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soulmatejunkee) wrote2012-04-24 01:14 pm
soulmatejunkee) wrote2012-04-24 01:14 pm
Entry tags:
Taking a chance on love - "Okay."
Title: Okay
Prompt: Taking a chance on love
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Episode 5.11, starts during the 2nd proposal, but... goes AU
Word Count: 1.226
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta: What would I do without my lovelymander3_swish :)
Dedicated topam81. Happy Birthday, sweetheart ♥
Another "Evil Kinney Girls" Project!
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
Justin's POV
“Then you mean it?” I ask him.
“I’ve never meant anything more.”
He’s crazy, totally crazy, but yes, he does mean it. I can see it, and that’s fucking scary. This can’t be happening, it’s just wrong. It feels wrong -all of it; me standing here in this unbelievably big house somewhere in nowhere and Brian Kinney almost kneeling in front of me, begging me to marry him.
“Okay,” I say.
“Okay?”
I nod at him. He looks vulnerable and I’m not sure if I should hug him, kiss him, or slap him. Or maybe I should try all of it.
I shrug and shake my head. “No. The answer is still no.”
That’s not what he wants to hear, I can tell. “What? Is the house not big enough?”
“The house is beautiful.” I take a step forward and now I’m standing right in front of him. My fingers touch his hand. I’m not sure if he lets me touch him. He’s probably going to push me back again. “Everything is beautiful: You telling me that you love me and your proposal and buying this house. It’s more than I ever thought I would have.”
Really, I mean, I’m standing right in the middle of a palace!
“But you don’t want it? Or is it me you don’t want anymore?”
I can’t help but smiling. I know he’s scared shitless. Of course he is. I would be. And I’m not as emotionally damaged as he is. I’m only Brian Kinney damaged. “I do. I want it. I want all of it. I want to marry you, I want to live in a house with you… and I want you, but this is too much, okay? Way too much.”
Now he’s confused and shaking his head. “But telling you that I love you wasn't enough, so…” He shrugs. “This is exactly what you said. You said you wanted a husband, and you wanted a house, a family. I couldn’t get a baby this fast, but the rest is here.”
I laugh at him. He’s adorable. It’s amazing how he's changed or tried to change since the bombing. It’s sad that he needed a bomb to give it a try, but I know how hard it is for him to be so openly honest with me about his feelings.
“I still want all of that. And if you really want that, too, I would love to have it with you.”
“I’m here, I want it.”
“I don’t think so. I still think you’re acting out of shock. I think you're doing it because you think it’s what I want, but not because it’s what you want.”
“So you don’t want to live here?”
“No.” I look around. Fuck, of course I want to love here. The house is fucking beautiful, but what are we supposed to do here? Playing hide and seek in the 25 rooms? “This house is way too big for two people. I’m afraid we would lose contact if we live here. You’ll stay in the north part, I'll live in the south part and we would never see each other.”
Now he understands and tries not to laugh. He shoves his tongue into the side of his cheek, as he does so often. “So, what do you have in mind? What do you want? And… it would be nice if your plans would include me somehow.”
Isn’t he just cute? “All I want is some safety; a safe place, a home, a place where nothing happens that I don’t want to happen. I want a partner who wants me and puts me first. Always. I don’t care about the place I can call home, all that's important is that it’s a safe place. But … if you still want to be included, I think that place should be somewhere in town so that we’re close to Woody’s and Babylon and the diner and Kinnetik and…”
“I told you that I’m going to sell Babylon.”
I bump against him, my arms around his waist. “I don’t think that’s what you want to do either and it’s also not what I think you should do. So if you want to do it to prove me something, don’t do it. Personally, I think you should reopen it. Selling it is like letting them win, and we should never let them win.”
He looks down at me. I can feel his hands on my back, but his touch is still somewhat shy. I know he’s trying to please me, to give me everything I want or everything he thinks I want so that we could be together again. And you know what? I love it. It’s so great to see him fighting for us. I was waiting for this to happen for so fucking long and now he’s finally willing to help me.
“I thought you didn’t like Babylon anymore,” he says. “You haven’t been there much, lately.”
True, but it’s not because I don’t like Babylon. Babylon is where I grew up – so to speak. “It’s not very fun watching you go after someone else, but I think it’s not fair to blame Babylon for you having your third midlife-crisis.”
He nods and sighs. “Fourth.”
“Okay,” I laugh.
“So, if you don’t want to marry me and don’t want to live here, where are we now? What do you want me to do?”
I wish I could believe him and everything he says. I wish I could just say yes and then live this happily ever after… because I deserve it. But I know him and I still know why I left him. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t really want to do, just to please me… because that won’t work.”
I can see he’s thinking about it. My little bubble will probably burst again. He is who he is; he loves to fuck around, to live with no boundaries, to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.
“I want to be with you,” he says. “That’s all I want. But I know that it’s not enough. I know that we can’t go back to where we had been, and I know you don’t think I can change. Maybe you’re right.” He shrugs. “But maybe you’re not. Maybe it’s a big mistake if you don’t give me another chance.”
I never thought that he would ever say anything like this to me. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
Silence, for well… 4 seconds, I guess. “Okay what? What the fuck is okay?”
I laugh and lean my forehead against his chin briefly before I look up at him again. “Okay, I’ll give you the chance to take a chance on love.”
I kiss his neck. God, I missed this. Being close to him, touching him and being touched by him.
His eyes are closed when he whispers “Okay.”
I put my hand on his cheek. “But we do this together.”
“Okay.”
“Where ever we’re going to live, it’s our home.”
He nods and smiles shyly. “A safe place.”
Yeah, maybe he’s right, maybe he can change, maybe he wants to change, maybe we can be together again, and maybe he’s really taking this chance on love.
“By the way,” I say while stroking his hair. “I love you, too.”
