me and not vice versa. And Ethan…he cheated on me… I cheated on you before that. What goes around, comes around: Karma.”
“O god…” I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. This was a really weird game and I guess it would’ve never ended because it’s easy to come up with what goes around, comes around.
“You think I’m stupid.”
“No, I do not think that you’re stupid,” I sighed. “I think you think too much. Sometimes there’s no plausible reason why some things happen. And your Karma can not be responsible for the actions of homophobic assholes or cheaters or liars. If that would work, it would be the perfect excuse for every attack and every mistake! And there’s no excuse for killing or bashing someone just because he’s gay or fat or black or… whatever!”
“Okay, then why does this always happen to me… to us? Why does it never stop?”
I looked back at him. “I guess they don’t understand us and that scares them and so they hate us. That’s the normal way. You generally don’t like things you don’t understand.”
He nodded. “That’s what my father said, too.”
“Wow, he’s not a total douche after all, is he?”
“You knew he was coming. Why didn’t you warn me?”
“Because you would’ve avoided him, and I thought it was about time that you talked to him. Seems like you survived it.”
He leaned forward and kissed me softly. Finally! No fight so far, just a weird discussion, and unfortunately we weren’t done. There was something I had to tell him, even though I would prefer not to, but I knew that would end up even worse. But… there was no reason to keep talking as long as he was busy with kissing me and getting himself undressed.
I took his head between my hands to keep his lips on mine, to feel his soft lips, and to taste him.
“I missed you,” Justin mumbled into my mouth while unbuttoning his shirt.
“Prove it.”
He laughed and leaned his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry about this week… that I didn’t call.”
“It’s okay, I know why you didn’t.”
“Good. So then… fuck me.”
“Your wish is my command.”
It was different this time, it felt as if he was trying to hold onto me, as if he was afraid I would disappear or he would … or we both would. Thos fucking idiots caused a lot more damage in his mind than I expected. I knew he was angry, that was fine by me, but he also became really insecure again. It almost reminded me of the time when he moved in with me after the bashing.
I had no idea what to do or to say to calm him down. There was nothing left to say. There was no explanation why these things kept happening to him, and there was barely anything I could do to protect him 24/7.
We fucked twice before he decided it was time for a late-night snack, and he ordered some room service.
“I do really like being in this room,” he said, in between bites of the chocolate cake they brought him.
I just nodded. I could easily imagine why he liked it… it was safe. People took care of him as long as he was here.
I took a folder out of my bag and gave it to him. “Look at this.”
He did. “What’s that?”
“It’s a folder.”
“Yeah, I can see that, but… what am I suppose to do with it now?”
I crawled back into the bed. “It’s from a guy who installs fences and walls around buildings, you know, to wire them… so to say. I met him this week, for the house.”
Now he understood and just looked at me. I couldn’t figure out what that look meant, so I continued, “I want you to feel safe there. Right now, you don’t do anymore so we have to change that.”
“You… don’t think it would be over-the-top? …just because some idiots threw stones through the window?”
“Considering what you have already been through with idiots like that, no… I don’t think so. By the way, almost every house there is wired. It’s not that we would be special if we do it.”
He nodded. “This will cost a fortune.”
The money, of course. I sighed and shrugged. “Actually it’s pretty affordable. With a wall and an alarm system the insurance goes down.”
“It still costs a fortune.” He looked at the folder and he still had the same expression on his face. I had no idea if he liked the idea or not, if he wanted a fence or a wall or not. Money was definitely not the problem. He was still looking down, when he said: “I love you for doing this, but I don’t want you to think that I’m freaking out because of a prank. Maybe it was just that and…”
“They came back.”
He looked back at me – shocked, almost frightened... exactly what I wanted to avoid. “What? When?”
I had no intention of telling him about all that, but I also didn’t want him to think that I thought he was overreacting if he admitted that he wanted to wire the house.
“A few days - or nights - later. They… trampled down the flowers and they defaced the side of the house.”
“Fuck them.”
“I called a security company who sent out two of their officers to patrol during the night. So far those idiots haven’t come back.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because it would have scared you.” I said, and I knew I was right. “I didn’t want to give them so much power. They’re not worth it. And that’s why I think we should install a fence and plant a tall hedge in front of it. There’ll be a gate at the end of the driveway and a camera outside and in. It’s also possible to install some lawn sprinklers on a motion sensor so when someone walks over them they start…”
“How about a moat around the house with a drawbridge and sharks in the water? I’m mean, I’m your prince, remember? This is my castle.”
