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soulmatejunkeeTitle: 1 wedding, 4 rings and 1 almost funeral, Part 11/? (You & Me-Series)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 4.225
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta: Anna - thanks so much!
Things are going to change with that story, moving forward - finally! I hope you still enjoy it. As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
5. ...remember what's missing?
6. The Party
7. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
8. 1 wedding, 4 rings and 1 almost funeral 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
Brian's POV
I couldn’t help laughing. Unfortunately she didn’t. “He’s here?”
“Waiting outside”, Cynthia nodded.
What the fuck? “What does he want?”
“He didn’t say. He just said it’s urgent and that he needs to talk to you”, she shrugged.
That day just sucked. I rolled my eyes and nodded. Thank god I had a lot of client appointments that afternoon, so even if I would want to – which I didn’t – I couldn’t afford much time for him.
A few seconds later he rolled into my office. He looked old, a lot older than the last time I saw him. And he looked weak, not like the guy who once caught me off-guard and trounced me.
“Mr. Taylor”, I welcomed him and stood up from my chair.
“Thanks for talking to me.”
“So far we haven’t yet”, I answered, leaned against my desk and crossed my arms. “So what’s your visit about? Another murder attempt? After a faked car accident, an attack with your fists and feet and a bomb... what’s next?”
He saw it coming, he wasn’t stupid. He knew we weren’t friends. And he knew what I was talking about. He shook his head. “I had nothing to do with the bomb.”
I laughed. “Of course you had. Every fucking supporter of Proposition 14 is a potential committer. And don’t tell me you didn’t support it, it’s why you got your son arrested, remember?”
It looked as if he was surprised that I knew about that, too. But after a few seconds he shook his head again. “I had nothing to do with the bomb.”
They never found out who placed the bomb at the club, they never arrested someone. All the victims and their surviving dependants were still not revenged. That made me angry, especially since the first anniversary would come up soon and I hated it to think about seeing them again without being able to tell them that we finally found the offender. But with Craig Taylor in front of me I finally had a possible offender and there was no reason to not let him feel the anger.
“We should tell that the parents of the 22 year old guy who joined the party to support his lesbian sister, who’s living in Virginia. Or maybe we should tell it to the three little kids who have to grow up without her mother and who probably will end up at foster families, since their other mother doesn’t have any right to adopt them now that her wife is dead.”
He nodded and closed his eyes briefly. “What do you want from me? I don’t think it’s right that two guys or two girls are getting married. And I’m tired of being blamed for that.”
“Yeah, it’s not funny to be blamed for what you feel, isn’t it?” He really made it easy for me.
We just looked at each other for a few silent seconds. Normally I didn’t like silence, but this time it was a good one, because I gained the upper hand. He practically handed it to me on a silver platter.
“I had no idea that anyone had planted a bomb at that event”, he said and looked me straight in the eyes. He had a plan, he had a reason for showing up, I could see it in his eyes. He was prepared for every allegation I could probably throw at him. “I knew that some of them wanted to demonstrate, just as you people did. But no one ever said anything about a bomb! And believe it or not, I never wanted anyone to die.”
“Except me, of course.” A little reminder wasn’t forbidden. “And... I’m not the one who wants anything from you. You came to me.”
He nodded and cleared his throat. “I need to talk to Justin.”
That was expectable. “He’s not here.”
“He doesn’t talk to me. He barely looks at me. He avoids me.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I wonder why he’s doing that.”
No answer, he expected it. “He won’t listen to me, but... he will listen to you. He always did.”
I nodded. “So?”
“So I’m here to ask you for help.”
I admit, I was somehow gleeful. There was a part of me that was very curious to know what he had planned, because I was sure that he didn’t expect Justin to forgive him that easily. And there was another part of me that knew that Justin was still waiting for his father to apologize and that he was also willing to forgive – sooner or later. But there was also the part that knew that people didn’t change, that one day they fell back into their old behaviour. And I didn’t want Justin to go through that humiliation again.
“And why would I help you?” I asked him. “Just because you’re his Dad? Or because you’re sick, weak? Or maybe because I’m your only chance to make your son listen to you?”
He shrugged. He was uncomfortable, it was obvious. I was still the guy that had ruined his perfect little family. Like I said, people never change. But then he said, “Because you love him.”
I didn’t expect that. But even though it was unforeseeable, it still wasn’t the right answer. “So I am supposed to help you, because I love him? I don’t think so. Any other reason?”
He just looked at me and swallowed. “Maybe you can do it for him.”
That was a reason, it was the only reason why I would do it. Because I knew that even if Justin would not admit it, he was still hoping and waiting for his father to change his attitude towards him. And maybe he was right to do it, maybe it would happen.
“Maybe he would appreciate it.”
“Of course he would”, I answered. “Every son would. Always. That never changes, no matter how much time went by. He never gave up; he just learned to live without you.” I shrugged. “What else was he supposed to do?”
