Find a way, Part II
Nov. 3rd, 2010 08:09 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soulmatejunkeeTitle: Find a way 2/4 (You & Me-Series)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Warnings: Ethan (there's no triangle or old "love" or such thing coming up, I just needed him to push the storyline, he won't become a major part, but he seemed to be a logical possibility! Don't worry!)
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 1.228
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta byqafkinnetic - thank you sooo much for your fast and wonderful support! As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1
Justin's POV
Noelle looked at my portfolio while I told her what had happened.
"You should go find an agent. They’re suppose to work for you,“ she said.
"Not for free.“
"Normally they get payed by the proceed you do with your art.“
"Yeah,“ I sighed. "Unfortunately my references for that are... nonexistent.“
"Did you even try to find an agent?“ She looked at me, reminding me of my mother in that moment.
"Yes I did, I contacted some agencies and sent them some pieces of my work. I got twelve answers that they liked my art and that they would love to represent me.“
She smiled at me and nodded. "That’s great.“
„But I had to anticipate for their expenses. Which would then be racked up with my earnings. But if I don’t sell any art, the money is gone and it would be the same for the next show as long as I don’t sell anything. Did I mention that my references for sales are nonexistent? And did I also mention that I don’t have the money to pay them?“
She shrugged. "You have a rich boyfriend, who I’m sure would love to support you.“
"Yeah, and I have my pride. I always lived on his expenses. He paid for school, he paid for the loft, he paid for the food.“
"You’ve got some money from this Rage comic, right?“
"It’s not enough. I could pay the agency for one or two fucking shows. But if I don’t sell anything and I doubt that someone will pay a couple of thousand dollars for my paintings so far, I’ll end up with nothing.“
"Fine.“ She resigned and gave my portfolio back to me. "So you already figured out what you can’t do. Now start to figure out what you can do. Find a way!“
"Thanks.“
"You’re welcome.“
Everything just felt wrong and pointless. How was I suppose to change anything if no one was willing to give me chance? And their fucking 'Find a way’ wasn’t helpful either. I tried to distract myself from thinking about it too much, because it made me sad and I still felt humiliated. I would’ve loved to just quit everything and leave that fucking city for good. I wanted to be back in my safe place, in Pittsburgh, in the loft, in Brian’s arms.
On the other hand I was angry that I was willing to give up so fast. I needed a plan, I needed to find a way, they were right. I just had no idea so far and hearing 'Find a plan’ from everyone just sucked.
While working at the coffee shop I tried to figure out what to do next. Maybe I should try to sell some of my art on the streets, there are tons of artist out there who do that. But how big is the chance that a gallery owner would see me and would offer me my own show?
"Justin?“
I looked up. "Oh… my god.“
How big is the probability to meat one of your ex-boyfriends in New York City? And how big is that probability when you only have one ex-boyfriend?
"What are you doing here?“ he asked. He still looked the same, dark hairs, soul patch and the cute-boy-smile.
"I’m living here since… a few months.“
"You moved from Pittsburgh to New York to work in another diner slash coffee-shop?“
"Not really, but New York is expensive and the coffee shop helps me to pay for rent,“ I answered. It was weird. I hadn’t seen him since we broke up. At least I hadn’t talk to him since then. He tried to call me a few times after I left him, but then it stopped. I saw him at PIFA a few times, but we never talked or even waved at each other. And since I left school I hadn’t seen him at all.
But for some reason it was nice to see him, to see a known face.
"Expensive is an understatement.“
"What about you?“
"I live here, too. Well, in Queens. I moved here two years ago.“
"And you can afford it?“
He laughed. "I don’t have to take care of it alone, actually.“
"Well, I do – or I want to.“ I sighed. "I try. But the people here seem all so distant and arrogant. It’s like they don’t want you here. They don’t…“
"Listen to you?“
"Yeah, and they don’t…“
"Help you?“
"New York sucks!“
He laughed again and gave me five dollars. "With qualification from PIFA you should find an agent. They love qualifications for some reason.“
I took the money. It was embarrassing, at least for me. "I don’t have one. I left school after… well, I didn’t finish at PIFA.“
"Oh."
"Why did you finish it? And why did you look for an agent, you already had one.“
He sighed and shook his head. "Long story, bad ending. Let’s just say, I learned my lesson. I’m sorry I accepted that contract back then by the way. Wasn’t fair. Actually it was very selfish.“
I gave him the change and frowned. "Wow, so bad?“
"Worse.“
"Sorry to hear that.“ I really was. Yeah, the contract sucked and yeah it wasn’t funny to be called his cousin back than, but it was a great offer with concerts and CD’s and it was what he wanted and he was fucking good with the violin.
"Nah, it’s okay, it’s done. I found a way.“
"Can you give me a lesson?“
He took the money and his coffee and shrugged. "Just find a way.“
I swear to god, the next person who tells me that I had to find a way won’t survive it.
New York sucks!
Distracting myself worked just as long as I had something to do. When I went home to my room, I felt lonely again. I started to hate New York, because New York obviously hated me. It was just 9 PM but I was already in bed, I was tired, I was depressed and I talked to Brian about it. I told him about Nadya.