His sense of humor had returned, and… I had to laugh about that. He leaned over and kissed me. I could taste the chocolate cake, and fuck, it tasted good.
“Thank you,” he said.
“So far I haven’t done anything.”
“I wouldn’t call that nothing. And yes, I think it would help me to feel safe again.”
I nodded. “Then I’ll order it.”
“I want to help pay for it, too.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure.”
“I mean it.”
“Give me some cake.”
“It’s full of carbs...“
“I’ll take the risk, I need some sugar!“
TBC
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 4.018
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta:
mander3_swish - thank you so much!Look what a reader on the german board did for me (for Part 2 of "Aftermath") :)
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
01. Listen to me
02. Trust me
03. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
04. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
05. ...remember what's missing?
06. The Party
07. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
08. 1 wedding, 4 rings... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12
09. The first Webcam Sex Chat
10. The first call
11. Expectations - Happy Valentine | Revenge
12. March 18th 2006
13. Aftermath - 1 | 2 | 3
Brian's POV
I was listening to the guy who wanted to sell me a fencing to fence around the house. He seemed very excited…it was going be a very big fence since our property was really huge. Not to mention the gate I had planed, which add even more to the expense of it all. That guy had some really big plans in mind.
While he was still talking I saw a car pulling into the driveway. I excused myself from the still very enthusiastic sales guy, and then I realized who the visitor was. The second he got out of his car, he saw the red letters painted on the side of the house. He seemed really shocked about it.
“What are you doing here?” I asked him.
He looked at me and got a cane out of the car. “Wow, it’s a really big house.”
How exactly did Craig Taylor find out about the house? “May I help you?”
“I hope so. Did you talk to Justin… today?”
“No,” I answered. “I tried to reach him yesterday, but his cell phone was off. Guess the meeting went longer than expected.”
He nodded. “What happened?”
I pointed to the wall. “I’m taking care of it.”
“Is there anything I can do?”
I shook my head. “No. Thanks.”
He closed his eyes and leaned against the car. “But there’s something you can do for me.”
“And that would be?”
“Justin. He’s totally… unpredictable.” He looked at me. “I can’t talk to him. I mean, I try. I call him and I try some normal small talk, but he barely answers. When I ask him something, he doesn’t want to talk about it. Yesterday… he finally started to talk. He told me that… someone had thrown stones through the windows. He didn’t tell me about the new paint job, though.”
“He doesn’t know. He already freaked out about the stones; I didn’t want to upset him more than he already is.”
“Do you know who did it?” he asked.
“So far no.” Unfortunately, the two guys caught two nights ago by the private investigators I hired weren’t been the ones who attacked us with stones, nor were they responsible for the spray paint and egging. They turned out to be just two kids who were out and had to pee, choosing our driveway to do it in.
Craig nodded. “Anyway… when Justin told me about what happened, I asked him the same question. I asked him if maybe the neighbours feel provoked or anything and he totally freaked out.”
Wasn’t he just hilarious? Craig really had no idea who his son was, well… how could he? “And do you think asking Justin if he had done anything to elicit people throwing stones at him was a smart question? …coming from a homophobic asshole, such as yourself?”
He just took it, he didn’t say anything, and he didn’t start defending himself, nothing. I was really surprised. “It was just a question. I didn’t intend to make it sound like an accusation or anything.”
“Guess you failed.”
“I tried calling him again, but he won’t answer his phone anymore.”
So that was the reason, and not the meeting with that guy who wanted to make Rage a famous TV-Hero. Fuck! Justin was already angry and his father only made it worse…seeing as how Justin won’t even want to talk to me… “Fuck.”
“I thought maybe you could give me… his address in New York?” Craig asked.
“You want to show up there, without warning?”
“I doubt that he’ll ever show up at my place for a visit, and I do have a lot of time lately, so why not fly to New York to try and fix things with my son?”
I have to admit that I was moderately impressed. It seemed to be very important for him to talk to Justin. I knew Justin wouldn’t agree with me, but I admit that I think it would be a good idea for them to finally talk to each other in person, not just on the phone. So I gave him the address.
“Thank you.”