He looked kinda hopeful. “So, you will talk to him?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“What do you have planned to tell him? What do you expect to happen? What are you gonna do to make up for all the shit you threw at him since you learned that he’s gay?”
Obviously, he didn’t have any plan for the moment when his son would show up and would listen to him. He was probably as naive as I was when I told Justin that I loved him and expected him to come back to me, just to realize that it wasn’t enough. And it would also not be enough for him.
“Do you know what PFLAG is?” I asked him.
“No.”
“It’s a group of parents, families and friends of lesbians and gays. You’re ex-wife is a member, ask her about it before you join them. Stop supporting the ones who killed 4 innocent people with a bomb. You’re rich, so it’s only fair that you share some money with us, to support gay marriage and gay families – two things your son wants to have one day. I also think you should walk with your ex-wife and your son at the gay pride in the summer, wearing a PFLAG shirt and a sign that says ‘I’m proud of my gay son’. You should start calling him on his birthdays and also sometimes in between, just to ask if he needs anything.”
It was a lot and it was the total opposite of everything he had done so far, so I didn’t expect him to do it at all. I couldn’t imagine him walking – or rolling – at the pride parade with a sign that says ‘I’m a father of a gay son’ or something like that. But he didn’t seem to be surprised at all. He just nodded.
“And when you’re doing this, well, let’s say for one year... then maybe he starts to believe that you really mean it. And maybe then I’ll start to try to convince him to give you a second chance... or would it be the third or fourth?”
He closed his eyes briefly and looked down.
“Until then all I’m doing is telling him is that you showed up here today to ask me for help.”
He nodded again and faced me. “Thank you.”
I walked over to him and leaned down, rested my hands on his armrests and looked him straight in the eyes. “Mr. Taylor, if you don’t want to do that or if you can’t accept who he is and what he needs, if you’re not able to throw all your opinions away and make some new; then don’t even start. Don’t waste your time and don’t make any promises you can’t keep. Be sure that I won’t let you hurt him again.”
He didn’t say anything, he just looked at me. I hoped he understood what I meant and that I really meant it.
“Brian, I have Drew Boyd on the phone”, Ted interrupted us.
I nodded at Craig and got up. “Excuse me.”
Justin's POV
“Give me a hint”, Molly begged me the entire way from the diner back home. “Just a little hint.”
“No.”
“I hate you.”
I laughed and parked the car in front of the house. “And don’t tell Mom anything about the diner.”
“Well, that depends on. Give me a hint.”
Nice try, little girl. She seemed to forget that I was a kid once, too. “Yeah, if you tell her anything, there won’t be a surprise.”
She made a face and bumped me. “You’re gonna stay for dinner?”
I shook my head. “No, I can’t.”
“Maybe it would be nice”, she said and gave me one of those puppy looks. “He would love to see you. I know it.”
I still doubted that and I had no intention of spending an entire evening with my father. “That’s not the reason. I have other plans.”
“With Brian?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“You could invite him, too.”
I laughed. “Yeah, that would be fun.” Maybe it would really be funny, since I was sure that Brian had enough respect for my mother to try to be as nice as possible and I had no idea what kind of respect my father had for anyone of us.
“He doesn’t like me, does he?” she asked.
I frowned. “What makes you think that?”
She shrugged. “He always seemed to be... bored. He doesn’t talk much.”
I kissed her forehead and opened my door. “Brian has absolutely nothing against you.”
She got out of the car, too and slammed the door. “Did he say that?”
“I know it”, I answered and walked around the car, when a cab parked right behind us. The driver got out and took a wheelchair out of the trunk.
“Dad?” Molly walked to the passenger door. “Where have you been?” She looked at me. “Justin, can you help us please?”
What was I supposed to say or to do? She wasn’t strong enough to heave him out of the car and into his wheelchair. But unfortunately I was. He put his arm around my neck and I just wanted to flee. The driver helped me and the second he sat in his wheelchair I took two steps back.
“Where have you been?” Molly asked him again.
“I had something to do”, he answered and paid the driver. Then he looked at me. “So, how was your afternoon? Did you have fun?”
“Yes, we did, it was cool”, Molly told him. “He had lunch and ... we made some plans.”
He stroked her arm and smiled at her. “Plans?”
“For tomorrow.”
“Really?” Now he looked at me and I looked away. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable before, it was just weird.
“I have to go”, I said.
And that was when my mother arrived and practically jumped out of her car and ran straight to me while saying my name over and over again. Then she was touching my face, my shoulders and my arms, as if she was looking for something.
Molly and my father were as confused as I was.
“Mom, what...?” I asked.
“Debbie told me what happened last night.”
“O. How the fuck does she know?”
“Emmett”, my mom answered and gave me an angry look. “Why didn’t you call me? You could’ve been dead.”
“What?!” That was a stereo-question from Molly and Dad.
“Mom, please, my life was never in danger.” At least I thought so. No, I was sure about that, otherwise they wouldn’t have let me leave the hospital so soon and Brian would’ve been more panicked than he was.
