Steffi (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
soulmatejunkee) wrote2010-11-28 01:19 pm
soulmatejunkee) wrote2010-11-28 01:19 pm
Entry tags:
Thanksgiving, Part 3 (You & Me Series)
Title: Thanksgiving, Part 3/? (You & Me-Series)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 1.943
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta byqafkinnetic - thanks a lot!
The next parts are already finished, I just haven't figured out yet, how many parts this story will have. Depends on how it works out. As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
5. ...remember what's missing?
6. The Party
7. Thanksgiving Part 1 | Part 2
Justin's POV
I had never gotten a call from Ted before, to be honest. I got his email for the party a few months ago, but never a call. And then his first call wasn’t a call you'd want to get.
"I don't want to concern you and maybe you already know it and maybe it means nothing, but Brian has an appointment at the oncology center tomorrow."
Unnecessary to say that I had no idea about it, but I wasn’t really concerned in the first moment. "Well, it’s probably just his annual test. As much as I know, you’re suppose to get tested once a year when you had cancer. At least that’s what they told my grandmother after she came down with breast cancer."
"That’s what he told me, too."
"See. No reason to worry." I wondered who I tried to convince, him or myself. The word cancer and oncology center was never a good thing.
"I wouldn’t worry if he hadn’t already had his annual appointment in March. I remember it, because it was one day before they bombed Babylon, when he told me that he got the results from his tests and that he’s cancer free.“
Twice a year wasn’t the routine. Probably when you had a really persistent or dangerous kind of cancer, tumors or something, but I doubted that you had to do tests twice a year because you once had a ball removed.
"Justin?"
"I’m still here," I answered. I heard my own words echoing in my head. You’re suppose to get tested once a year when you had cancer. At least that’s what they told my grandmother after she came down with breast cancer... They told her she was cancer free, too. Eleven months later she died, the cancer came back, the metastases were everywhere.
"It’s probably nothing," Ted said.
"Yeah, it’s probably nothing. Thanks for telling me anyway. Which time is the appointment?"
"Eleven. Please try to convince him not to fire me."
"I’ll fight for you."
I just sat there... almost an entire hour. I remembered the last time, the testicular cancer, the radiations, the fights, the angst. If the cancer was really back... I also remembered my grandmother, my childhood and I wondered what our relationship would be like today if she was still alive. I barely thought about her normally. She died when I was twelve, I remembered my mother crying when we got the call that she was dead and I remember my dad holding her. That memory alone seemed strange after all that had happen since then.
I called Brian that evening. I didn’t ask him directly about what Ted told me, we just talked and I asked him if there was anything new. But he seemed calm, he didn’t tell me anything – just as I expected. At the very latest when we agreed that we weren’t in the mood for phone sex I knew something was wrong and that it was not just about an annual test. He told me that he was tired and that he had a really hard week so far and then he told me that he had thought about spending a shopping day with Gus and that he would prefer it to have me with them.
When we ended the call I went back to my laptop, booked a flight ticket to Pittsburgh and was really thankful that there was a flight for the next morning. And I was also thankful for the merchandise-selling of the Rage stuff, it paid for the flight.
On my way to the airport I stopped by at the coffee shop. Chuck, the owner, was such a nice guy, sometimes I wondered how he survived in New York. When I told him that I needed some time off, because of some family stuff he just nodded and told me to call him when I would be available again. Really, what kind of boss would be so understanding without even arguing? Except for Debbie, of course.
Then I went to the gallery and even though I knew that Nadya wouldn’t be as understanding as Chuck was, I somehow expected her to understand that it was an emergency.
"I think I’ll be back on Monday at the latest, if not I’ll call you immediately," I promised her.
"You can not come and go like you want to," was her answer. As if I ever did. "You have to grow up little boy. You’re fired.“
You know, as much as I disliked Nadya, I always liked the job at the gallery. I was surrounded by art and sometimes an artist was really inspiring. And she didn’t pay bad. I expected her to not understand me, but I never expected her to fire me.
I shook my head. "But... I need this job. I’ll be back.“
"Well, not here anymore. Get out.“
If I'd had more time to deal with it, I probably would’ve tried to talk to her and to keep my job, but I hadn’t slept much that night and the last thing I needed was an arrogant wannabe-supergirl who tried to tell me to grow up. I had been working with her for six months, so of course I knew things about her. I knew that her rich father paid for the gallery and I knew that she was divorced, that her husband had left her for the neighbour and that her brother was a police officer.
