Thanksgiving, Part 4 (You & Me Series)
Dec. 2nd, 2010 08:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soulmatejunkeeTitle: Thanksgiving, Part 4/? (You & Me-Series)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 1.211
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta byqafkinnetic - thanks a lot!
I just haven't figured out yet, how many parts this story will have. Depends on how it works out. As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
5. ...remember what's missing?
6. The Party
7. Thanksgiving Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Justin's POV
I arrived in Pittsburgh at 10:50 AM and went straight to the cabs. It was a half hour drive until we reached the oncology center and by coincidence I saw the Corvette on the parking lot.
I went in and sat down on the chairs in the waiting area. I still knew that place, it wasn’t that long ago that I sat here, waiting. After ten minutes I walked down the floor and ended up in front of the notice board where they hung out some information about cancer, about methods of treatments and ways to prevent cancer. Right beside it there was a memory board. Every in-patient was listed with a photo which said when he stayed and when he was discharged or... when he died.
I’ve never seen that board before. I’ve never spent any interest in it. Normally I was just sitting there and reading some newspaper or magazines while waiting. But back then I knew what was going on, right now I didn’t know anything.
Was the cancer back? What kind of cancer? What kind of treatment? Would he be happy to see me, maybe even relieved? Or would he throw me out again, because he thinks I wouldn’t love him anymore?
Most of the people on that pictured were young, too young to die. There were some about my age and also some Brian’s age. Some got healed, some didn’t. I swallowed, thinking about the possibility that another picture might come up soon. Fuck!
I turned around when I heard footsteps, for some reason I knew it was Brian. You can recognize small things like that when you've lived with someone for a while. The way he walks, the way he breathes, the way he looks at you, when you turn around and he realizes it’s really you.
He looked scared, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the appointment or because of seeing me.
"Guess I have to fire Ted, hm?" he said, obviously nervous.
I put my arms around him and leaned my head against his chest. "He deserves a raise in salary and a promotion."
He held me and leaned his chin on my head. "Veep?“
"Yeah, that’s fine." I looked up. "So?"
"Not here, okay?“
"Sure.“
Brian’s POV
I had no idea what to think or to feel when I saw him at the hospital. How could he come over here so fast? How long would he stay? Was he pissed at me for not telling him? He didn’t say anything when we drove home... to the loft. But the second he closed the door behind himself he found his voice back.
"So?“
"So... I found a lump on my right breast two days ago and called the doctor and got an appointment today. I have to show up on Saturday morning for a biopsy.“
He nodded. "Can I see it?“
"It’s not visible.“ At least not now, after the biopsy there would be a scar. A small one, yes, but a scar.
"Well, then let me feel it.“
He’s really fucking good with taking care of you without making you feel like a weak and sick and imperfect person. He took of my jacket and my shirt and just touched my chest. And when he found the lump he just put some soft kisses on it.
"It’s not big.“
I shook my head. "No.“
"What did the doctor say?“ he asked.
"Not much. Only that breast cancer is still not usual for men, but that he had to do the biopsy to make sure and that I should be sober on Saturday morning and..." I looked at him. "...that I should bring someone with me because I shouldn’t drive after I get anesthetized.“
He nodded. "Good thing I’m here.“
I cleared my throat. He stood right in front of me, but somehow it felt strange, as if he wasn’t really here with me. "For how long?"
"After the Thanksgiving weekend."
"You’ll stay for four weeks?" Four weeks, one month, 30 days... longer than all the time we saw each other since he moved to New York. "What about your job?"
He closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath, shook his head and put his arms around my waist, while leaning his head against my bare chest. "It’s not important.“
I put a hand on his neck. His hair had gotten really long, it felt soft and slowly but steadily the familiar feeling came back. "What about your project."
He kissed my chest. "Works for itself."
"So it’s done?" He still hadn’t tell me anything other about it than that he would tell me everything the second it’s done.
"No. It’s not done yet, but... works for itself."
So I wouldn’t get any more information. I let it be.
I had planned to go back to the office after the appointment, but somehow I knew, Ted wasn’t expecting me to come back and staying home was a really alluring offer.
Justin’s POV
It felt so good to be home again. I had totally mixed feelings about the upcoming weeks. My first thought was that it would be so great to spend four weeks in Pittsburgh, in the loft, with Brian. Falling asleep beside him, waking up beside him, not having stupid fucking phone sex but actually feeling him inside me while coming, kissing him, tasting him and even smelling him.