Justin's POV
I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to hear about anything. I just tuned my cell phone off. I knew that Brian would worry about that, but fuck… I needed a little time to calm down. I was still wearing the bandage on my foot, so the memory of the attack on the house is still fresh. I was still extremely pissed off about all of that. It was my house, my home, and they ruined it. Sure, we would get an alarm system, but that didn’t make it any better.
Brian would be here on Friday and I was happy that we’d be here in New York for the weekend. I didn’t want to go back home yet, even though I was sure Brian had already taken care of the windows and that there wouldn’t be any trace of the attack once I returned to the house.
On Thursday night I was working on my website… well, working on my site was my alibi. I wasn’t really working; I was just sitting, staring out of the window.
Noelle knocked on my door, bringing me out of solitude, “Justin?”
“What?”
“There’s someone here for you.”
Brian? Was he worried so much that he came sooner? I got up and opened the door, only to see my father standing behind her. What the fuck?!
“Hello Justin,” he said.
Noelle nodded. “I leave you two alone, I’m out tonight.”
I sighed and turned around to go back to my room. Of course he followed me. Still – what the fuck?!
“It’s a… nice place.”
He was definitely the first person who said that about this shitty apartment. I shook my head and looked at him. “What do you want?”
“I wanted to talk to you. You won’t answer my calls and… I thought it would better to try to talk to you in person, rather then sending you an email.”
So far so good… I crossed my arms and shrugged. “You can start now, I’m listening.”
“I want to apologize. I didn’t mean to offend you the other day…you took it the wrong way.”
“How exactly did I take did they feel provoked the wrong way? It’s impossible to take it the wrong way.”
“Justin…” he sighed and closed his eyes briefly, “talking with you feels like I’m trying to diffuse a time bomb. One single word, one misunderstanding, and you hang up on me! Then you don’t answer your phone anymore, which then gives me no chance to clear things up!”
Our conversation started to get louder.
“What exactly do you expect me to do when I tell you that someone threw stones at me and vandalized my house? Your first response is that Brian and I are to blame because we might have provoked them!”
“I never said that you are to blame! I was just asking if anything happened that someone might feel provoked and do something like that! What kind of response did you expect?”
I raised my eyebrows. “Huh, let me think, something like: You got hurt? Is everything okay? Do you know who did this? That would’ve been a nice, normal reaction, but that would require that you actually care about me.”
“I do care about you.”
He was still able to intimidate me with his angry look. When I was younger, I liked to play jokes on people. Once I painted the neighbor’s dog with yellow paint. Even though the neighbors saw me do it, I ran away and told everyone that I didn’t do it. Dad was really pissed back then. He had that look on his face and I broke down and told him the truth. Today was different. Everything was different.
“You still hate me for who I am!”
“I don’t hate you! I just don’t understand you!”
I was hurt. Every time I saw him, every time I talked to him, it all came back. The moment when he told me that I couldn’t come home; the moment when he told me that I had to follow those ridiculous rules if I wanted to be a part of the family; the moment when he told me that he wouldn’t pay for college if it wasn’t Dartmouth; the moment when he told me that people like me would ruin the holiness of marriage; and the moment when he had me arrested. I have no idea which moment hurt the most.
“Listen,” he said and walked closer to me. “I try. I really do. I want to know you and who you are and… I didn’t say anything about your life, your … relationship or your professional career. But I cannot promise you that I will always say the perfect thing or have the right answer.”
I nodded. “And how do you want me to respond in moments like that?”
“Tell me that you need to hear something else.”
I sighed and shook my head. “Why are you doing this, Dad? Really, I want to know. You threw me out, you cut me out of your life… fuck, you even blackmailed me, you gave me weird rules and ultimatums. You attacked Brian. You supported people who bombed a gay club, you…”
“I had nothing to do with that bomb,” he interrupted me. “I swear you. I had no idea about tha…”
“That doesn’t matter!” I interrupted. “You’re supposed to be on my side, always! Even if you don’t understand what I’m doing and even if you don’t like it, even if you wish I would be a straight businessman. The second you start to support a group that is willing to take away my rights of being an accepted part of the society, you humiliate me! God, you even told me that people like me were soiling the sanctity of marriage and family. You of all people… you sucked as a father! What the fuck do you know about family?!”
Obviously I pushed a button. He got really angry.