“You were at the hospital”, she objected.
“Yes, but...”
“What happened?” my Dad interrupted and I was really tempted to ask him, since when he cared that much about me, but with Molly standing beside him, I didn’t.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Someone put something in my drink last night and ... when I woke up I was at the hospital.”
“GHB?” Molly asked and frowned when we all looked at her as if she was an alien. “What? I’m living with the Internet and the Soap Opera Channel.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Brian brought me to the hospital as soon as he realized that something was wrong and... nothing happened. All I did was sleeping. There was no danger. And by the way, it was my fault, I shouldn’t have drunk it.”
My Mom closed her eyes briefly and sighed. “You should have called me.”
“I hadn’t my cell phone and Brian’s is broken. And you just would have freaked out; and there was no reason for, I’m fine.”
She touched me again and then she hugged me. “Thank god Brian was there. And thank god they arrested that bastard!”
I agreed with her. Lucky me I wasn’t alone there, but what about all the other guys he had made amenable with drugs. Like Sap had done, too. And I didn’t stop him. He surely kept doing it with other guys after I had kicked his balls and quit my job. I never cared about that. I should have.
“Honey, you’re okay?” my Mom asked.
“Yeah. I’m fine, really. I have to go.” I nodded at Molly. “I’ll take you tomorrow.”
“Can’t wait”, she answered.
Brian's POV
When I arrived at the house I found a plate with a sandwich on the first stair with a note that said “Eat it; it’s the only dinner you’ll get in the next hours”. I laughed and took the sandwich while walking to the bathroom.
The day had been very exausting und unexpected and I couldn’t wait to join him in the Jacuzzi. I knew he was waiting there, since I had called him before I left the office.
The ham sandwich wasn’t bad, even though I normally didn’t eat any kind of carbs that late anymore, I was pretty sure that I would lose them very soon again.
When I reached the bedroom, I took off my clothes and already heard the dabbling(?). I leaned against the doorframe and crossed my arms. “Any space left for me?”
He opened his arms to invite me and I crawled into the Jacuzzi, kissed him and sat down between his legs, which he wound around me the second I relaxed. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and sighed.
“You’re late”, he said.
“It seems that every client decided to start a new campaign today”, I answered, turned my head, kissed his neck and looked up to him. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.” He smiled at me and kissed me softly before I leaned back against him again. “Anyway, Debbie somehow heard what happened and told my mother and my mother totally freaked out.”
I nodded. “Emmett.”
“How did he know? Was he there?”
“I didn’t see him, but he told Ted what he had heard and so I told Ted what happened and I’m sure Ted told Emmett and...”
“Emmett told Debbie and... yes.” He stroked my chest and my shoulders and my arms and then just held me. That wasn’t exactly what I had planned for the Jacuzzi, but in that moment I just enjoyed it to relax. The night had been short and not funny and the day had been hard.
“So, how was your day?” he asked.
“I have a new cell phone”, I answered. “It’s fucking complicated.”
He laughed and his fingers started to fondle my chest again.
“Brian...”
“Hm?”
“I never... told you about that, but... “
That didn’t sound good. “What?”
“Do you remember when I worked at Babylon?”
“Sure.”
“And do you remember the party Sap had invited me to?”
I raised an eyebrow. There were a lot of rumors about Sap and his parties and his rules to get a dance job at the bar. “Yes. You said it was boring.”
“Yeah. There were some other guys, young guys. And there were drugs, really strong drugs. And Sap and his friends used those drugs to ... well, they drugged those guys and then they...”
I closed my eyes. “O god...”
“I saw them rape one of the guys and even though he had put me under drugs, too, I somehow kicked his balls and got fired and got out of it.”
Thank god. I took his hand in mine.
“I never told anyone”, he continued. “And I never did anything to stop him. I’m sure there had been more parties after I had left. And there were other guys.”
“Don’t do that”, I said, still holding his hand. “I doubt that you could’ve proven anything.”
“But I didn’t even try. I never thought about it. Until... now.”
“I’m absolutely sure that this guy who put the drugs in your drink had done that before, I saw him at the club before. I have no idea how many guys he had put under drugs. But I’m sure that at least one ended up at the hospital and realized what had happened and didn’t do anything about it.”
He didn’t say anything. For a few seconds there was just silence. And with Justin, silence is never a good thing.
“He didn’t touch me, right?”
I turned around and looked at him. “He didn’t touch you. Nothing happened.”
He nodded and closed his eyes before he took a deep breath. “I never thought about the party at Sap’s, it just came back to my mind when you told me about the drugs in the drink.”
“You should’ve told me that”, I said.
He shrugged. “You couldn’t have done anything and I didn’t want to admit that... this job was a bad idea and that I had failed and...”
“You didn’t fail.” I shook my head and sighed. “God, this week needs to end.”
“This year needs to end.”
“I’m very positive that both is gonna happen soon.”
