How women (really) are...

Found this and thought it's funny, so I tried to translate it ;)
Enjoy!

01
I don’t read operation instructions – I push the buttons until it works!

02
I don’t need alcohol to expose myself to ridicule – I can do it by myself!

03
If I were a bird, I knew exactly who would get my first load of shit on his head!

04
I’m not bitchy – I’m emotionally felxible!

05
Best words ever spoken? “Let’s go shopping!“

06
I’m not nuts. These are Special Effects!

07
Women have to look like WOMEN and not like decorated bones!

08
Forgive and forget? I’m neither Jesus, nor do I have Alzheimer.

09
Women are angels. If you break our wings, we keep flying – on a broom. We are flexible!

10
I’m not fat! It’s just effective erotic surface!

11
When god created the men he promised to place the perfect man on every corner … and then he made the earth a ball.

12
When I’m dead my headstone’s gonna say: “Don’t look so stupid, I would prefer to be at the beach, too!”