He laughed when I told him that she laughed at me. Did I miss the joke in it? "I told you she won’t help you.“
Helpful, isn’t he? "So? Does it make you feel better that you were right?“
"Stop being bitchy.“
"I’m not bitchy.“ I was bitchy. I was pissed, depressed, angry, disappointed and sad. I was humiliated. I knew I was good, my paintings were good, but no one in that fucking city cared about it.
"If you need help why don’t you just ask?“
"I won’t take you money. Never! Stop doing that, I’m not a child anymore!“
"You sure? Because right now you’re very childish!“
He made me even more angry than I already was. "Just because I won’t live on your money anymore doesn’t make me childish!“
"Take it as a loan, you can pay me back!“ he offered.
"I already owe you 10,000 dollars for school, it’s enough!“ Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why couldn’t he understand? "Stop being so patronizing!“
That worked, now he was pissed at me, too. "Then don’t take it!“
"I won’t!“ Like I said, it was me who brought up the first fight.
"Fine.“
"Fine!“ I hung up and slammed my phone beside me. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!
TBC
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Warnings: Ethan (there's no triangle or old "love" or such thing coming up, I just needed him to push the storyline, he won't become a major part, but he seemed to be a logical possibility! Don't worry!)
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 1.228
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta by
qafkinnetic - thank you sooo much for your fast and wonderful support! As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks! 1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1
Justin's POV
Noelle looked at my portfolio while I told her what had happened.
"You should go find an agent. They’re suppose to work for you,“ she said.
"Not for free.“
"Normally they get payed by the proceed you do with your art.“
"Yeah,“ I sighed. "Unfortunately my references for that are... nonexistent.“
"Did you even try to find an agent?“ She looked at me, reminding me of my mother in that moment.
"Yes I did, I contacted some agencies and sent them some pieces of my work. I got twelve answers that they liked my art and that they would love to represent me.“
She smiled at me and nodded. "That’s great.“
„But I had to anticipate for their expenses. Which would then be racked up with my earnings. But if I don’t sell any art, the money is gone and it would be the same for the next show as long as I don’t sell anything. Did I mention that my references for sales are nonexistent? And did I also mention that I don’t have the money to pay them?“
She shrugged. "You have a rich boyfriend, who I’m sure would love to support you.“
"Yeah, and I have my pride. I always lived on his expenses. He paid for school, he paid for the loft, he paid for the food.“
"You’ve got some money from this Rage comic, right?“
"It’s not enough. I could pay the agency for one or two fucking shows. But if I don’t sell anything and I doubt that someone will pay a couple of thousand dollars for my paintings so far, I’ll end up with nothing.“
"Fine.“ She resigned and gave my portfolio back to me. "So you already figured out what you can’t do. Now start to figure out what you can do. Find a way!“
"Thanks.“
"You’re welcome.“
Everything just felt wrong and pointless. How was I suppose to change anything if no one was willing to give me chance? And their fucking 'Find a way’ wasn’t helpful either. I tried to distract myself from thinking about it too much, because it made me sad and I still felt humiliated. I would’ve loved to just quit everything and leave that fucking city for good. I wanted to be back in my safe place, in Pittsburgh, in the loft, in Brian’s arms.
On the other hand I was angry that I was willing to give up so fast. I needed a plan, I needed to find a way, they were right. I just had no idea so far and hearing 'Find a plan’ from everyone just sucked.
While working at the coffee shop I tried to figure out what to do next. Maybe I should try to sell some of my art on the streets, there are tons of artist out there who do that. But how big is the chance that a gallery owner would see me and would offer me my own show?
"Justin?“
I looked up. "Oh… my god.“
How big is the probability to meat one of your ex-boyfriends in New York City? And how big is that probability when you only have one ex-boyfriend?
"What are you doing here?“ he asked. He still looked the same, dark hairs, soul patch and the cute-boy-smile.
"I’m living here since… a few months.“
"You moved from Pittsburgh to New York to work in another diner slash coffee-shop?“
"Not really, but New York is expensive and the coffee shop helps me to pay for rent,“ I answered. It was weird. I hadn’t seen him since we broke up. At least I hadn’t talk to him since then. He tried to call me a few times after I left him, but then it stopped. I saw him at PIFA a few times, but we never talked or even waved at each other. And since I left school I hadn’t seen him at all.
But for some reason it was nice to see him, to see a known face.
"Expensive is an understatement.“
"What about you?“
"I live here, too. Well, in Queens. I moved here two years ago.“
"And you can afford it?“
He laughed. "I don’t have to take care of it alone, actually.“
"Well, I do – or I want to.“ I sighed. "I try. But the people here seem all so distant and arrogant. It’s like they don’t want you here. They don’t…“
"Listen to you?“
"Yeah, and they don’t…“
"Help you?“
"New York sucks!“
He laughed again and gave me five dollars. "With qualification from PIFA you should find an agent. They love qualifications for some reason.“
I took the money. It was embarrassing, at least for me. "I don’t have one. I left school after… well, I didn’t finish at PIFA.“
"Oh."