He laughed and kissed me. I sat down again and leaned my head back. It was a very comfortable position, with his legs and arms around me and the hot bubbling water.
“So, tell me about the big emergency that kept you from having lunch with me”, he said.
“Well, a homophobic asshole realized that making homosexuals angry is very counterproductive to his business. And now we have to market a rainbow underwear line.” I rolled my eyes while Justin burst out laughing. And he was absolutely right. “I have to talk him out of that name; it’s way too specific.”
“I take it, it’s Brown Athletics?” he giggled.
“Yes. Leo Brown wants Drew Boyd to be his model again. And Drew Boyd wants Leo Brown to pay a lot of money for that.”
“Okay, I forgive you for not having lunch with me.”
I closed my eyes briefly and nodded. “After Brown there was another homophobic asshole that had realized that being homophobic is counterproductive to his family life.”
It took a few seconds before he asked “What?”
I guessed there wasn’t a right time or a good way to tell him about his father, so I decided to not beat around the bush. “Your father.”
First his legs fell down, then his arms. I felt somehow naked.
“O my god.”
Justin's POV
What the fuck? Really? Now I knew where he had been when he arrived just a few minutes after I had brought Molly back home.
“He asked me for help.”
I had no idea what to think or to feel. It was weird. I shook my head. “Help doing what?”
“To talk to you.”
“He had the nerve to ask you for help?!”
“Okay.” Brian turned around and looked at me. I hadn’t realized that I got really upset and breathed really hard, until he took my head between his hands. “Calm down, okay. Nothing happened. He... just wanted to talk.”
“About what? There’s absolutely nothing he could say that would make me forget what he has done to you and to me.”
He nodded. “I told him that.”
“Good.”
“And then I told him to join PFLAG.”
And with that line I totally calmed down again... I had no idea what to think or to feel. But I had to laugh. “What?”
“I told him that the only way to make me to talk you into forgiving him is supporting the homosexual groups and joining PFLAG.”
I nodded and shrugged. I felt disappointed, for sure not a feeling I wanted to have when it came to my father. “Guess the conversation was finished pretty fast.”
Brian stroked my cheek with his thumb and frowned. “He agreed. Actually, he agreed to everything I said.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t willing to take my father’s promises at face value. He was sick, he was weak, he was lonely. “Can you imagine him joining PFLAG?”
“No”, Brian answered. “But maybe he’ll surprise us. Maybe he realized that he has nothing to lose anymore.”
“Do you think he really means it?”
Brian sat down beside me and pulled me into his lap, so that now I was embraced by his legs and arms. I leaned back and closed my eyes. Fuck my father! Why couldn’t he just disappear for good?
“Right now I think he really means it, yes”, Brian said. “But I don’t know what’s gonna happen once he’s fine again. With therapy and rehab he’s going to be as good as new sooner or later. Guess you have to wait and see.”
I sighed. “After he got me arrested I was finally done with him. I can’t start this over.“
He held me close and kissed my ear. “It’s your decision.”
I shook my head. “It’s never gonna be like it was before.”
“That doesn’t mean that it can’t be good.”
I knew he was talking about us. But I couldn’t compare those two things. My father rejected me, he kicked me out, he disrespected me, he got me arrested, he never called, he never cared. Brian might have been complicated and uncomfortable from time to time and it might have been difficult to find a way between Brian “Fucking” Kinney and Brian “Cuddling” Kinney, but he’d never hurt me the same way my father did.
I turned around and put my arm around his neck. “What happened to the guy who once told me that I shouldn’t think about my father so that he can’t hurt me anymore?”
He smiled at me. “A lot.”
Sometimes I just wondered how we ended up where we were. When he took me to my first pride and danced with me on the street... it was wonderful, but it felt unreal. Or when he told me that he was the man behind the concerned citizens for the truth and quoted my line about giving up everything for something you believe in. I was proud of him, but it felt so unreal. And when he asked me to move back in, right after he told me that cancer made him think about the style of his sleeping room. I wanted him to ask me, but when he did it, it felt absolutely unreal.
And now we were sitting in a Jacuzzi, in a manor that was way too big for just the two of us, with rings on our fingers that symbolized something we couldn’t explain. I was really scared to wake up from a dream. It felt too good to be true, to be real.
And every time I thought I couldn’t love him any more than I did in every one of those moments. And I had been wrong every time.
“What?” he asked me and made me realize that I was practically staring at him.
There weren’t enough words to explain my feelings for him, so I just shook my head and answered his smile. “Nothing.” Then I leaned down and kissed him. Fucking in the bubbling water wouldn’t work without swallowing water and sliding down the seats, since it was too slippery in there; we both knew that, but there was no reason why the foreplay couldn’t start in here and not rarely the foreplay was the best part of everything.
I kissed his neck and smiled happily when I heard a happy moan from him as I started to stroke his cock with my hand.
TBC
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 4.225
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
Beta: Anna - thanks so much!