"You’re a bitch," I said. "I think now that I’m not working here anymore I can finally tell you that. You’re a fucking bitch."
Brian’s POV
I waited for the doctor. I still hated that room, I still hated the hospital. I didn’t expect to be back so soon. I knew that people who had once had cancer often fell sick with it again, but somehow I hoped I wouldn’t. I still hoped it. So far there was just a lump on my right breast, which I had found two days ago when I came back from Babylon and showered. Do you the feeling when you find something at your body that just doesn’t belong there?
I barely think about my cancer, it’s done, it’s over. I was still alive, I was healthy. But the second I found the lump, it was all back.
And when you’re alone it’s even worse. I wanted to tell Justin, I had already picked up the phone when I had found the lump. But... it was late, he was in New York, what was he suppose to do? So I thought, I would tell him the next time he called, but then I decided it was ridiculous to make him panicky before I knew what was really going on. But I’m not sure if it was really about not panicking him or if I wanted to convince myself, that there was nothing to worry about.
When he finally called again it seemed to be forever since we had talked, even though it had been just two days. It was the evening before I had the appointment at the hospital, and when I saw the caller ID I felt kinda relieved, I felt less helpless. I wanted to tell him, because I wanted him to be there. I knew this was impossible, my appointment was just 14 hours later and he had duties and his new project and other plans. While realizing that I was in a long distance relationship and that there was no chance, that he would be here to come with me, I felt even more helpless than before. And then there was that strange feeling again, the one I always got when I was hanging out with Ted and Blake or Michael and Ben or Emmett and whoever.
It was the first call without phone sex... something was wrong. He was very quiet, short spoken and he seemed tired. I told him that I wanted him to join me when I’ll take Gus to a shopping day. But he barely answered to that. And then we hung up and I stared at the phone for a while, pondering if I should call him again or not.
I didn’t call him again and now I was sitting at the doctors office, waiting for another cancer-diagnosis. And just like the last time he confronted me with tons of theories, what could be, what might be and what would be.
"Breast cancer is still very unusual for men. So don’t panic. The biggest risk for you so far is the fact that you had cancer before.“
"So what now? Another blood test?" I asked, while I thought about it. My grandparents never had cancer, the only person I knew who got it, was my fucking father.
"Blood test and a biopsy, unfortunately I can’t spare this to you. But it’s just a small surgery, it’s an outpatient treatment.“
Another scar. I just nodded. "And then what?“
"We will inspect the biopsy specimen in the lab. It will take a few hours. And then we know what it is. Like I said, breast cancer is not the usual diagnosis for men and your last blood test is just eight months ago, the lump is at a body location you touch more than just every few weeks. Right now there’s no reason to expect the worst."
Unfortunately that’s my human nature. But I just nodded again. I knew that my radiation treatment was comparatively harmless to what I might expect. "So, lets do it.“
"We can do the biopsy on Saturday.“
"Why not now?" What were we waiting for? I wanted that lump to be gone.
"We need an operating room, after all it’s still a surgery.“
"How long do I have to wait for the results?“ I asked.
"Well, the lab doesn’t work on Sunday, so I think we’ll get the results on Monday. I’ll call you as soon as I know anything.“
So I had to spend the entire weekend with thinking about what might be. I nodded again and swallowed.
"Be here on Saturday at 10 AM, and please be sober. 12 hours no food, only water to drink.“
Not even a chance to forget what could come. "Sure. What if... it is cancer?“
"Honestly Mr. Kinney, I don’t want my patients to brood over that before we know what’s going on. So far there’s no reason to expect the worst."
"Where does it come from? Just because I once had cancer?"
"Well, most of time cancer comes from the personal circumstances. Alimentation, too much fat, too much alcohol. It can be a consequence of long-term alcohol consumption, which also affects the liver. Both affect the hormone levels to the detriment of the male hormone testosterone.“
"Alcohol...," I mumbled. So far I never would’ve called myself a drinker, but I guess I’m drinking a lot. There’s barely one day in week without at least a beer.
"So far we don’t even know if you have cancer, so don’t start to analyze every of your habits, okay? I know it’s easier said than done, but try to relax. I’ll see you on Saturday. And you’re not allowed to drive after the biopsy, so bring someone with you.“
"Sure." Michael? Ted? Justin?