"Why did you finish it? And why did you look for an agent, you already had one.“
He sighed and shook his head. "Long story, bad ending. Let’s just say, I learned my lesson. I’m sorry I accepted that contract back then by the way. Wasn’t fair. Actually it was very selfish.“
I gave him the change and frowned. "Wow, so bad?“
"Worse.“
"Sorry to hear that.“ I really was. Yeah, the contract sucked and yeah it wasn’t funny to be called his cousin back than, but it was a great offer with concerts and CD’s and it was what he wanted and he was fucking good with the violin.
"Nah, it’s okay, it’s done. I found a way.“
"Can you give me a lesson?“
He took the money and his coffee and shrugged. "Just find a way.“
I swear to god, the next person who tells me that I had to find a way won’t survive it.
New York sucks!
Distracting myself worked just as long as I had something to do. When I went home to my room, I felt lonely again. I started to hate New York, because New York obviously hated me. It was just 9 PM but I was already in bed, I was tired, I was depressed and I talked to Brian about it. I told him about Nadya.
He laughed when I told him that she laughed at me. Did I miss the joke in it? "I told you she won’t help you.“
Helpful, isn’t he? "So? Does it make you feel better that you were right?“
"Stop being bitchy.“
"I’m not bitchy.“ I was bitchy. I was pissed, depressed, angry, disappointed and sad. I was humiliated. I knew I was good, my paintings were good, but no one in that fucking city cared about it.
"If you need help why don’t you just ask?“
"I won’t take you money. Never! Stop doing that, I’m not a child anymore!“
"You sure? Because right now you’re very childish!“
He made me even more angry than I already was. "Just because I won’t live on your money anymore doesn’t make me childish!“
"Take it as a loan, you can pay me back!“ he offered.
"I already owe you 10,000 dollars for school, it’s enough!“ Why couldn’t he just leave me alone? Why couldn’t he understand? "Stop being so patronizing!“
That worked, now he was pissed at me, too. "Then don’t take it!“
"I won’t!“ Like I said, it was me who brought up the first fight.
"Fine.“
"Fine!“ I hung up and slammed my phone beside me. Fuck! FUCK! FUCK!
TBC
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
on 2010-11-03 07:59 am (UTC)I'm sure ;-).
Great update!
no subject
on 2010-11-03 08:00 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 08:41 am (UTC):-)))))
no subject
on 2010-11-03 09:15 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 09:53 am (UTC)Lets see what happens, they are both such stubborn assholes, later Jx
no subject
on 2010-11-03 10:51 am (UTC)But like I said, Ethan won't be a big part of that.
no subject
on 2010-11-03 09:55 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 10:51 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 01:21 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 01:43 pm (UTC)Love it. Hugs back!
no subject
on 2010-11-03 01:49 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 02:25 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 09:26 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-04 07:05 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 03:12 pm (UTC)again. realistic. Both sides have their points.
reality sucks *sigh*
no subject
on 2010-11-03 06:44 pm (UTC)Love to read that.
no subject
on 2010-11-03 03:59 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 06:46 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-03 04:13 pm (UTC)I read all the chapter in one go, they're great.
Need more * blushes *
* hugs *
no subject
on 2010-11-03 06:45 pm (UTC)Thanks a lot, glad you like it.
no subject
on 2010-11-03 05:56 pm (UTC)thanks so much for that
<3
no subject
on 2010-11-03 06:45 pm (UTC)Happy that you like it.
no subject
on 2010-11-03 11:19 pm (UTC)I really wish Justin find a way...¡ups! I hope he hasn't heard it!
no subject
on 2010-11-04 07:02 am (UTC)I see you listened to him!!
Thanks for your comment.
no subject
on 2010-11-04 12:17 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-04 07:04 am (UTC)Thanks for reading and for your comment :)
no subject
on 2010-11-04 12:59 am (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-04 07:03 am (UTC)Yeah,would be the easiest way, but I guess sometimes you just have to make it on your own :)
Thanks for your comment.
no subject
on 2010-11-04 08:04 pm (UTC)Can't wait to see the fall-out.
no subject
on 2010-11-04 08:28 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-05 01:09 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-05 04:55 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-05 05:43 pm (UTC)I love your style and as I always tell you, you're so good in writing the characters.
Your Justin is quite perfect!
Ethan scared me a little... but then I remembered the warning and now I feel better ;)
no subject
on 2010-11-05 06:37 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-08 05:31 pm (UTC)i hope all will resolve soon and our boys will be ok together.
and for the love of god, take ian out of this story! *pfff*
cant wait for the update ;-]
no subject
on 2010-11-08 06:53 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-11-14 07:07 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2010-12-19 03:57 pm (UTC)no subject
on 2011-11-08 07:14 pm (UTC)I'm never happy to see him turn up in fic unless it's "Ethan gets up close and personal with a semi" or something along those lines. Justin is way too vulnerable to have Ethan sniffing around him again!
I am worried!