Find a way, Part 4
Nov. 8th, 2010 08:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soulmatejunkeeTitle: Find a way 4/4 (You & Me-Series)
Author:![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Rating: NC-17 (thanks to my wonderful betaqafkinnetic )
Warnings: Ethan (only mentioned, still... DON'T WORRY, I won't bring him up again as any option)
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 1.713
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta byqafkinnetic - thank you sooo much for your fast and wonderful support! As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks!
1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Justin's POV
I felt Brian's fingers threading through my hair, gentle and calming. I hiccuped twice and and lifted my head to look at him, trying to stop shaking. He smiled at me a little, comforting and soft, and my heart ached with love for this man who was always there for me.
When he kissed me, I closed my eyes and relaxed. I missed his lips so much, I missed our good morning kisses, and our goodnight kisses, and our just-out-of-the-shower kisses, and our home-from-work kisses, and, well, you get the point. I just missed him. I wanted and needed him inside me. I needed to feel him close. I needed him to love me his way, I needed to feel save.
I hold him closer and he kissed me even more gently, rolling us slowly until he laid on my body. He took of my shirt, kissed my neck, my chest, my stomach, soft open-mouthed kisses as he pulled off my sweat pants and briefs. His hands were everywhere.
He moved back up and looked at me, his eyes full of love, stroking the back of his hand against my cheek. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head in his shoulder as he reached around me towards the rickety nightstand. He opened the drawer and grabbed a condom and some lube and smiled at me for finding it right away. He tought me well. Thank god he did and I didn't have to break the moment to tell him where it was.
I watched him preparing himself and then he slid a lubed finger inside of me. He kissed me deeply, his tongue stroking mine. I groaned, arching off the bed, needing his cock inside me. I pulled him closer and he kissed me again and nuzzled against my cheek, his warm breath ghosting across my ear.
He pushed into me, slowly and tortuously until I was moaning and scrabbling at the sheets and begging him to press fully inside. He moved his hips in a gentle circle, then pulled slowly out before gentle pushing back in. He wasn't fucking me, he was loving me, comforting me. His hands were tender and strong against my body. His lips were at my ear, his voice whispering nonsensically, sweet and sultry and vibrating against my neck.
My cock was pinned between our bodies and each movement rubbed against me. His cock hit my prostate and I cried out, my shout swallowed by his mouth on mine. His hand wrapped around my dick and he began to stroke me in time with his thrusts.
He kissed my neck, my cheek, whatever he could reach. He whispered against my neck, his lips now just below my ear as he kissed me. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I knew they were words of love and comfort. It was still so unreal to have him here, in my bed, inside me, in New York.
And then I came with another swallowed cry, my feet locked tightly on his back as he followed with his own climax. His pressed light kisses against my face, my hair, my neck and I sighed softly.
He pulled out as gently as he could, tying the condom off and tossing it in the direction of the trash can. He lay down beside me, scooting as close as he possibly could until our arms touched and I tossed a leg over his.
"That was good,“ he sighed. „Do you feel better?“
"Way better.“ I did. I knew my problems were still there and still the same, but I felt better. I took his hand in mine and closed my eyes. "Life was so much easier in Pittsburgh.“
He laughed. "I guess the competition wasn’t as strong as it is here. Not to mention your very own fan club lives there.“
"The people were nicer. All the gallery owners here seem to live in a contest to top one another in being the most arrogant person on this planet!“
He squeezed my hand. I opened my eyes and he looked at me. "The art world is arrogant.“
"I’m not arrogant.“
"Not yet. Just wait until you’re successful. Success does make you arrogant, it’s like a drug.“
"Ah“, I smiled at him. "That explains it.“
"It does, right?“ he answered. I leaned forward to kiss him. If it’s justifiable I have no problem with arrogance, like Brian being arrogant when it comes to his job. He’s fucking good, he knows how to do it, he’s better than the rest so yes, he can be arrogant from time to time. But I doubt he ever laughed at someone who asked him for a chance.