Fuck! Fuck this! Fuck the doctor! Fuck the hospital! Fuck the cancer! The last radiation wasn’t even one fucking year ago and now what? Chemotherapy? Even more vomiting, hair loss and whatever else they call side effects.
I left the office and walked down the floor. It was empty, two nurses were standing in front of a door and I saw someone standing at the end of the floor.
TBC
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 1.943
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta by
qafkinnetic - thanks a lot!The next parts are already finished, I just haven't figured out yet, how many parts this story will have. Depends on how it works out. As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4
5. ...remember what's missing?
6. The Party
7. Thanksgiving Part 1 | Part 2
Justin's POV
I had never gotten a call from Ted before, to be honest. I got his email for the party a few months ago, but never a call. And then his first call wasn’t a call you'd want to get.
"I don't want to concern you and maybe you already know it and maybe it means nothing, but Brian has an appointment at the oncology center tomorrow."
Unnecessary to say that I had no idea about it, but I wasn’t really concerned in the first moment. "Well, it’s probably just his annual test. As much as I know, you’re suppose to get tested once a year when you had cancer. At least that’s what they told my grandmother after she came down with breast cancer."
"That’s what he told me, too."
"See. No reason to worry." I wondered who I tried to convince, him or myself. The word cancer and oncology center was never a good thing.
"I wouldn’t worry if he hadn’t already had his annual appointment in March. I remember it, because it was one day before they bombed Babylon, when he told me that he got the results from his tests and that he’s cancer free.“
Twice a year wasn’t the routine. Probably when you had a really persistent or dangerous kind of cancer, tumors or something, but I doubted that you had to do tests twice a year because you once had a ball removed.
"Justin?"
"I’m still here," I answered. I heard my own words echoing in my head. You’re suppose to get tested once a year when you had cancer. At least that’s what they told my grandmother after she came down with breast cancer... They told her she was cancer free, too. Eleven months later she died, the cancer came back, the metastases were everywhere.
"It’s probably nothing," Ted said.
"Yeah, it’s probably nothing. Thanks for telling me anyway. Which time is the appointment?"
"Eleven. Please try to convince him not to fire me."
"I’ll fight for you."
I just sat there... almost an entire hour. I remembered the last time, the testicular cancer, the radiations, the fights, the angst. If the cancer was really back... I also remembered my grandmother, my childhood and I wondered what our relationship would be like today if she was still alive. I barely thought about her normally. She died when I was twelve, I remembered my mother crying when we got the call that she was dead and I remember my dad holding her. That memory alone seemed strange after all that had happen since then.
I called Brian that evening. I didn’t ask him directly about what Ted told me, we just talked and I asked him if there was anything new. But he seemed calm, he didn’t tell me anything – just as I expected. At the very latest when we agreed that we weren’t in the mood for phone sex I knew something was wrong and that it was not just about an annual test. He told me that he was tired and that he had a really hard week so far and then he told me that he had thought about spending a shopping day with Gus and that he would prefer it to have me with them.
When we ended the call I went back to my laptop, booked a flight ticket to Pittsburgh and was really thankful that there was a flight for the next morning. And I was also thankful for the merchandise-selling of the Rage stuff, it paid for the flight.
On my way to the airport I stopped by at the coffee shop. Chuck, the owner, was such a nice guy, sometimes I wondered how he survived in New York. When I told him that I needed some time off, because of some family stuff he just nodded and told me to call him when I would be available again. Really, what kind of boss would be so understanding without even arguing? Except for Debbie, of course.
Then I went to the gallery and even though I knew that Nadya wouldn’t be as understanding as Chuck was, I somehow expected her to understand that it was an emergency.
"I think I’ll be back on Monday at the latest, if not I’ll call you immediately," I promised her.
"You can not come and go like you want to," was her answer. As if I ever did. "You have to grow up little boy. You’re fired.“
You know, as much as I disliked Nadya, I always liked the job at the gallery. I was surrounded by art and sometimes an artist was really inspiring. And she didn’t pay bad. I expected her to not understand me, but I never expected her to fire me.
I shook my head. "But... I need this job. I’ll be back.“
"Well, not here anymore. Get out.“
If I'd had more time to deal with it, I probably would’ve tried to talk to her and to keep my job, but I hadn’t slept much that night and the last thing I needed was an arrogant wannabe-supergirl who tried to tell me to grow up. I had been working with her for six months, so of course I knew things about her. I knew that her rich father paid for the gallery and I knew that she was divorced, that her husband had left her for the neighbour and that her brother was a police officer.