He gives me a warm smile. “Okay.”
Prompt: Taking a chance on love
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Episode 5.11, starts during the 2nd proposal, but... goes AU
Word Count: 1.226
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta: What would I do without my lovely
mander3_swish :)Dedicated to
pam81. Happy Birthday, sweetheart ♥Another "Evil Kinney Girls" Project!
As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
Justin's POV
“Then you mean it?” I ask him.
“I’ve never meant anything more.”
He’s crazy, totally crazy, but yes, he does mean it. I can see it, and that’s fucking scary. This can’t be happening, it’s just wrong. It feels wrong -all of it; me standing here in this unbelievably big house somewhere in nowhere and Brian Kinney almost kneeling in front of me, begging me to marry him.
“Okay,” I say.
“Okay?”
I nod at him. He looks vulnerable and I’m not sure if I should hug him, kiss him, or slap him. Or maybe I should try all of it.
I shrug and shake my head. “No. The answer is still no.”
That’s not what he wants to hear, I can tell. “What? Is the house not big enough?”
“The house is beautiful.” I take a step forward and now I’m standing right in front of him. My fingers touch his hand. I’m not sure if he lets me touch him. He’s probably going to push me back again. “Everything is beautiful: You telling me that you love me and your proposal and buying this house. It’s more than I ever thought I would have.”
Really, I mean, I’m standing right in the middle of a palace!
“But you don’t want it? Or is it me you don’t want anymore?”
I can’t help but smiling. I know he’s scared shitless. Of course he is. I would be. And I’m not as emotionally damaged as he is. I’m only Brian Kinney damaged. “I do. I want it. I want all of it. I want to marry you, I want to live in a house with you… and I want you, but this is too much, okay? Way too much.”
Now he’s confused and shaking his head. “But telling you that I love you wasn't enough, so…” He shrugs. “This is exactly what you said. You said you wanted a husband, and you wanted a house, a family. I couldn’t get a baby this fast, but the rest is here.”
I laugh at him. He’s adorable. It’s amazing how he's changed or tried to change since the bombing. It’s sad that he needed a bomb to give it a try, but I know how hard it is for him to be so openly honest with me about his feelings.
“I still want all of that. And if you really want that, too, I would love to have it with you.”
“I’m here, I want it.”
“I don’t think so. I still think you’re acting out of shock. I think you're doing it because you think it’s what I want, but not because it’s what you want.”
“So you don’t want to live here?”
“No.” I look around. Fuck, of course I want to love here. The house is fucking beautiful, but what are we supposed to do here? Playing hide and seek in the 25 rooms? “This house is way too big for two people. I’m afraid we would lose contact if we live here. You’ll stay in the north part, I'll live in the south part and we would never see each other.”
Now he understands and tries not to laugh. He shoves his tongue into the side of his cheek, as he does so often. “So, what do you have in mind? What do you want? And… it would be nice if your plans would include me somehow.”
Isn’t he just cute? “All I want is some safety; a safe place, a home, a place where nothing happens that I don’t want to happen. I want a partner who wants me and puts me first. Always. I don’t care about the place I can call home, all that's important is that it’s a safe place. But … if you still want to be included, I think that place should be somewhere in town so that we’re close to Woody’s and Babylon and the diner and Kinnetik and…”
“I told you that I’m going to sell Babylon.”
I bump against him, my arms around his waist. “I don’t think that’s what you want to do either and it’s also not what I think you should do. So if you want to do it to prove me something, don’t do it. Personally, I think you should reopen it. Selling it is like letting them win, and we should never let them win.”
He looks down at me. I can feel his hands on my back, but his touch is still somewhat shy. I know he’s trying to please me, to give me everything I want or everything he thinks I want so that we could be together again. And you know what? I love it. It’s so great to see him fighting for us. I was waiting for this to happen for so fucking long and now he’s finally willing to help me.
“I thought you didn’t like Babylon anymore,” he says. “You haven’t been there much, lately.”
True, but it’s not because I don’t like Babylon. Babylon is where I grew up – so to speak. “It’s not very fun watching you go after someone else, but I think it’s not fair to blame Babylon for you having your third midlife-crisis.”
He nods and sighs. “Fourth.”
“Okay,” I laugh.
“So, if you don’t want to marry me and don’t want to live here, where are we now? What do you want me to do?”
I wish I could believe him and everything he says. I wish I could just say yes and then live this happily ever after… because I deserve it. But I know him and I still know why I left him. “I don’t want you to do anything you don’t really want to do, just to please me… because that won’t work.”
I can see he’s thinking about it. My little bubble will probably burst again. He is who he is; he loves to fuck around, to live with no boundaries, to do whatever he wants whenever he wants.
“I want to be with you,” he says. “That’s all I want. But I know that it’s not enough. I know that we can’t go back to where we had been, and I know you don’t think I can change. Maybe you’re right.” He shrugs. “But maybe you’re not. Maybe it’s a big mistake if you don’t give me another chance.”
I never thought that he would ever say anything like this to me. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Okay.”
Silence, for well… 4 seconds, I guess. “Okay what? What the fuck is okay?”
I laugh and lean my forehead against his chin briefly before I look up at him again. “Okay, I’ll give you the chance to take a chance on love.”
I kiss his neck. God, I missed this. Being close to him, touching him and being touched by him.
His eyes are closed when he whispers “Okay.”
I put my hand on his cheek. “But we do this together.”
“Okay.”
“Where ever we’re going to live, it’s our home.”
He nods and smiles shyly. “A safe place.”
Yeah, maybe he’s right, maybe he can change, maybe he wants to change, maybe we can be together again, and maybe he’s really taking this chance on love.
“By the way,” I say while stroking his hair. “I love you, too.”
He gives me a warm smile. “Okay.”
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