Things are going to change with that story, moving forward - finally! I hope you still enjoy it. As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
5. ...remember what's missing?
6. The Party
7. Thanksgiving 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
8. 1 wedding, 4 rings and 1 almost funeral 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10
Brian's POV
I couldn’t help laughing. Unfortunately she didn’t. “He’s here?”
“Waiting outside”, Cynthia nodded.
What the fuck? “What does he want?”
“He didn’t say. He just said it’s urgent and that he needs to talk to you”, she shrugged.
That day just sucked. I rolled my eyes and nodded. Thank god I had a lot of client appointments that afternoon, so even if I would want to – which I didn’t – I couldn’t afford much time for him.
A few seconds later he rolled into my office. He looked old, a lot older than the last time I saw him. And he looked weak, not like the guy who once caught me off-guard and trounced me.
“Mr. Taylor”, I welcomed him and stood up from my chair.
“Thanks for talking to me.”
“So far we haven’t yet”, I answered, leaned against my desk and crossed my arms. “So what’s your visit about? Another murder attempt? After a faked car accident, an attack with your fists and feet and a bomb... what’s next?”
He saw it coming, he wasn’t stupid. He knew we weren’t friends. And he knew what I was talking about. He shook his head. “I had nothing to do with the bomb.”
I laughed. “Of course you had. Every fucking supporter of Proposition 14 is a potential committer. And don’t tell me you didn’t support it, it’s why you got your son arrested, remember?”
It looked as if he was surprised that I knew about that, too. But after a few seconds he shook his head again. “I had nothing to do with the bomb.”
They never found out who placed the bomb at the club, they never arrested someone. All the victims and their surviving dependants were still not revenged. That made me angry, especially since the first anniversary would come up soon and I hated it to think about seeing them again without being able to tell them that we finally found the offender. But with Craig Taylor in front of me I finally had a possible offender and there was no reason to not let him feel the anger.
“We should tell that the parents of the 22 year old guy who joined the party to support his lesbian sister, who’s living in Virginia. Or maybe we should tell it to the three little kids who have to grow up without her mother and who probably will end up at foster families, since their other mother doesn’t have any right to adopt them now that her wife is dead.”
He nodded and closed his eyes briefly. “What do you want from me? I don’t think it’s right that two guys or two girls are getting married. And I’m tired of being blamed for that.”
“Yeah, it’s not funny to be blamed for what you feel, isn’t it?” He really made it easy for me.
We just looked at each other for a few silent seconds. Normally I didn’t like silence, but this time it was a good one, because I gained the upper hand. He practically handed it to me on a silver platter.
“I had no idea that anyone had planted a bomb at that event”, he said and looked me straight in the eyes. He had a plan, he had a reason for showing up, I could see it in his eyes. He was prepared for every allegation I could probably throw at him. “I knew that some of them wanted to demonstrate, just as you people did. But no one ever said anything about a bomb! And believe it or not, I never wanted anyone to die.”
“Except me, of course.” A little reminder wasn’t forbidden. “And... I’m not the one who wants anything from you. You came to me.”
He nodded and cleared his throat. “I need to talk to Justin.”
That was expectable. “He’s not here.”
“He doesn’t talk to me. He barely looks at me. He avoids me.”
I raised an eyebrow. “I wonder why he’s doing that.”
No answer, he expected it. “He won’t listen to me, but... he will listen to you. He always did.”
I nodded. “So?”
“So I’m here to ask you for help.”
I admit, I was somehow gleeful. There was a part of me that was very curious to know what he had planned, because I was sure that he didn’t expect Justin to forgive him that easily. And there was another part of me that knew that Justin was still waiting for his father to apologize and that he was also willing to forgive – sooner or later. But there was also the part that knew that people didn’t change, that one day they fell back into their old behaviour. And I didn’t want Justin to go through that humiliation again.
“And why would I help you?” I asked him. “Just because you’re his Dad? Or because you’re sick, weak? Or maybe because I’m your only chance to make your son listen to you?”
He shrugged. He was uncomfortable, it was obvious. I was still the guy that had ruined his perfect little family. Like I said, people never change. But then he said, “Because you love him.”
I didn’t expect that. But even though it was unforeseeable, it still wasn’t the right answer. “So I am supposed to help you, because I love him? I don’t think so. Any other reason?”
He just looked at me and swallowed. “Maybe you can do it for him.”
That was a reason, it was the only reason why I would do it. Because I knew that even if Justin would not admit it, he was still hoping and waiting for his father to change his attitude towards him. And maybe he was right to do it, maybe it would happen.
“Maybe he would appreciate it.”
“Of course he would”, I answered. “Every son would. Always. That never changes, no matter how much time went by. He never gave up; he just learned to live without you.” I shrugged. “What else was he supposed to do?”
He looked kinda hopeful. “So, you will talk to him?”
“That depends.”
“On what?”
“What do you have planned to tell him? What do you expect to happen? What are you gonna do to make up for all the shit you threw at him since you learned that he’s gay?”