"You’re a bitch," I said. "I think now that I’m not working here anymore I can finally tell you that. You’re a fucking bitch."
Brian’s POV
I waited for the doctor. I still hated that room, I still hated the hospital. I didn’t expect to be back so soon. I knew that people who had once had cancer often fell sick with it again, but somehow I hoped I wouldn’t. I still hoped it. So far there was just a lump on my right breast, which I had found two days ago when I came back from Babylon and showered. Do you the feeling when you find something at your body that just doesn’t belong there?
I barely think about my cancer, it’s done, it’s over. I was still alive, I was healthy. But the second I found the lump, it was all back.
And when you’re alone it’s even worse. I wanted to tell Justin, I had already picked up the phone when I had found the lump. But... it was late, he was in New York, what was he suppose to do? So I thought, I would tell him the next time he called, but then I decided it was ridiculous to make him panicky before I knew what was really going on. But I’m not sure if it was really about not panicking him or if I wanted to convince myself, that there was nothing to worry about.
When he finally called again it seemed to be forever since we had talked, even though it had been just two days. It was the evening before I had the appointment at the hospital, and when I saw the caller ID I felt kinda relieved, I felt less helpless. I wanted to tell him, because I wanted him to be there. I knew this was impossible, my appointment was just 14 hours later and he had duties and his new project and other plans. While realizing that I was in a long distance relationship and that there was no chance, that he would be here to come with me, I felt even more helpless than before. And then there was that strange feeling again, the one I always got when I was hanging out with Ted and Blake or Michael and Ben or Emmett and whoever.
It was the first call without phone sex... something was wrong. He was very quiet, short spoken and he seemed tired. I told him that I wanted him to join me when I’ll take Gus to a shopping day. But he barely answered to that. And then we hung up and I stared at the phone for a while, pondering if I should call him again or not.
I didn’t call him again and now I was sitting at the doctors office, waiting for another cancer-diagnosis. And just like the last time he confronted me with tons of theories, what could be, what might be and what would be.
"Breast cancer is still very unusual for men. So don’t panic. The biggest risk for you so far is the fact that you had cancer before.“
"So what now? Another blood test?" I asked, while I thought about it. My grandparents never had cancer, the only person I knew who got it, was my fucking father.
"Blood test and a biopsy, unfortunately I can’t spare this to you. But it’s just a small surgery, it’s an outpatient treatment.“
Another scar. I just nodded. "And then what?“
"We will inspect the biopsy specimen in the lab. It will take a few hours. And then we know what it is. Like I said, breast cancer is not the usual diagnosis for men and your last blood test is just eight months ago, the lump is at a body location you touch more than just every few weeks. Right now there’s no reason to expect the worst."
Unfortunately that’s my human nature. But I just nodded again. I knew that my radiation treatment was comparatively harmless to what I might expect. "So, lets do it.“
"We can do the biopsy on Saturday.“
"Why not now?" What were we waiting for? I wanted that lump to be gone.
"We need an operating room, after all it’s still a surgery.“
"How long do I have to wait for the results?“ I asked.
"Well, the lab doesn’t work on Sunday, so I think we’ll get the results on Monday. I’ll call you as soon as I know anything.“
So I had to spend the entire weekend with thinking about what might be. I nodded again and swallowed.
"Be here on Saturday at 10 AM, and please be sober. 12 hours no food, only water to drink.“
Not even a chance to forget what could come. "Sure. What if... it is cancer?“
"Honestly Mr. Kinney, I don’t want my patients to brood over that before we know what’s going on. So far there’s no reason to expect the worst."
"Where does it come from? Just because I once had cancer?"
"Well, most of time cancer comes from the personal circumstances. Alimentation, too much fat, too much alcohol. It can be a consequence of long-term alcohol consumption, which also affects the liver. Both affect the hormone levels to the detriment of the male hormone testosterone.“
"Alcohol...," I mumbled. So far I never would’ve called myself a drinker, but I guess I’m drinking a lot. There’s barely one day in week without at least a beer.