My second thought was, that none of that might happen if the cancer was really back. Then those four weeks – and even more – would be as hard as the last time, if not harder. The thought of him having breast cancer scared the shit out of me. It was different than the testicular cancer, I never knew anyone who died out of that. But since he told me about the lump in his breast I couldn’t stop thinking about my grandmother. Not even the 'not usual for men'-statement didn't change anything.
We moved to the bed and he was really tender. Somehow it turned into a him comforting me session, but even though I thought that it should be vice versa, I just enjoyed getting a fantastic rimjob and an even better blow job, following by tender kisses all over my stomach and my chest and my neck, until he just laid on me, he face buried in my neck and his still hard cock between my legs. But he didn’t move, he just laid there, so I just held him.
While being in New York I missed being here, but I never realized how much I missed it until this moment. It had been almost seven months so far and I still had nothing to show, but instead we tried to make that long distance thing work somehow. For what?
"Brian?"
"Hm?"
There was so much I wanted to say or maybe there was nothing left to say. Nothing that wasn’t already said. "I love you."
Brian’s POV
My face was buried in his neck, I could smell him, I could still taste him in my mouth and all I wanted in that moment was to lay there. He held me, stroked my shoulder and told me that he loved me. And I wondered why it sounded like a goodbye when he said it?
TBC
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 1.211
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta by
qafkinnetic - thanks a lot!I just haven't figured out yet, how many parts this story will have. Depends on how it works out. As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
5. ...remember what's missing?
6. The Party
7. Thanksgiving Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Justin's POV
I arrived in Pittsburgh at 10:50 AM and went straight to the cabs. It was a half hour drive until we reached the oncology center and by coincidence I saw the Corvette on the parking lot.
I went in and sat down on the chairs in the waiting area. I still knew that place, it wasn’t that long ago that I sat here, waiting. After ten minutes I walked down the floor and ended up in front of the notice board where they hung out some information about cancer, about methods of treatments and ways to prevent cancer. Right beside it there was a memory board. Every in-patient was listed with a photo which said when he stayed and when he was discharged or... when he died.
I’ve never seen that board before. I’ve never spent any interest in it. Normally I was just sitting there and reading some newspaper or magazines while waiting. But back then I knew what was going on, right now I didn’t know anything.
Was the cancer back? What kind of cancer? What kind of treatment? Would he be happy to see me, maybe even relieved? Or would he throw me out again, because he thinks I wouldn’t love him anymore?
Most of the people on that pictured were young, too young to die. There were some about my age and also some Brian’s age. Some got healed, some didn’t. I swallowed, thinking about the possibility that another picture might come up soon. Fuck!
I turned around when I heard footsteps, for some reason I knew it was Brian. You can recognize small things like that when you've lived with someone for a while. The way he walks, the way he breathes, the way he looks at you, when you turn around and he realizes it’s really you.
He looked scared, but I wasn’t sure if it was because of the appointment or because of seeing me.
"Guess I have to fire Ted, hm?" he said, obviously nervous.
I put my arms around him and leaned my head against his chest. "He deserves a raise in salary and a promotion."
He held me and leaned his chin on my head. "Veep?“
"Yeah, that’s fine." I looked up. "So?"
"Not here, okay?“
"Sure.“
Brian’s POV
I had no idea what to think or to feel when I saw him at the hospital. How could he come over here so fast? How long would he stay? Was he pissed at me for not telling him? He didn’t say anything when we drove home... to the loft. But the second he closed the door behind himself he found his voice back.
"So?“
"So... I found a lump on my right breast two days ago and called the doctor and got an appointment today. I have to show up on Saturday morning for a biopsy.“
He nodded. "Can I see it?“
"It’s not visible.“ At least not now, after the biopsy there would be a scar. A small one, yes, but a scar.
"Well, then let me feel it.“
He’s really fucking good with taking care of you without making you feel like a weak and sick and imperfect person. He took of my jacket and my shirt and just touched my chest. And when he found the lump he just put some soft kisses on it.
"It’s not big.“
I shook my head. "No.“
"What did the doctor say?“ he asked.
"Not much. Only that breast cancer is still not usual for men, but that he had to do the biopsy to make sure and that I should be sober on Saturday morning and..." I looked at him. "...that I should bring someone with me because I shouldn’t drive after I get anesthetized.“
He nodded. "Good thing I’m here.“
I cleared my throat. He stood right in front of me, but somehow it felt strange, as if he wasn’t really here with me. "For how long?"
"After the Thanksgiving weekend."
"You’ll stay for four weeks?" Four weeks, one month, 30 days... longer than all the time we saw each other since he moved to New York. "What about your job?"