"You know, you could have a lot of money.“
I moaned. "Brian, not again. I won’t take your money.“
He rolled his eyes. "Put the fucking house on the market.“
"You bought it, where’s the difference between selling it and taking the money and taking the money from you without selling it?“
"This is so ridiculous“, he sighed and let my hand go to turn around to me. He leaned on his elbow and looked down at me. "If I asked you for help, would you think of me as a failure?“
"You...asking me for help?“ I laughed. "You think that will ever happen?“
"I’m talking about possibilities.“
I bit my lip and turned around, too, to look at him directly. "No, of course I wouldn’t think that. But you would. And the same goes for me. I know that you don’t think of me as a failure if I ask you for help, but I would. And I know that you can understand that.“
He could, so he didn’t say anything, just leaned his forehead against mine.
„You know that showing up here in the middle of the night, just to be there for me because I feel homesick is absolutely romantic, right?“
„Who said I did it for you?“
He so sucks with rejecting romance. I laughed and kissed his lips. „Showing up here in the middle of the night, just because you missed me so much that you couldn’t be without me for even one more night is even more romantic.“
He laughed and leaned against me. „I give up.“
We spent four days together. Of course I had to work, so Brian went through New York alone, he figured he could find some new clients. I knew he would, he’s always successful, while I am...not. I worked at the gallery and tried to ignore any conversation with Nadya. I still felt humiliated. She also didn’t say anything, she was busy with being nasty to other people. But it was so incredible to come home and to have him there waiting for me.
At nights we went out. With him the clubs were wonderful, dancing was wonderful and even the backrooms were great.
He stayed until Sunday evening and I wished he would stay forever. Even though my situation was still the same, it felt different when he was with me, I felt different. I felt like I could do anything with him. He never let me fail.
"Why do I have to stay here?“ I asked him. "Why can’t I just come back? You need me.“
He looked at me and frowned. "What a wonderful excuse for you to give up.“
I smiled at him. "But it wouldn’t be a lie, would it?“
"New York is a great opportunity. Find a way to use it.“
I rolled my eyes and sighed. Find a way, find a way… I hated those words.
"Thanks for coming“, I said while he packed his stuff. I was still in my bed, naked and happy. I would miss the daily fucking.
He leaned down and kissed me. He got this angst in his eyes again, it was always there. He never showed it to me, but I could see it there.
"Call me“, he said.
"I will.“
And then he was gone again and I was still in fucking New York City with fucking nothing to show! I really wanted to go back. I knew this feeling might change when I was successful. And I wanted to be successful, I wanted people to see and love and understand my art. And of course, to buy it. But I didn’t want to live so far away from everything and everyone I loved. New York might be a great opportunity for my career, but not for my life. I had to find a middle way, a compromise. I couldn’t go back just because New York wasn’t nice to me, that would be embarrassing and it would be just wrong. I’m a fighter, I never give up. That’s why I’m the first and only partner/boyfriend/fiance/almost husband Brian Kinney ever had.
And I wanted to prove to myself, to Brian, to Debbie, to Michael, to the gang and even to my fucking father, that I can be successful, that I can live on my own.
I spent the entire night on my computer, working on some new arts and surfing on the internet. I googled Kinnetik, just to look at the pics on the homepage and smiled. Then I googled Babylon and looked at the pics on it, too. I missed home.
And then I googled Ethan Gold and went straight to his personal Website. He really made it to the New York Philharmonics, I was impressed. All his dreams had come true. The website also showed some of his private life, his partner, his studio at home and you could buy his CD’s and some fan stuff on the site. He had more than 1000 visitors per day, which I would call successful for one single person. If one of them bought one fucking CD, he made a lot of money with it.
The Internet...the world wide web. I laughed, clicked the 'Contact' button and wrote: "Hey, it’s Justin, I have a question about your website, please contact me.“ I gave him my cell phone number and waited. And for the first time since I went to New York – except fort he moment when I thought working with Nadya would make me successful – I felt like I was going a step forward.