“And what the fuck do you know about having a gay son and being commiserated for it all the time by business partners, old friends, and customers?!” he yelled back at me. “What the fuck do you know how it feels when you realize that everything you had built, every plan you had, every dream you had… is worthless?!”
“Do you know how it feels to know that your own father isn’t willing or able to love you, just because you don’t fit into his pathetic, idiotic picture of the perfect son?”
“Pathetic?!”
“Yes!”
We were really loud. I was sure the neighbors could hear us easily.
“You think wanting my son taking over what I have built is pathetic? Wanting my son to become a successful businessman is pathetic? Wanting to have a normal life… is pathetic? And don’t tell me it could’ve been normal, Justin! A 30 year old guy taking home a teenager is not normal!”
I shook my head. “Don’t make this about Brian! Brian is not the problem, he never was! When I asked you for help, paying for my school, I wasn’t with Brian anymore… and I told you that. It didn’t change anything!”
He sat down on my bed and looked down. Suddenly it was very silent, it was almost terrifying. “What do you want me to do? Tell me.” He looked up to me. “I can’t turn back the clock - I can’t undo what has happened.”
“What do you expect me to do?”
“Give me a chance. I know that you’re scared, but so am I. I know that we still don’t fit. Maybe I will never understand you, just as you’ll never understand me, but I’m trying. I need you to meet me halfway.”
“I don’t trust you anymore.”
“We can work on that.”
“I’m not sure if I… fuck!” I really couldn’t deal with it. It was too much. I was waiting for this to happen for so long, but now that my father was willing to accept me, even asking for forgiveness, I couldn’t handle it. “Dad…”
“I saw your house,” he said.
I knew he tried to support me, to prove to me that he really meant it and he was probably afraid I would reject him. “How do you know…?”
“You told me… and your sister told me the rest. Don’t kill her.”
I rolled my eyes. “I’ll consider it.”
“It’s a really… impressive house.”
“Yes,” I nodded. “It is a beautiful house.”
He stood up and shrugged. “Why don’t you tell me about it while we have dinner?”
I just looked at him.
“Come on Justin, it’s just a dinner.”
It was just a dinner… what could happen? I nodded and took my jacket. “Okay, let’s go.”
Brian's POV
Since I knew that Craig would show up in New York, I decided to not call Justin. If a phone call with his father made him angry enough to avoid me, what would a face-to-face talk do to him? I assumed that Craig might have told him that he got his address from me, so I would wait to see if he wanted to tell me about or not.
I flew to New York on Friday evening and went straight to the hotel room. I knew there was the possibility that he was angry at me, too… I wasn’t even sure if or when he’d show up, so I just watched TV and waited.
It was almost midnight when he finally showed up. He leaned against the door frame and looked at me.
“Hey,” he said.
I nodded. “Hey.”
“You didn’t call.”
“Neither did you.” I turned the TV off. “I thought you might need some time to think. If you wanted to talk to me, you would’ve called me.”
He sighed. “It was a weird week.”
“I know.” It was a very weird week, but I had other reasons for thinking so. “How are you?”
“I don’t know,” he shrugged and walked over to me.
I was sitting on the bed, looking at him, and waiting to see what might happen. I thought about every possible scenario over the course of the last day. He could be thankful; he could be pissed; there could be a fight; maybe he wanted to fuck and not talk – I admit, that was more a wish than a possibility. The second Justin stops talking I start to worry.
“Michael told me about the comic offer.”
He sort of smiled, not really, but almost. “Let me guess, you’re answer was, you’re so pathetic.”
“I was wondering why you didn’t tell me about it.”
“It was a weird week.” He crawled onto the bed, fully clothed, and kneeled in front of me. “Do you think I’m a good person?”
People say that after a while a relationship gets boring. Actually, I was one of those people who always said that. God, I was so fucking wrong. What the fuck was this about now? A good person? “What did you do?”
“Nothing, I was just thinking about it.”
“Because…”
He shrugged. “Just thinking about why some things happen to me over and over and over again. Maybe it’s Karma?”
“It’s not Karma, it’s homophobia. If it only happened to bad people, every gay person on this planet would be considered a bad person.”
“But it doesn’t happen to every gay person.”
“What about the bombing? Do you think every person there was a bad one? Or the ones that died were they bad people?”