He closed his eyes briefly, took a deep breath, shook his head and put his arms around my waist, while leaning his head against my bare chest. "It’s not important.“
I put a hand on his neck. His hair had gotten really long, it felt soft and slowly but steadily the familiar feeling came back. "What about your project."
He kissed my chest. "Works for itself."
"So it’s done?" He still hadn’t tell me anything other about it than that he would tell me everything the second it’s done.
"No. It’s not done yet, but... works for itself."
So I wouldn’t get any more information. I let it be.
I had planned to go back to the office after the appointment, but somehow I knew, Ted wasn’t expecting me to come back and staying home was a really alluring offer.
Justin’s POV
It felt so good to be home again. I had totally mixed feelings about the upcoming weeks. My first thought was that it would be so great to spend four weeks in Pittsburgh, in the loft, with Brian. Falling asleep beside him, waking up beside him, not having stupid fucking phone sex but actually feeling him inside me while coming, kissing him, tasting him and even smelling him.
My second thought was, that none of that might happen if the cancer was really back. Then those four weeks – and even more – would be as hard as the last time, if not harder. The thought of him having breast cancer scared the shit out of me. It was different than the testicular cancer, I never knew anyone who died out of that. But since he told me about the lump in his breast I couldn’t stop thinking about my grandmother. Not even the 'not usual for men'-statement didn't change anything.
We moved to the bed and he was really tender. Somehow it turned into a him comforting me session, but even though I thought that it should be vice versa, I just enjoyed getting a fantastic rimjob and an even better blow job, following by tender kisses all over my stomach and my chest and my neck, until he just laid on me, he face buried in my neck and his still hard cock between my legs. But he didn’t move, he just laid there, so I just held him.
While being in New York I missed being here, but I never realized how much I missed it until this moment. It had been almost seven months so far and I still had nothing to show, but instead we tried to make that long distance thing work somehow. For what?
"Brian?"
"Hm?"
There was so much I wanted to say or maybe there was nothing left to say. Nothing that wasn’t already said. "I love you."
Brian’s POV
My face was buried in his neck, I could smell him, I could still taste him in my mouth and all I wanted in that moment was to lay there. He held me, stroked my shoulder and told me that he loved me. And I wondered why it sounded like a goodbye when he said it?
TBC
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2010-12-02 08:18 am (UTC)Loved it!
no subject
on 2010-12-02 09:29 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 08:22 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 09:31 am (UTC)Anyway, thanks for reading, glad you liked it.
no subject
on 2010-12-02 08:53 am (UTC)What a wonderful chapter! Until that last misguided sentence from poor confused Brian ... someone should tell him how wrong he is! :-D
Hugs, Cindy
no subject
on 2010-12-02 09:32 am (UTC)And... hopefully someone will tell him :)
no subject
on 2010-12-02 09:03 am (UTC)But I missed some chapters ... why!? don't know .. I'm gonna friend you, don't wanna miss the next ones.
* hugs *
no subject
on 2010-12-02 09:35 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 09:57 am (UTC)Thanks for the update.
Have a wonderful day ;-)
Hugs Linda
no subject
on 2010-12-02 10:32 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 10:16 am (UTC)Great chapter right up until Brians POV, why would he think that? why doesn't he think he's worth loving? that Justin does actually love him.
I guess we'll have to wait & find out, this killed to read, I hope he'll be OK, but he has other things than "cancer" to worry about.
Later babe,,I need some big hugs,,love Jx
no subject
on 2010-12-02 10:37 am (UTC)Actually it's getting a little angsty. *lol*
But it's a part of the journey. It wouldn't be B/J without the angst.
(no subject)
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on 2010-12-02 10:50 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 11:05 am (UTC)(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
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Posted byno subject
on 2010-12-02 11:19 am (UTC)Wonderful part sweetie.
I've laughed when Brian talked about Ted and the possibility to fire him ;)
I've loved to see how Justin was able to handle the situation at the clinic, and at the loft too.
I can only image how scared he is in this moment.
And Brian? Oh God... why does he think something like that?
Justin came back at home for him, he was fired, he doesn't give a shit right now about work or anything else... and what does he 'feel'? That it's a goodbye???
Can't wait for next update!
Thank you so much for this chapter ♥
*hugs*
no subject
on 2010-12-02 11:31 am (UTC)I'm happy you liked it.
no subject
on 2010-12-02 11:53 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 12:40 pm (UTC)Was Brian ever right with thoughts like that?! ;)
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on 2010-12-02 01:54 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 02:08 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 02:03 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 02:08 pm (UTC)I love your comments, always so rational...