The End (just for this part of the series)
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Rating: NC-17 (thanks to my wonderful beta
qafkinnetic )Warnings: Ethan (only mentioned, still... DON'T WORRY, I won't bring him up again as any option)
Timeline: Post 5.13; POV's
Word Count: 1.713
Disclaimer: I don’t own anything. It’s all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta by
qafkinnetic - thank you sooo much for your fast and wonderful support! As always: Every comment is welcome. I Love to read what you think. Thanks! 1. Listen to me
2. Trust me
3. Babylon Part 1 | Part 2
4. Find a way Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
Justin's POV
I felt Brian's fingers threading through my hair, gentle and calming. I hiccuped twice and and lifted my head to look at him, trying to stop shaking. He smiled at me a little, comforting and soft, and my heart ached with love for this man who was always there for me.
When he kissed me, I closed my eyes and relaxed. I missed his lips so much, I missed our good morning kisses, and our goodnight kisses, and our just-out-of-the-shower kisses, and our home-from-work kisses, and, well, you get the point. I just missed him. I wanted and needed him inside me. I needed to feel him close. I needed him to love me his way, I needed to feel save.
I hold him closer and he kissed me even more gently, rolling us slowly until he laid on my body. He took of my shirt, kissed my neck, my chest, my stomach, soft open-mouthed kisses as he pulled off my sweat pants and briefs. His hands were everywhere.
He moved back up and looked at me, his eyes full of love, stroking the back of his hand against my cheek. I wrapped my arms around him and buried my head in his shoulder as he reached around me towards the rickety nightstand. He opened the drawer and grabbed a condom and some lube and smiled at me for finding it right away. He tought me well. Thank god he did and I didn't have to break the moment to tell him where it was.
I watched him preparing himself and then he slid a lubed finger inside of me. He kissed me deeply, his tongue stroking mine. I groaned, arching off the bed, needing his cock inside me. I pulled him closer and he kissed me again and nuzzled against my cheek, his warm breath ghosting across my ear.
He pushed into me, slowly and tortuously until I was moaning and scrabbling at the sheets and begging him to press fully inside. He moved his hips in a gentle circle, then pulled slowly out before gentle pushing back in. He wasn't fucking me, he was loving me, comforting me. His hands were tender and strong against my body. His lips were at my ear, his voice whispering nonsensically, sweet and sultry and vibrating against my neck.
My cock was pinned between our bodies and each movement rubbed against me. His cock hit my prostate and I cried out, my shout swallowed by his mouth on mine. His hand wrapped around my dick and he began to stroke me in time with his thrusts.
He kissed my neck, my cheek, whatever he could reach. He whispered against my neck, his lips now just below my ear as he kissed me. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I knew they were words of love and comfort. It was still so unreal to have him here, in my bed, inside me, in New York.
And then I came with another swallowed cry, my feet locked tightly on his back as he followed with his own climax. His pressed light kisses against my face, my hair, my neck and I sighed softly.
He pulled out as gently as he could, tying the condom off and tossing it in the direction of the trash can. He lay down beside me, scooting as close as he possibly could until our arms touched and I tossed a leg over his.
"That was good,“ he sighed. „Do you feel better?“
"Way better.“ I did. I knew my problems were still there and still the same, but I felt better. I took his hand in mine and closed my eyes. "Life was so much easier in Pittsburgh.“
He laughed. "I guess the competition wasn’t as strong as it is here. Not to mention your very own fan club lives there.“
"The people were nicer. All the gallery owners here seem to live in a contest to top one another in being the most arrogant person on this planet!“
He squeezed my hand. I opened my eyes and he looked at me. "The art world is arrogant.“
"I’m not arrogant.“
"Not yet. Just wait until you’re successful. Success does make you arrogant, it’s like a drug.“
"Ah“, I smiled at him. "That explains it.“
"It does, right?“ he answered. I leaned forward to kiss him. If it’s justifiable I have no problem with arrogance, like Brian being arrogant when it comes to his job. He’s fucking good, he knows how to do it, he’s better than the rest so yes, he can be arrogant from time to time. But I doubt he ever laughed at someone who asked him for a chance.