Obviously, he didn’t have any plan for the moment when his son would show up and would listen to him. He was probably as naive as I was when I told Justin that I loved him and expected him to come back to me, just to realize that it wasn’t enough. And it would also not be enough for him.
“Do you know what PFLAG is?” I asked him.
“No.”
“It’s a group of parents, families and friends of lesbians and gays. You’re ex-wife is a member, ask her about it before you join them. Stop supporting the ones who killed 4 innocent people with a bomb. You’re rich, so it’s only fair that you share some money with us, to support gay marriage and gay families – two things your son wants to have one day. I also think you should walk with your ex-wife and your son at the gay pride in the summer, wearing a PFLAG shirt and a sign that says ‘I’m proud of my gay son’. You should start calling him on his birthdays and also sometimes in between, just to ask if he needs anything.”
It was a lot and it was the total opposite of everything he had done so far, so I didn’t expect him to do it at all. I couldn’t imagine him walking – or rolling – at the pride parade with a sign that says ‘I’m a father of a gay son’ or something like that. But he didn’t seem to be surprised at all. He just nodded.
“And when you’re doing this, well, let’s say for one year... then maybe he starts to believe that you really mean it. And maybe then I’ll start to try to convince him to give you a second chance... or would it be the third or fourth?”
He closed his eyes briefly and looked down.
“Until then all I’m doing is telling him is that you showed up here today to ask me for help.”
He nodded again and faced me. “Thank you.”
I walked over to him and leaned down, rested my hands on his armrests and looked him straight in the eyes. “Mr. Taylor, if you don’t want to do that or if you can’t accept who he is and what he needs, if you’re not able to throw all your opinions away and make some new; then don’t even start. Don’t waste your time and don’t make any promises you can’t keep. Be sure that I won’t let you hurt him again.”
He didn’t say anything, he just looked at me. I hoped he understood what I meant and that I really meant it.
“Brian, I have Drew Boyd on the phone”, Ted interrupted us.
I nodded at Craig and got up. “Excuse me.”
Justin's POV
“Give me a hint”, Molly begged me the entire way from the diner back home. “Just a little hint.”
“No.”
“I hate you.”
I laughed and parked the car in front of the house. “And don’t tell Mom anything about the diner.”
“Well, that depends on. Give me a hint.”
Nice try, little girl. She seemed to forget that I was a kid once, too. “Yeah, if you tell her anything, there won’t be a surprise.”
She made a face and bumped me. “You’re gonna stay for dinner?”
I shook my head. “No, I can’t.”
“Maybe it would be nice”, she said and gave me one of those puppy looks. “He would love to see you. I know it.”
I still doubted that and I had no intention of spending an entire evening with my father. “That’s not the reason. I have other plans.”
“With Brian?” she asked.
“Yes.”
“You could invite him, too.”
I laughed. “Yeah, that would be fun.” Maybe it would really be funny, since I was sure that Brian had enough respect for my mother to try to be as nice as possible and I had no idea what kind of respect my father had for anyone of us.
“He doesn’t like me, does he?” she asked.
I frowned. “What makes you think that?”
She shrugged. “He always seemed to be... bored. He doesn’t talk much.”
I kissed her forehead and opened my door. “Brian has absolutely nothing against you.”
She got out of the car, too and slammed the door. “Did he say that?”
“I know it”, I answered and walked around the car, when a cab parked right behind us. The driver got out and took a wheelchair out of the trunk.
“Dad?” Molly walked to the passenger door. “Where have you been?” She looked at me. “Justin, can you help us please?”
What was I supposed to say or to do? She wasn’t strong enough to heave him out of the car and into his wheelchair. But unfortunately I was. He put his arm around my neck and I just wanted to flee. The driver helped me and the second he sat in his wheelchair I took two steps back.
“Where have you been?” Molly asked him again.
“I had something to do”, he answered and paid the driver. Then he looked at me. “So, how was your afternoon? Did you have fun?”
“Yes, we did, it was cool”, Molly told him. “He had lunch and ... we made some plans.”
He stroked her arm and smiled at her. “Plans?”
“For tomorrow.”
“Really?” Now he looked at me and I looked away. I’ve never felt so uncomfortable before, it was just weird.
“I have to go”, I said.
And that was when my mother arrived and practically jumped out of her car and ran straight to me while saying my name over and over again. Then she was touching my face, my shoulders and my arms, as if she was looking for something.
Molly and my father were as confused as I was.
“Mom, what...?” I asked.
“Debbie told me what happened last night.”
“O. How the fuck does she know?”
“Emmett”, my mom answered and gave me an angry look. “Why didn’t you call me? You could’ve been dead.”
“What?!” That was a stereo-question from Molly and Dad.
“Mom, please, my life was never in danger.” At least I thought so. No, I was sure about that, otherwise they wouldn’t have let me leave the hospital so soon and Brian would’ve been more panicked than he was.
“You were at the hospital”, she objected.