"So far we don’t even know if you have cancer, so don’t start to analyze every of your habits, okay? I know it’s easier said than done, but try to relax. I’ll see you on Saturday. And you’re not allowed to drive after the biopsy, so bring someone with you.“
"Sure." Michael? Ted? Justin?
Fuck! Fuck this! Fuck the doctor! Fuck the hospital! Fuck the cancer! The last radiation wasn’t even one fucking year ago and now what? Chemotherapy? Even more vomiting, hair loss and whatever else they call side effects.
I left the office and walked down the floor. It was empty, two nurses were standing in front of a door and I saw someone standing at the end of the floor.
TBC
no subject
(no subject)
no subject
Wonderful chap even the theme is really sadding...but it's so full of BJ live on the other hand.
Thanks so much and have a perfect sunday! Pet
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
(no subject)
no subject
Brian, don't you remember what happened the last time you tried to keep it a secret? You must learn from your mistakes, my dear!
Lovely update, sweetie.
(no subject)
no subject
you said you won't hurt Brian... *snif*
can't wait for more!
(no subject)
no subject
And even though it cost Justin his job at the gallery, I'm sure it felt good to get that off his chest! Maybe that job was holding him back from something better!
Can't imagine Brian's reaction to that news though... he's going to have enough trouble accepting Justin's help and concern as it is!
Very well done! Looking forward to getting off this cliff soon! ;p
(no subject)
no subject
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
Please, let it be all right with him, hon!
Thanks for sharing!
*hugs you*
(no subject)
no subject
(no subject)
no subject
(no subject)
no subject
He wanted do it alone and he is, but I hope that Justin has come in time.I would liked him to ask Justin to join him in the hospital. Brian wants to be strong but he's very vulnerable.
The cancer is back, and is as a punishment for his way of life or something, you know who he is.
Waiting until monday...it's too much time.
Great chapter.
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
OMG it never ends for him. I'm so glad that Justin went to PA, & I'm also glad he called her a fucking bitch, as thats just what she is.
Great writing, I could feel Brian's fear & anguish.
Im taking deep breaths in & out:) I hope he's going to be OK.
Later babe,,Jxx
(no subject)
no subject
I really hope that this time is nothing that bad.
Thanks Ted for calling Justin.
And thanks Justin for coming back home immediately.
He was also fired!!! Nadya is a bitch!!!!
I've loved that he was ready to sacrifice everything for love.
I can't wait to see Brian's reaction when he'll see Justin.
Wonderful update sweetie. Loved it ♥
(no subject)
no subject
Really hope Brian is going to be alright. :(
(no subject)
no subject
Can't wait for the next update!
(no subject)
no subject
I can honestly say that this is one of my favorite takes on post-513 ever! I've always thought it was interesting and mostly unrealistic that most fanfic about this time depicts Justin having almost immediate success in NY. I'm not an artist but a lot of my friends are and not one of them makes their entire living from their art. They all do shows, they sell their work, they win prestigious spots in art spaces, some even get grants. They are successful, but in a way that's very different from how most people would view it. Most of them teach at art colleges and the rest have part-time jobs.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanyway, I appreciate your take on what would happen to Justin in NY - it feels very, very real. Thank you for trying to honor all of the "struggling" artists out there - it is NOT an easy life, it is not for the faint of heart. It takes a lot of guts and determination to stick through it, as well as confidence that your muse(s) are correct, lol.
I also like how you've depicted Brian in this fic. I do think he would have an incredibly difficult time keeping the faith. At least he's not forcefully pushing Justin away, but he's not being really true to their relationship, is he? I hope this cancer scare makes him finally open up and treat their relationship as the rest of us see it - honest, open, committed, forever.
So, thanks so much for this! I'm loving it!
(no subject)
(no subject)
no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-03-19 05:06 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
(Anonymous) 2011-03-20 07:51 pm (UTC)(link)no subject
And oh, yes, too -- because I love Brian!cancer stories, even though they hurt so much. :(
"Eleven. Please try to convince him not to fire me."
"I’ll fight for you."
I adore Ted. I'm always so happy when he shows up in a story, especially when he's written as he should be -- like this. :)
"When we ended the call I went back to my laptop, booked a flight ticket to Pittsburgh and was really thankful that there was a flight for the next morning."
Oh THANK YOU. I love Justin more than just about anyone but I don't think I could have forgiven him if his response was anything other than this.
And good fucking riddance, Nadya! hate! I'm with Justin -- what a bitch.