“No! I think that maybe it just happened because of bad Karma and all the others were… just there.”
What the fuck happened to him the last few days? Was this about his father? I didn’t expect Craig to fuck it up again. Why would he fly to New York, just to fuck up again? I shook my head and frowned. “Are you really telling me that you think you and your Karma are responsible for the bombing and the bashing and the stones?”
He closed his eyes and let his head fall back. “No…or yes, maybe. I don’t know.”
“That’s bullshit.”
“Why?” He looked back at me. He was still kneeling beside me. “Why is it bullshit? It all keeps coming back to me.”
“What if it’s about me?” Really, I didn’t believe that, but if I followed his logic – which I would still call bullshit – me being the target would make way more sense than his theory.
“What?”
“Well, it started when you met me, right? You got bashed because I showed up at your prom.”
He shook his head. “It wasn’t your fau…”
“You got bombed in my club,” I interrupted him, “and I was the one who bought the house were someone threw stones at you. So what if it is my Karma? What if I am the bad person? You surely find tons of people who would agree with that theory and definitely a lot more than you could ever make agree with your theory!”
“What about my father? He attacked you twice, he could’ve killed you! It only happened because you met me and not vice versa. And Ethan…he cheated on me… I cheated on you before that. What goes around, comes around: Karma.”
“O god…” I leaned my head back against the wall and closed my eyes. This was a really weird game and I guess it would’ve never ended because it’s easy to come up with what goes around, comes around.
“You think I’m stupid.”
“No, I do not think that you’re stupid,” I sighed. “I think you think too much. Sometimes there’s no plausible reason why some things happen. And your Karma can not be responsible for the actions of homophobic assholes or cheaters or liars. If that would work, it would be the perfect excuse for every attack and every mistake! And there’s no excuse for killing or bashing someone just because he’s gay or fat or black or… whatever!”
“Okay, then why does this always happen to me… to us? Why does it never stop?”
I looked back at him. “I guess they don’t understand us and that scares them and so they hate us. That’s the normal way. You generally don’t like things you don’t understand.”
He nodded. “That’s what my father said, too.”
“Wow, he’s not a total douche after all, is he?”
“You knew he was coming. Why didn’t you warn me?”
“Because you would’ve avoided him, and I thought it was about time that you talked to him. Seems like you survived it.”
He leaned forward and kissed me softly. Finally! No fight so far, just a weird discussion, and unfortunately we weren’t done. There was something I had to tell him, even though I would prefer not to, but I knew that would end up even worse. But… there was no reason to keep talking as long as he was busy with kissing me and getting himself undressed.
I took his head between my hands to keep his lips on mine, to feel his soft lips, and to taste him.
“I missed you,” Justin mumbled into my mouth while unbuttoning his shirt.
“Prove it.”
He laughed and leaned his forehead against mine. “I’m sorry about this week… that I didn’t call.”
“It’s okay, I know why you didn’t.”
“Good. So then… fuck me.”
“Your wish is my command.”
It was different this time, it felt as if he was trying to hold onto me, as if he was afraid I would disappear or he would … or we both would. Thos fucking idiots caused a lot more damage in his mind than I expected. I knew he was angry, that was fine by me, but he also became really insecure again. It almost reminded me of the time when he moved in with me after the bashing.
I had no idea what to do or to say to calm him down. There was nothing left to say. There was no explanation why these things kept happening to him, and there was barely anything I could do to protect him 24/7.
We fucked twice before he decided it was time for a late-night snack, and he ordered some room service.
“I do really like being in this room,” he said, in between bites of the chocolate cake they brought him.
I just nodded. I could easily imagine why he liked it… it was safe. People took care of him as long as he was here.
I took a folder out of my bag and gave it to him. “Look at this.”
He did. “What’s that?”
“It’s a folder.”
“Yeah, I can see that, but… what am I suppose to do with it now?”
I crawled back into the bed. “It’s from a guy who installs fences and walls around buildings, you know, to wire them… so to say. I met him this week, for the house.”
Now he understood and just looked at me. I couldn’t figure out what that look meant, so I continued, “I want you to feel safe there. Right now, you don’t do anymore so we have to change that.”
“You… don’t think it would be over-the-top? …just because some idiots threw stones through the window?”
“Considering what you have already been through with idiots like that, no… I don’t think so. By the way, almost every house there is wired. It’s not that we would be special if we do it.”