"You know, you could have a lot of money.“
I moaned. "Brian, not again. I won’t take your money.“
He rolled his eyes. "Put the fucking house on the market.“
"You bought it, where’s the difference between selling it and taking the money and taking the money from you without selling it?“
"This is so ridiculous“, he sighed and let my hand go to turn around to me. He leaned on his elbow and looked down at me. "If I asked you for help, would you think of me as a failure?“
"You...asking me for help?“ I laughed. "You think that will ever happen?“
"I’m talking about possibilities.“
I bit my lip and turned around, too, to look at him directly. "No, of course I wouldn’t think that. But you would. And the same goes for me. I know that you don’t think of me as a failure if I ask you for help, but I would. And I know that you can understand that.“
He could, so he didn’t say anything, just leaned his forehead against mine.
„You know that showing up here in the middle of the night, just to be there for me because I feel homesick is absolutely romantic, right?“
„Who said I did it for you?“
He so sucks with rejecting romance. I laughed and kissed his lips. „Showing up here in the middle of the night, just because you missed me so much that you couldn’t be without me for even one more night is even more romantic.“
He laughed and leaned against me. „I give up.“
We spent four days together. Of course I had to work, so Brian went through New York alone, he figured he could find some new clients. I knew he would, he’s always successful, while I am...not. I worked at the gallery and tried to ignore any conversation with Nadya. I still felt humiliated. She also didn’t say anything, she was busy with being nasty to other people. But it was so incredible to come home and to have him there waiting for me.
At nights we went out. With him the clubs were wonderful, dancing was wonderful and even the backrooms were great.
He stayed until Sunday evening and I wished he would stay forever. Even though my situation was still the same, it felt different when he was with me, I felt different. I felt like I could do anything with him. He never let me fail.
"Why do I have to stay here?“ I asked him. "Why can’t I just come back? You need me.“
He looked at me and frowned. "What a wonderful excuse for you to give up.“
I smiled at him. "But it wouldn’t be a lie, would it?“
"New York is a great opportunity. Find a way to use it.“
I rolled my eyes and sighed. Find a way, find a way… I hated those words.
"Thanks for coming“, I said while he packed his stuff. I was still in my bed, naked and happy. I would miss the daily fucking.
He leaned down and kissed me. He got this angst in his eyes again, it was always there. He never showed it to me, but I could see it there.
"Call me“, he said.
"I will.“
And then he was gone again and I was still in fucking New York City with fucking nothing to show! I really wanted to go back. I knew this feeling might change when I was successful. And I wanted to be successful, I wanted people to see and love and understand my art. And of course, to buy it. But I didn’t want to live so far away from everything and everyone I loved. New York might be a great opportunity for my career, but not for my life. I had to find a middle way, a compromise. I couldn’t go back just because New York wasn’t nice to me, that would be embarrassing and it would be just wrong. I’m a fighter, I never give up. That’s why I’m the first and only partner/boyfriend/fiance/almost husband Brian Kinney ever had.
And I wanted to prove to myself, to Brian, to Debbie, to Michael, to the gang and even to my fucking father, that I can be successful, that I can live on my own.
I spent the entire night on my computer, working on some new arts and surfing on the internet. I googled Kinnetik, just to look at the pics on the homepage and smiled. Then I googled Babylon and looked at the pics on it, too. I missed home.
And then I googled Ethan Gold and went straight to his personal Website. He really made it to the New York Philharmonics, I was impressed. All his dreams had come true. The website also showed some of his private life, his partner, his studio at home and you could buy his CD’s and some fan stuff on the site. He had more than 1000 visitors per day, which I would call successful for one single person. If one of them bought one fucking CD, he made a lot of money with it.
The Internet...the world wide web. I laughed, clicked the 'Contact' button and wrote: "Hey, it’s Justin, I have a question about your website, please contact me.“ I gave him my cell phone number and waited. And for the first time since I went to New York – except fort he moment when I thought working with Nadya would make me successful – I felt like I was going a step forward.
The End (just for this part of the series)