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on 2010-12-02 02:25 pm (UTC)can't wait for more, I hope for the best *sigh*
a bit OT,but...has anybody notice that the font on LJ has changed?
no subject
on 2010-12-02 02:27 pm (UTC)I hope for the best
Expect the worst.
(no subject)
Posted by(no subject)
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Posted byno subject
on 2010-12-02 06:15 pm (UTC)Please, talk to Brian... he needs some reassurance.
no subject
on 2010-12-02 07:21 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-02 07:44 pm (UTC)Maybe he's scared about biopsy, who wouldn't. I think he's also insecure because he don't know a thing about Justin's porject in NY. And now, he has no job, eighter. Too much new information for Brian at the same time. Who knows.
He needs Justin so much. I love his thoughts.
Great chapter, as always.
no subject
on 2010-12-02 08:38 pm (UTC)Glad you liked it :)
no subject
on 2010-12-02 11:42 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-03 07:47 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-03 12:58 pm (UTC)Great chapter.
no subject
on 2010-12-03 01:24 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-04 01:23 am (UTC)My only complaint is that this chapter is far too short!
*pouts*
no subject
on 2010-12-06 01:37 pm (UTC)Next chapter will be longer.
no subject
on 2010-12-04 05:13 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-06 01:37 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-06 02:32 pm (UTC)Ok. First the facts. The memory board at the clinic - does it give something like this in real? I pictured myself standing in front of such a board...fuck, that would be hard stuff.
To Brian: Of course I didn´t know because I couldn´t know but I KNEW that he wouldn´t try to get rid of Justin. Your Brian picks up at the moment the show finished. And anybody can say that he hasn´t changed by then. All the thoughts he told us through you showed: he is still on the way. His doubts and his struggle, I think these are coming with his character and will never leave him but that´s just he. But in the end he is trying to give him and Justin a chance, so he was glad to see him at the clinic and the behaviour in the loft, letting Justin held him, just laying on him - that´s so Brian. And who needs words in those moments? Sometimes words just don´t fit.
And Justin...I think he knows very well what is going on at Brian´s mind for the last month since him leaving Pittsburgh. He tried since then and still does it now, since seeing Brian at the clinic, to find a balance to make his two goals real: to never let Brian forget that he wants him and to find his own way for independence, for proofing himself and the others that he can do it alone. Yes, you all are right to say they have to work on their communication, and I could sometimes just cry when I read some passages but this ff is always trying to give B/J in character, and the QAF-Justin was like we see him here, at least after S1. So it fits here perfectly. And he is here for Brian, and it was very clever not to tell Brian about gotten fired - that could have been over all tolerance Brian was able to give to Justin and even more himself at this surprising moment (we know Brian isn´t just a big lover of surprises so we can see here how desperate he felt in the clinic).
Ok, and now, you didn´t expect for me to leave the last sentence uncommented, did you? In the beginning I said: I´m going to make a fool of myself and so I will. I say it anyway. I´m beginning to change into a Brian. That was a joke, but maybe after lots of ff and then those like the soulmate´s, which I really try to absorb, I mean I´m getting to know and understand him better and better. Pathetic Pet, Brian isn´t real. Ok, anyway, I read the last scene, Brian laying on Justin, Justin´s thoughts and then his ILY, and before I read Brians last POV I thought: that wasn´t the right moment to say this and only this. It I had the words I would describe it more but I hadn´t like to hear ILY in this moment and in this way. Would be to easy to say it sounds like a good bye for me, good bye for what...? Did Justin just give up? I don´t think Justin had those crazy thoughts at all by saying ILY but Pet+Brian (crazy dancing round the desk now because finally loosing my mind) aren´t working so easy and straight. Do you have any idea what I like to say here? ILY can be the best to hear but it also can better be unsaid because it sounds like a phrase, the most used one and the most betrayed one. Here we need other words, words with whom? we show that we are standing by, in front, over, behind, besides the beloved person. Better?
Puh. Don´t laugh and don´t hate me. I´m finished.
Short summary: I loved the chap! So much.
Now the wait begins for more but for this I love to wait, it´s worth it!
Later! Pet
no subject
on 2010-12-06 02:58 pm (UTC)And yes, you're right about the ILY.
Not sure if I saw this moment as such a "wrong" moment, but yeah, for Brian is probably was the wrong one.
Lets see what you think about the next chapter :)
(no subject)
Posted byno subject
on 2011-01-22 04:59 pm (UTC)Later Darling ~ Kathleen