He nodded. “This will cost a fortune.”
The money, of course. I sighed and shrugged. “Actually it’s pretty affordable. With a wall and an alarm system the insurance goes down.”
“It still costs a fortune.” He looked at the folder and he still had the same expression on his face. I had no idea if he liked the idea or not, if he wanted a fence or a wall or not. Money was definitely not the problem. He was still looking down, when he said: “I love you for doing this, but I don’t want you to think that I’m freaking out because of a prank. Maybe it was just that and…”
“They came back.”
He looked back at me – shocked, almost frightened... exactly what I wanted to avoid. “What? When?”
I had no intention of telling him about all that, but I also didn’t want him to think that I thought he was overreacting if he admitted that he wanted to wire the house.
“A few days - or nights - later. They… trampled down the flowers and they defaced the side of the house.”
“Fuck them.”
“I called a security company who sent out two of their officers to patrol during the night. So far those idiots haven’t come back.”
“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
“Because it would have scared you.” I said, and I knew I was right. “I didn’t want to give them so much power. They’re not worth it. And that’s why I think we should install a fence and plant a tall hedge in front of it. There’ll be a gate at the end of the driveway and a camera outside and in. It’s also possible to install some lawn sprinklers on a motion sensor so when someone walks over them they start…”
“How about a moat around the house with a drawbridge and sharks in the water? I’m mean, I’m your prince, remember? This is my castle.”
His sense of humor had returned, and… I had to laugh about that. He leaned over and kissed me. I could taste the chocolate cake, and fuck, it tasted good.
“Thank you,” he said.
“So far I haven’t done anything.”
“I wouldn’t call that nothing. And yes, I think it would help me to feel safe again.”
I nodded. “Then I’ll order it.”
“I want to help pay for it, too.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sure.”
“I mean it.”
“Give me some cake.”
“It’s full of carbs...“
“I’ll take the risk, I need some sugar!“
TBC
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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on 2011-04-05 07:36 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-04-05 07:47 pm (UTC)Thanks for your help hon *hugs*
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on 2011-04-05 08:10 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-04-06 11:18 am (UTC)*hugs you back*
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on 2011-04-05 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-04-06 11:20 am (UTC)Craig isn't done yet with trying and understanding... neither is Justin. I think the writers did so much damage here that it'll take a little time to fix that.
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on 2011-04-05 09:32 pm (UTC)Love the hotel scene. And I love how Brian projects Justin
Great update
GM
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on 2011-04-06 11:22 am (UTC)Thanks for reading and for your comment :)
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on 2011-04-05 10:03 pm (UTC)Loved Brian honesty, he gave Justin space to digest the homophobic attack and made plans to make the house safe again. But more than that he told Justin about the second attack he trusted Justin to trust in the relationship. I laughed at the comment about the moat and sharks :)
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on 2011-04-06 11:25 am (UTC)Glad you liked the "moat and sharks" *LOL*
Someone at the german board brought it up and I thought it's really funny *LOL*
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on 2011-04-05 10:09 pm (UTC)Dee Dee
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on 2011-04-06 11:26 am (UTC)Yeah, my muse was a little tired and my beta was busy and with both together I needed really long for that update *LOL*
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on 2011-04-05 10:31 pm (UTC)But I have a new one: I didn't like Brian! Ok, only for one moment, mean, when he gave Craig Justin's adress. No no...
I loved the hotel scene, the patiently waiting Brian, Justin still a little weird feeling from all what happened, their humor, their new found easiness with each other and their trust in their relationship...
Whow, and it really was a long chap. Thank you for that! Hugs to you, Pet
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on 2011-04-06 11:29 am (UTC)I'll copy this for you, too, even though I think we already talked this over via mail, didn't we? *not sure here*
I always thought it would be a little too unrealistic if Craig would just show up and says "Okay, now I'm totally fine with who you are, it doesn't matter me". That's how it should've been from the beginning, but it wasn't. And IMO it's weird when something like that happens in stories/shows/movies, you know? So... my Craig will (probably) never win the "father of the year"-award, but he tries. He's still far away from being a good father... we're just at the beginning here :)
About Brian... hmmm... you don't hate him, you only hate Craig and you're not willing to accept that he tries to get back in touch with his son :) *nodding like an idiot*
Let's say... Brian would never do anything to hurt Justin and he thought it was a good idea that father and son finally talk to each other. And... it didn't turn out to be a bad decission (at least so far not).