“Yes, but...”
“What happened?” my Dad interrupted and I was really tempted to ask him, since when he cared that much about me, but with Molly standing beside him, I didn’t.
I rolled my eyes and sighed. “Someone put something in my drink last night and ... when I woke up I was at the hospital.”
“GHB?” Molly asked and frowned when we all looked at her as if she was an alien. “What? I’m living with the Internet and the Soap Opera Channel.”
I laughed and shook my head. “Brian brought me to the hospital as soon as he realized that something was wrong and... nothing happened. All I did was sleeping. There was no danger. And by the way, it was my fault, I shouldn’t have drunk it.”
My Mom closed her eyes briefly and sighed. “You should have called me.”
“I hadn’t my cell phone and Brian’s is broken. And you just would have freaked out; and there was no reason for, I’m fine.”
She touched me again and then she hugged me. “Thank god Brian was there. And thank god they arrested that bastard!”
I agreed with her. Lucky me I wasn’t alone there, but what about all the other guys he had made amenable with drugs. Like Sap had done, too. And I didn’t stop him. He surely kept doing it with other guys after I had kicked his balls and quit my job. I never cared about that. I should have.
“Honey, you’re okay?” my Mom asked.
“Yeah. I’m fine, really. I have to go.” I nodded at Molly. “I’ll take you tomorrow.”
“Can’t wait”, she answered.
Brian's POV
When I arrived at the house I found a plate with a sandwich on the first stair with a note that said “Eat it; it’s the only dinner you’ll get in the next hours”. I laughed and took the sandwich while walking to the bathroom.
The day had been very exausting und unexpected and I couldn’t wait to join him in the Jacuzzi. I knew he was waiting there, since I had called him before I left the office.
The ham sandwich wasn’t bad, even though I normally didn’t eat any kind of carbs that late anymore, I was pretty sure that I would lose them very soon again.
When I reached the bedroom, I took off my clothes and already heard the dabbling(?). I leaned against the doorframe and crossed my arms. “Any space left for me?”
He opened his arms to invite me and I crawled into the Jacuzzi, kissed him and sat down between his legs, which he wound around me the second I relaxed. I leaned my head back onto his shoulder and sighed.
“You’re late”, he said.
“It seems that every client decided to start a new campaign today”, I answered, turned my head, kissed his neck and looked up to him. “How are you?”
“I’m fine.” He smiled at me and kissed me softly before I leaned back against him again. “Anyway, Debbie somehow heard what happened and told my mother and my mother totally freaked out.”
I nodded. “Emmett.”
“How did he know? Was he there?”
“I didn’t see him, but he told Ted what he had heard and so I told Ted what happened and I’m sure Ted told Emmett and...”
“Emmett told Debbie and... yes.” He stroked my chest and my shoulders and my arms and then just held me. That wasn’t exactly what I had planned for the Jacuzzi, but in that moment I just enjoyed it to relax. The night had been short and not funny and the day had been hard.
“So, how was your day?” he asked.
“I have a new cell phone”, I answered. “It’s fucking complicated.”
He laughed and his fingers started to fondle my chest again.
“Brian...”
“Hm?”
“I never... told you about that, but... “
That didn’t sound good. “What?”
“Do you remember when I worked at Babylon?”
“Sure.”
“And do you remember the party Sap had invited me to?”
I raised an eyebrow. There were a lot of rumors about Sap and his parties and his rules to get a dance job at the bar. “Yes. You said it was boring.”
“Yeah. There were some other guys, young guys. And there were drugs, really strong drugs. And Sap and his friends used those drugs to ... well, they drugged those guys and then they...”
I closed my eyes. “O god...”
“I saw them rape one of the guys and even though he had put me under drugs, too, I somehow kicked his balls and got fired and got out of it.”
Thank god. I took his hand in mine.
“I never told anyone”, he continued. “And I never did anything to stop him. I’m sure there had been more parties after I had left. And there were other guys.”
“Don’t do that”, I said, still holding his hand. “I doubt that you could’ve proven anything.”
“But I didn’t even try. I never thought about it. Until... now.”
“I’m absolutely sure that this guy who put the drugs in your drink had done that before, I saw him at the club before. I have no idea how many guys he had put under drugs. But I’m sure that at least one ended up at the hospital and realized what had happened and didn’t do anything about it.”
He didn’t say anything. For a few seconds there was just silence. And with Justin, silence is never a good thing.
“He didn’t touch me, right?”
I turned around and looked at him. “He didn’t touch you. Nothing happened.”
He nodded and closed his eyes before he took a deep breath. “I never thought about the party at Sap’s, it just came back to my mind when you told me about the drugs in the drink.”
“You should’ve told me that”, I said.
He shrugged. “You couldn’t have done anything and I didn’t want to admit that... this job was a bad idea and that I had failed and...”
“You didn’t fail.” I shook my head and sighed. “God, this week needs to end.”
“This year needs to end.”
