One little sign (Oneshot/Gapfiller)
May. 23rd, 2011 09:47 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
soulmatejunkeeTitle: One little sign
Author:soulmatejunkee
Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Episode 5.11
Word Count: 667 words
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Betamander3_swish
It was made up for Nastya's birthday at Livejournal!
Author:
soulmatejunkee Fandom: Queer as Folk US
Pairing: Brian/Justin
Timeline: Episode 5.11
Word Count: 667 words
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. It's all CowLip and Showtime.
A/N: Beta
mander3_swishIt was made up for Nastya's birthday at Livejournal!
Brian's POV
It was dark. There was no electricity. So I walked with the small flashlight I had in my car through the rooms, through all of them. It was a really big house… it was a manor. It had a stable and a pool, just like he described as his dream house. And I have to admit, it was an amazing house.
I tried to imagine living here – with him. I tried to imagine selling the loft and the club, to never visit a backroom again, to never fuck any random guy I’d never see again, to never get my dick sucked by any trick.
Would I miss all of it? Yes, I would.
But it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered, nothing else but him. I was still in shock, I still could feel the panic and could still feel the realization I can’t lose him inside me.
Unfortunately it seems that I already had lost him.
He didn’t answer to the “I love you” – well, at least not with an “I love you, too”.
He said “no” to my marriage proposal.
Yeah, I had lost him. After four years of fighting, waiting and craving he had given up and I hadn’t done anything to prevent it.
All I could do now was hoping and praying that it wasn’t already too late.
I sat down on the stairs and took out my cell phone. I pressed the speed dial button and swallowed when I heard the ringing.
“Brian,” he answered.
“Yeah,” I said. “Did I wake you up?”
“No, it’s okay. I wasn’t asleep yet.”
As soon as I heard his voice, it was so easy to imagine living here, selling the loft and never fucking anyone else but him. He would love this house, he would love living here. Now I just had to make him falling for me again.
“How’s Ben?” he asked.
“He’s a little shocked about what he did,” I said, and leaned against the wall.
“That fucking asshole deserved every punch.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Are you okay? You sound… different. Where are you?”
I looked into the darkness, letting my flashlight play with the shadows. If my plan would work out, this would be… “I’m home.”
“It was a long night and a long day, you should get some rest.”
He was right, I was tired and I needed some rest. It was the emptiness that was stopping me from driving to the loft after I had dropped off Ben. And so I had ended up at the house I had bought just two hours after Justin said “No” when I asked him to marry me.
“Why did you call?” he asked.
I wondered how long I would’ve needed to get here if the bomb hadn’t happened. How long would I have waited before I told him that I loved him and before I admitted that being with him – no matter what the circumstances were – was much better than being without him?
“I just wanted to hear your voice,” I said honestly.
“I’m fine, really.”
I’m not, I thought, but didn’t say it out loud. “Glad to hear that.” I turned off the flashlight. “Do you have any plans tomorrow? There’s something I want to show you. I’ll pick you up at noon, if that’s okay for you?”
“Brian…”
I closed my eyes briefly. I couldn’t take another no. “Please.”
“Okay. I’m free.”
I wished tomorrow was already there. “Justin?”
“Yes?”
“I miss you.”
Silence.
I closed my eyes. This time I kept them close.
I tried to ignore the possibility that he could easily reject me again, that he could say no again, that he didn’t want to live here.
That he still didn’t trust me.
That he didn’t want to be with me anymore.
That I waited too long.
That it was too late.
I had no idea what to do if any of this would happen.
I needed something to hold on.
Just one little sign.
“I miss you, too.”
It was dark. There was no electricity. So I walked with the small flashlight I had in my car through the rooms, through all of them. It was a really big house… it was a manor. It had a stable and a pool, just like he described as his dream house. And I have to admit, it was an amazing house.
I tried to imagine living here – with him. I tried to imagine selling the loft and the club, to never visit a backroom again, to never fuck any random guy I’d never see again, to never get my dick sucked by any trick.
Would I miss all of it? Yes, I would.
But it didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered, nothing else but him. I was still in shock, I still could feel the panic and could still feel the realization I can’t lose him inside me.
Unfortunately it seems that I already had lost him.
He didn’t answer to the “I love you” – well, at least not with an “I love you, too”.
He said “no” to my marriage proposal.
Yeah, I had lost him. After four years of fighting, waiting and craving he had given up and I hadn’t done anything to prevent it.
All I could do now was hoping and praying that it wasn’t already too late.
I sat down on the stairs and took out my cell phone. I pressed the speed dial button and swallowed when I heard the ringing.
“Brian,” he answered.
“Yeah,” I said. “Did I wake you up?”
“No, it’s okay. I wasn’t asleep yet.”
As soon as I heard his voice, it was so easy to imagine living here, selling the loft and never fucking anyone else but him. He would love this house, he would love living here. Now I just had to make him falling for me again.
“How’s Ben?” he asked.
“He’s a little shocked about what he did,” I said, and leaned against the wall.
“That fucking asshole deserved every punch.”
I nodded. “Yes.”
“Are you okay? You sound… different. Where are you?”
I looked into the darkness, letting my flashlight play with the shadows. If my plan would work out, this would be… “I’m home.”
“It was a long night and a long day, you should get some rest.”
He was right, I was tired and I needed some rest. It was the emptiness that was stopping me from driving to the loft after I had dropped off Ben. And so I had ended up at the house I had bought just two hours after Justin said “No” when I asked him to marry me.
“Why did you call?” he asked.
I wondered how long I would’ve needed to get here if the bomb hadn’t happened. How long would I have waited before I told him that I loved him and before I admitted that being with him – no matter what the circumstances were – was much better than being without him?
“I just wanted to hear your voice,” I said honestly.
“I’m fine, really.”
I’m not, I thought, but didn’t say it out loud. “Glad to hear that.” I turned off the flashlight. “Do you have any plans tomorrow? There’s something I want to show you. I’ll pick you up at noon, if that’s okay for you?”
“Brian…”
I closed my eyes briefly. I couldn’t take another no. “Please.”
“Okay. I’m free.”
I wished tomorrow was already there. “Justin?”
“Yes?”
“I miss you.”
Silence.
I closed my eyes. This time I kept them close.
I tried to ignore the possibility that he could easily reject me again, that he could say no again, that he didn’t want to live here.
That he still didn’t trust me.
That he didn’t want to be with me anymore.
That I waited too long.
That it was too late.
I had no idea what to do if any of this would happen.
I needed something to hold on.
Just one little sign.
“I miss you, too.”