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on 2011-04-06 12:08 am (UTC)How true!
Loved the need for "sugar" to close the chapter.
Susan
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on 2011-04-06 11:29 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-04-06 11:00 am (UTC)no subject
on 2011-04-06 11:30 am (UTC)I guess their relationship really developed a lot with the last story parts.
Glad you like it.
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on 2011-04-06 01:32 pm (UTC)LOL & a hug!
;D
I was waiting this update soooo much!
Craig ... he just don't get it, does he? I am totally with Justin and his confusion about his dad ...
And I really like the conversation between B&J with no angst and no scream and everything else ... they are really an item.
And Brian who wants his Justin safe 24h day ... so sweet and so Brian-ish!
Gooooood update!!!
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on 2011-04-06 05:47 pm (UTC)Happy to read that you like it.
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on 2011-04-06 01:33 pm (UTC)You gotta give Craig 10 points for trying, but hey lots has gone down, it may take awhile.
Ive missed your story, glad it's back,,they are perfect together,,hugs ya Jx
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on 2011-04-06 05:51 pm (UTC)My muse is a little tired lately.
Thanks for reading honey :)
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on 2011-04-06 03:39 pm (UTC)* hugs *
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on 2011-04-06 05:48 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-04-06 03:53 pm (UTC)thank you so much for another beautiful update,hon.
*hugs you tight*
V.
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on 2011-04-06 05:48 pm (UTC)*hugs you back*
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on 2011-04-06 05:42 pm (UTC)Wonderful update, sweetie.
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on 2011-04-06 05:50 pm (UTC)Thank you.
Happy to read that you liked it.
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on 2011-04-06 07:37 pm (UTC)I have to confess you that I was afraid, I thought that Brian did pay a vigilantic group or something like that to catch the assholes, I even thought he could did some stupid thing, he was scared to can't protect Justin to this things again. Brian is the kind of person who blame himself for everything. I don't want this things apart them to each other. And I know you are Evil...sometimes.
And I thought Justin could stay in shock, remembering the bashing, the fear, all bad things. And his dad, Christ, now I know I can hate Craig more than I imagined, wrong words all the time. But with this finale line I'm relieve, they can face everything!!
Thanks!!
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on 2011-04-07 09:04 am (UTC)I'm not evil! *pouts*
And as much as Brian loves Justin and wants him save, I don't think he would go that far!
Come on, lets be a little patient with Craig :)
He's only human.
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on 2011-04-07 01:24 am (UTC)brian will do anything to keep justin safe and give him peace of mind. i'm glad he didn't fight him on the fencing. the moat doesn't sound too bad lol.
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on 2011-04-07 09:02 am (UTC)Of course without the sharks *LOL*
Thanks!
Glad you liked it.
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on 2011-04-07 09:34 am (UTC)Wonderful part my dear!
Craig.... I don't know how I feel about him anymore.
He's trying, that's right... but that question he made last time is just too terrible and hard to accept.
But I'm glad they are talking. Maybe they will never have a real father-son relationship, but they can work on it.
Weird.. yep, that conversation at the hotel was really weird... but I see why Justin thinks something like that.
When you've been hurt so many times, you start to think there's something wrong with you.
Happy that Brian gave him a good answer.
Thanks sweetie, love this update! ♥ *hugs*
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on 2011-04-08 10:29 pm (UTC)But as you said, he tries.
Thanks for reading and for your lovely comment :)
*hugs*
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on 2011-04-11 05:27 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-02 06:08 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-05-02 04:02 pm (UTC)No fight so far, just a weird discussion, and unfortunately we weren’t done. There was something I had to tell him, even though I would prefer not to, but I knew that would end up even worse. But… there was no reason to keep talking as long as he was busy with kissing me and getting himself undressed.
WHAT pray tell, does Justin STILL need to tell him, even though I would prefer not to, but I knew that would end up even worse.
I am sick about that sentence. What could be worse than the homophobia that they have already put up with????
I still think this is a GREAT story, and it was an excellent update... XOXO ... Cat
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on 2011-05-02 06:15 pm (UTC)It's totally harmless and it's already out by the end of this chapter.