“I’m very positive that both is gonna happen soon.”
He laughed and kissed me. I sat down again and leaned my head back. It was a very comfortable position, with his legs and arms around me and the hot bubbling water.
“So, tell me about the big emergency that kept you from having lunch with me”, he said.
“Well, a homophobic asshole realized that making homosexuals angry is very counterproductive to his business. And now we have to market a rainbow underwear line.” I rolled my eyes while Justin burst out laughing. And he was absolutely right. “I have to talk him out of that name; it’s way too specific.”
“I take it, it’s Brown Athletics?” he giggled.
“Yes. Leo Brown wants Drew Boyd to be his model again. And Drew Boyd wants Leo Brown to pay a lot of money for that.”
“Okay, I forgive you for not having lunch with me.”
I closed my eyes briefly and nodded. “After Brown there was another homophobic asshole that had realized that being homophobic is counterproductive to his family life.”
It took a few seconds before he asked “What?”
I guessed there wasn’t a right time or a good way to tell him about his father, so I decided to not beat around the bush. “Your father.”
First his legs fell down, then his arms. I felt somehow naked.
“O my god.”
Justin's POV
What the fuck? Really? Now I knew where he had been when he arrived just a few minutes after I had brought Molly back home.
“He asked me for help.”
I had no idea what to think or to feel. It was weird. I shook my head. “Help doing what?”
“To talk to you.”
“He had the nerve to ask you for help?!”
“Okay.” Brian turned around and looked at me. I hadn’t realized that I got really upset and breathed really hard, until he took my head between his hands. “Calm down, okay. Nothing happened. He... just wanted to talk.”
“About what? There’s absolutely nothing he could say that would make me forget what he has done to you and to me.”
He nodded. “I told him that.”
“Good.”
“And then I told him to join PFLAG.”
And with that line I totally calmed down again... I had no idea what to think or to feel. But I had to laugh. “What?”
“I told him that the only way to make me to talk you into forgiving him is supporting the homosexual groups and joining PFLAG.”
I nodded and shrugged. I felt disappointed, for sure not a feeling I wanted to have when it came to my father. “Guess the conversation was finished pretty fast.”
Brian stroked my cheek with his thumb and frowned. “He agreed. Actually, he agreed to everything I said.”
I shook my head. I wasn’t willing to take my father’s promises at face value. He was sick, he was weak, he was lonely. “Can you imagine him joining PFLAG?”
“No”, Brian answered. “But maybe he’ll surprise us. Maybe he realized that he has nothing to lose anymore.”
“Do you think he really means it?”
Brian sat down beside me and pulled me into his lap, so that now I was embraced by his legs and arms. I leaned back and closed my eyes. Fuck my father! Why couldn’t he just disappear for good?
“Right now I think he really means it, yes”, Brian said. “But I don’t know what’s gonna happen once he’s fine again. With therapy and rehab he’s going to be as good as new sooner or later. Guess you have to wait and see.”
I sighed. “After he got me arrested I was finally done with him. I can’t start this over.“
He held me close and kissed my ear. “It’s your decision.”
I shook my head. “It’s never gonna be like it was before.”
“That doesn’t mean that it can’t be good.”
I knew he was talking about us. But I couldn’t compare those two things. My father rejected me, he kicked me out, he disrespected me, he got me arrested, he never called, he never cared. Brian might have been complicated and uncomfortable from time to time and it might have been difficult to find a way between Brian “Fucking” Kinney and Brian “Cuddling” Kinney, but he’d never hurt me the same way my father did.
I turned around and put my arm around his neck. “What happened to the guy who once told me that I shouldn’t think about my father so that he can’t hurt me anymore?”
He smiled at me. “A lot.”
Sometimes I just wondered how we ended up where we were. When he took me to my first pride and danced with me on the street... it was wonderful, but it felt unreal. Or when he told me that he was the man behind the concerned citizens for the truth and quoted my line about giving up everything for something you believe in. I was proud of him, but it felt so unreal. And when he asked me to move back in, right after he told me that cancer made him think about the style of his sleeping room. I wanted him to ask me, but when he did it, it felt absolutely unreal.
And now we were sitting in a Jacuzzi, in a manor that was way too big for just the two of us, with rings on our fingers that symbolized something we couldn’t explain. I was really scared to wake up from a dream. It felt too good to be true, to be real.
And every time I thought I couldn’t love him any more than I did in every one of those moments. And I had been wrong every time.
“What?” he asked me and made me realize that I was practically staring at him.
There weren’t enough words to explain my feelings for him, so I just shook my head and answered his smile. “Nothing.” Then I leaned down and kissed him. Fucking in the bubbling water wouldn’t work without swallowing water and sliding down the seats, since it was too slippery in there; we both knew that, but there was no reason why the foreplay couldn’t start in here and not rarely the foreplay was the best part of everything.
I kissed his neck and smiled happily when I heard a happy moan from him as I started to stroke his cock with my hand.
TBC